Suzi read through some of the comments on the livestream. There were all sorts of things being said about her, the company and the show, and very few of them were good. “My name’s gonna be mud by the end of this, isn’t it?” she sighed, internally cursing her boss for putting her in the middle of such a show. Still, she was a professional, and so wasn’t about to let herself be overwhelmed by what was being said. After all, there was still one last bit of the show to do, and it was the very reason that people were watching in the first place. She looked into a camera and spoke.
“Welcome to the final part of this special edition of Suzi’s Slop Drop. Before I go any further, I just want to address the online audience for a moment. Thanks for voting and watching. I know a lot of contentious stuff has been said on the show tonight, but when it gets down to it, this show’s all about giving someone a damn good trashing with a metric fuckton of goo,” she smiled, cheekily. The camera then zoomed out as Suzi looked to her first guest, Anita Sarkeesian. “Anita, you had a tiny proportion of the vote before, but we’ve seen turnarounds before. Still confident?”
“Absolutely! After all, I’m ahead by such a margin that even if people have started voting for me, it shouldn’t make much of a difference!” Anita smiled, smugly. “I think June’s going to be going down that slide, which I must say has a very problematic name.”
“And what would you have called it?” Suzi asked, raising her eyebrow at the pop-culture crtic.
Anita pondered for a moment. “Slime Slide or Punishment Pipe maybe? Both are just as alliterative!”
“Not bad, actually! Still, it would be amusing that if you just renamed the very thing that’s going to gunge you!” Suzi giggled before turning to the other contestant. “So June, you got pied earlier. Think you can avoid the gunge?”
“Let’s be real – not really!” June giggled. She nervously touched her hair and toyed with it. She’d clearly had a chance to wash it between the previous part and the present, but it was still a bit damp. “But hey, it’s been fun!”
“Not confident that you’ve done enough to turn it around?”
June shook her head. “I tried but I doubt it.”
Suzi nodded and looked to the giant screen at the back of the stage. “Well, we’ll see if you’re right to feel defeatist or some kind of miracle has occurred. No pie this time because whoever’s ahead at this point is heading straight down the Patriarchy Pipe… Or Slime Slide, if you prefer. Though I get the impression you’d both prefer to call it something you’re not going down!”
Once again the light green circle appeared, followed by a line going from the middle to the circumference, spinning clockwise and leaving a darkened section in its wake. The section was larger this time around than the first time around…
…but not drastically. Anita let out a “yes!” and punched the air. June just lowered her head and covered her face.
“Well, it seems June’s fans started to turn out to turn it around but didn’t do anywhere near enough to save her,” Suzi surmised. “Anita, you must be pretty pleased with that result.”
Anita nodded. “I’m very pleased! This is a great victory against the forces keeping women down!”
“Ugh… I can take the goo but your smugness is…” started June.
“Let’s not start this argument again! Right, both of you come up to the tower with me. I’d recommend going barefoot – it’s slimy up there!” Suzi interrupted.
While June tutted and removed her shoes and socks, Anita blinked and looked to Suzi. “Me too? Are you going to put me down the slide?” she asked, trembling a little bit.
“Do you want to go down it?” Suzi deadpanned.
“Not really. I’m just wondering why you’d want me to go up there otherwise.”
“Well, I thought it would only be right to let the poll winner have the honour of pulling the lever and sending June to her doom!” smiled the presenter. “Well, not ‘doom’. We’re no toxic ultraviolent piece of media.”
Anita let out an unsure chuckle and kicked her shoes off. She and June followed Suzi up the metal spiral staircase. When they arrived, they saw that there was a waterfall of thick lime green gunge pouring down the back wall, forming a channel of gunge leading down the slide. Some of it had spilled over and created large puddles on the floor. “Woah, that’s slippery!” Suzi giggled as she tried to maintain her balance.
“It feels gross! I don’t envy you!” Anita smirked, looking at June.
“Especially since she’s got to sit down in it,” Suzi added.
“WHAT?!” June grimaced, looking at the slimy stream. “It’s gonna run all over my…”
Suzi nodded. “I know, but what can you do?” she shrugged. “Go on, get in!”
June lifted her left foot up and dipped her dainty little toes into the gunge stream. She giggled a little bit as it seeped through the gaps between them, tickling them a little. “Oh my God!” she squealed as her foot vanished into the stream. She dipped her other foot in and turned to face the slide, lowering her backside down carefully. Her legs, clad in dark blue jeans, disappeared into the gunge. “Ew ew ew ew ewwww!” she squirmed, arms flailing as it lapped on her back and seeped down her jeans, completely coating her black knickers. The gunge spilled over, completely covering the rest of the ground in the slippery sludge. June scooped up a few handfuls and threw them towards Anita.
The media critic raised her hands up and tried to block the incoming gunge. “Eurgh, you brat!” Anita laughed as the gunge washed over her feet and specks of sludge impacted on her open palms. “Suzi, how do I send her down the slide?”
“Why that’s simple. You simply walk over to the lever by the tunnel entrance and pull it. Just erm… try not to fall down” Suzi answered. As Anita shimmied cautiously over, the presenter looked to the already very gungy June. “Any last requests before you take the trip?”
“I wanna see Anita stand under the waterfall thing,” June laughed, through a mix of the slippery sludge sliding all over her and amusement at the idea of seeing Anita almost as messy as she was about to be.
“Not happening!” Anita said, yanking the lever down, triggering a rousing rendition of Ride of the Valkyries. The waterfall began to flow even faster, creating a wave that caught June and washed all over her, seeping into her long, brown hair. It carried her into the pipe and downwards towards her messy fate. It also splashed Suzi and Anita a bit, splashing their bodies but not leaving them anywhere near as messy as June was about to be. Suzi fell flat on her backside, her skirt sticking to her petite derrière. “Are you okay, Suzi?” asked Anita.
“I’m fine. I’m also sure you and everyone else would rather see what’s happening with June, though,” Suzi smiled, picking herself up. Her bare legs now had a coating of bright sludge on them.
Inside the tunnel, June was letting out all sorts of loud noises. In particular, there was a loud “WHOO!” as she approached the first corner, underneath a load of bright, colourful lights. Whipped cream flew from a couple of the nozzles, hitting her directly in the face. She licked her lips and tasted it, but mostly got a very sour taste of lime. “Lime slime. Nice…” she grimaced. Barely able to see what was coming next, she continued onwards, getting lashings of strawberry custard launched at her from the sides. They flew at her in great waves, making her squeal with surprise. Chocolate sauce dripped from the ceiling. The thick, sticky concoction displaced the slippery green gunge in her hair, matting it together. As she approached the steep drop, she felt herself speeding up again and then plummeting for a brief second. Her heart skipped a beat as the gunge washed all over her. She finally passed seven nozzles, which splattered her with a veritable rainbow of colours from all angles.
Anita peered over the balcony and laughed as June emerged from the pipe. She wasn’t visible for very long, but she was totally covered from head to toe in all sorts of colours and consistencies of gunge. Barely a speck of the once-clean June was now exposed to the air, and the young woman continued on, towards the vat. It was now overflowing with run-off from the pipe, leaving a big green layer on top of the already lurid hot pink slop inside the pit. June fell into it, her bottom penetrating the gunge first, followed by the rest of her body. She vanished for a split second before re-emerging. “Wow, June!” Anita gaped at her rival, who was now dripping with thick, smelly sludge. “You totally deserved that!”
June just looked down at the gunge and pouted as she shivered. She had been utterly trashed, but stood up tall even though she was waist-deep in pink sludge. “I’m never gonna wash this crap out, am I?” she sighed.
“Or live that amazing gunging down!” Suzi chuckled. “But, that’s about all we have time for. So from a very happy Anita, a very slimy June and me, your lovely host Suzi Harrison, goodbye!”
It’s done. Now we can put this all behind us.