The segment begins with Sian standing beside the Mucky Dip. As usual, the chair has been lowered from its position above the vat to “docking level” at Sian’s side.
Sian: Welcome back! I’m Sian Welby, this is comeuppance, and we’re roughly halfway through the period of voting to decide which disdained derrière will be riding our chair!
Sian pats the uncomfortable and exposing wire-mesh of the seat.
Sian: Tonight we have Victoria the estate agent, Lizzie the personal injury lawyer, and Meera the dentist facing your judgement. The vote has sparked intense debate on social media, and the voting patterns are very interesting too.
Sian walks over to the area in front of the cages.
Sian: Ladies, I have the midway scores here, but before I reveal them I want to ratchet up your unease, by showing you the contents of the Mucky Dip. So without further ado…
Audience: …LET’S PREVIEW THE GOO!!
Sian: Ah-ah, you’re learning! Very good!
The overhead camera performs its twirling zoom into the open top of the Mucky Dip, while a small inset box cycles through the faces of the three contestants. This week’s muck is two-tone, made up of sharp, alternating bands of deep, dingy purple and funky fuschia pink, curling towards the centre in a multi-armed spiral.
The view then switches to the rim-side camera, which sweeps across the ghastly goo. As always, the surface is very rough and lumpy, swept into irregular crests and valleys. The gunge has a very wet look about it, and in the lower regions appears to be double-layered, where a thin film of liquid has separated from the thicker ingredients, glinting white where the spotlights hit it.
Sian: Looks quite artistic from a distance, doesn’t it, but the close-up reveals its true vileness! For those at home who are curious how it smells, imagine a fish market at the end of a summer’s day! Yuuuughhh!
The audience chortles, while there’s a chorus of gulps, groans and embarrassed giggles from the cages.
Sian: Oh they’re not keen on that, are they? Well ladies, keep that thought in mind as we take a look at the midway scores:
There is a sharp intake of breath around the studio. Inside the cages, three jaws simultaneously drop.
Sian: Wow indeed! Not only is this proving to be the closest vote so far, it’s close three ways! Meera marginally ahead at the mo, but the lead has changed several times during this vote, and it could well change again while we speak! [Moves closer to the cages] Ladies, with a knife-edge like this, I hope you appreciate that your personal appeals are going to be all the more important. Each of you has fifteen seconds to address the nation and explain why it shouldn’t be you going in that pink and purple slop! Victoria, let’s hear your sales pitch.
Victoria: [smiles earnestly and looks into the camera with doleful eyes] I don’t know whether a “translation” is being provided, but if it is, don’t let them put words in my mouth. Estate agents are nice caring people, not at all cynical, and don’t deserve the reputation they’ve g…
The klaxon sounds and the audience boos.
Sian: Victoria, you can rest assured we didn’t put any subtitles on your appeal, but judging by the response, it sounds like our audience translated for themselves! Now Lizzie, it’s your turn to sum up for your defence.
Lizzie: [turns her face haughtily to the camera] All I can say to those who vote for me is don’t come running to me when you’ve broken both your legs! And if you break your arms you can forget about picking up the phone, because I won’t be there to help you!
Lizzie has already concluded by the time the klaxon blares. There follows a similar level of booing from the audience.
Sian: Hmmm Lizzie, the scolding approach didn’t work well for Yasmin last week; let’s see if it works any better for you. [Moves on to the final cage] Meera, the lead may be small, but if that score stands you’ll be getting it, and believe me, our muck is even worse than the mouthwash you have in those plastic cups! Let’s hope you can tug the nation’s heartstrings more gently than their teeth.
Meera: [Smiles innocently at the camera] If I go in the Mucky Dip the trauma could really affect my work. Perhaps I’ll remove the wrong tooth by mistake, or maybe I’ll forget the anaesthetic! Is it worth the risk? Best keep me happy by keeping me out the g…
The klaxon blares. The audience boos once more.
Sian: Ooooo, you really do enjoy frightening your patients, Meera! But will they take this chance to frighten you back? [walks to the front of the stage] Folks, talk about a nailbiter! This really is anyone’s comeuppance, and every vote is going to count. If you haven’t voted yet, don’t miss the chance to have your say. And if you have voted, why not vote again to ensure your choice gets it! See you all later.