Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.
OK, bit of a random story here!
The idea for this just suddenly came from writing the latest ‘NGYOB’. The way I had just messed up a character in the first game and it just got me wanting to stick on a similar wavelength. Of course I couldn’t do that in ‘NGYOB’ so I threw this little story out quickly with two of my favourite celebrity stars from across the pond.
Second of all, this is inspired also by various scenes and stories depicting bakeries, the main one for me being 102 Dalmatians. Expect similar tropes here, but in honesty, I’m excited to see where this goes…
Hope you enjoy, as this is on a whim!
*Just for people who don’t know them…
Bryce Dallas Howard stopped, not being able to bear the aching any longer. She reached down and took off the white high heels she had been wearing. Grasping them in one hand, she lifted up her right leg and give the sole of her foot a quick rub, and a glob of white fell onto her toe. Trying to keep balanced, she she put it straight back down on the mat and held her arms out for a moment steadying herself.
So much for all that damn training when on set.
She pushed open the door and looked around.
“ZOOEY! Where are you, you evil little cow…”
20 minutes earlier
Bryce took a sip from her glass and smiled, laughing along with her to friends. She had just gotten back from touring international for the release of her latest film, Jurassic World, which had been smashing box office records across the world. Because of this, her fame had shot up over the past few weeks. She had been invited out to dinner with two friends she had known for a long time, Cathy and Tim, and they were currently discussing the film in front of her.
“…I mean even with everyone complaining about the heels, you still did it, no special effects or whatever so people don’t need to question it. But no yeah, loved it Bryce. Well done, and well done on all of the awards.”
Bryce, before the release had been a kind and modest person. She still was at times, but recently the success of the film had given her the reputation in Hollywood and beyond that of someone with a big head. She was currently talking in interviews a lot about awards, new opportunities with umpteen directors, and recently she had been doing herself up to look stunning for even simple jogs in the parks. With Cathy and Tim tonight, it was no different, only they were such good friends to barely notice.
“Alan – you know Alan my agent – he’s said that there’s about 9 or so awards that my name is secretly down for.”
She took a sip from her glass.
“9 of them?”
“Mhm – er, 10 – more than likely. One of the maybe a famous gold statue, hahaha!”
She took another mouthful of her drink as her friends looked at her questioningly.
“Er…there’s a few different gold ones -“
“Oh for gods sake Tim I’m talking about an Academy Award. Best female? Probably a few others. A few networks too have been talking to me, I could be the next break out TV star. Probably will be actually. Even Netflix has been looking into work with me.”
Cathy raised her eyebrows.
“Wow, that’s pretty sweet.”
“Well, when you’re a big star, like you know starring in the film that has the biggest opening weekend on record then…well, you get these kinds of rumours popping up all the time, hehe.”
Bryce laughed and went to take another sip of her drink when she paused the glass on her lips. In the distance, wearing a black polka dotted dress, black tights and flat shoes, hair down straight and flowing behind her, was Zooey Deschanel. Zooey was another big star in the world of film and television at the moment, and one that was on a show once with Bryce. The two women got along well, but Bryce at the time had always felt like she was second to Zooey. People told her this wasn’t true and that Zooey was a really nice person, but Bryce at this moment couldn’t help but think one thing; I’m winning. Bryce kept her eyes fixed on Zooey, glowering as she downed the rest of her drink and stood up.
“I’ll be back in a few moments, oh! Tim, tell Cathy of the part when I shot one of the Pterendons, that’s like the scene in the movie where my character develops most. All the tabloids are on about it at the moment!”
She picked up her bag from the table and briskly walked toward the bathroom that Zooey had disappeared into, consciously touching her hair to make sure it was perfect when she walked in. She was faced with a mirror which showed her full reflection. She was wearing a white, the front of which showed off her slender legs. The back of it draped down behind her legs to her knees. Her chest was visible as the dress hugged her, and she had a slight cleavage, not a ridiculous amount, but a noticeable one. Her red hair was neatly done up and tied behind, a little of it hanging by the sides of her face. She was all ready as though she was about to go to a premiere of sorts. Out in front of her stepped Zooey, from of the sinks in a cubicle.
“Oh, hi uh…Bryce! Didn’t know you were here.”
Bryce gave her an icy cold look, and she just looked from side to side.
“No. Well, possibly. I mean first of all you just forgot my name.”
“I didn’t forget it, it just took a second to -“
Zooey just stared at Bryce wide eyed.
“Er…OK. I’m going to go, I have someone waiting for me outside so…yeah. It was…fine?…seeing you here -“
Bryce looked down and smiled.
“Oh are you too good to be talking to me.”
“What? I -“
Bryce nearly stamped her foot.
“FOUR YEARS AGO. On the today show. You thought you were so incredible, new show, new image -“
“What new image..”
“Everyone raving about you, well. Now everyone is raving about ME.”
Zooey just continued to look at her, wild eyed and not knowing what to say, after a moment she walked past Bryce who stood there, shocked.
“I’m talking to you, Zoo-Zoo -“
“WHAT did you just call me?”
Zooey turned around, gobsmacked. It wasn’t offensive but just, weird.
“I think you’re drunk -“
“I think you are a jealous little -“
“Woah, OK. No need to go that far. Look Bryce I don’t know if someones upset you -“
“You have upset me.”
Zooey turned around.
“So I’ll leave then.”
Bryce stared after her for a moment and then followed her through the door, following her to a nearby table and nudged her forcibly into it. Zooey steadied herself by throwing her arm out, and right into a piece of fudge cake on the table.
“What the hell!?”
“You should show me some respect -“
Zooey held her hands up, one of them dripping with cake and chocolate sauce.
“OK, ok. Look listen Bryce just er, just meet me in the kitchen in a few minutes ok? I’ll tell you like…why I’m a little disrespectful tonight. Just, it’s…kind of personal stuff.”
“Why can’t we talk -“
“Out here? With reporters listening to try and get a scoop. They’re everywhere.”
Bryce was about to answer but then thought for a moment, picturing an image of her socking Zooey in the face on the front pages. Although funny in her mind, it could ruin her future projects.
“Fine. A few, short, minutes.”
Bryce pointed at Zooey and walked away to her table.
“It’s a shame though Bryce.”
“Oh I know, but Alan said it couldn’t wait.”
“Are you ok getting to him?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well you look like you’ve had a few.”
“I am perfectly ok Cath, thanks.”
“Cathy but…OK, we’ll see you soon!”
Tim and Cathy both embraced her and left. Bryce looked over to the kitchen, Zooey must have spoken to the chef and got them privacy. Bryce strutted toward it, her blue dress flowing behind her and hair bobbing up and down, clutching her bag. She didn’t know or care what Zooey had to say, but she would put her in her place. She had had plenty of tips about awards, projects photo ops. She was bigger and better and she wasn’t drunk, she simply knew she deserved respect. A waitress walked out in front of her holding a plate.
“Excuse me, I’m coming through.”
The young girl, of about 19 or something jumped and backed out of the way.
“Oh uh, sorry Miss -“
“Howard, and whatever, look where you’re going.”
Bryce kept walking and whacked both of the doors open, letting them close behind her.
“Alright I’m here, this better be quick as I’m a busy – MMPPFFHHHH!”
Her world went dark, and suddenly cold. Zooey walked out from behind the counter laughing. Bryce Dallas Howard stood, arms at her sides, clutching her bag with a large plate sticking to her face. It fell away and the pie crust underneath began to slowly break, revealing a bit of yellow and white. A classic old custard pie. It broke in bits, and a huge glob of cream fell in between the stars cleavage.
“That’s the kind of respect you deserve right now Bryce haha.”
Bryce gasped finally, a hole appearing in the cream where her mouth was. She dropped her bag and clawed away the fluffy whiteness from her eyes.
“WHAT THE HELL.”
“It’s a pie.”
Bryce stared daggers at Zooey, who turned around.
“YOU BI – IIIMMMMPPHHHHHH!”
Bryce only saw dark brown before the blackness, feeling a very sticky chocolate brownie cake make contact with her already white and yellow features. Zooey laughed and rubbed the pie tin a little more in, and stepped to her side, turning Bryce, who complied on the spot.
Zooey pushed hard one more time before she released her hand from the tin and Bryce stumbled on her heels backward onto the counter, with a soft, squidgy ‘puft’. Bryce was in a weird position; she could feel the pudding on her face, which was slowly breaking away in bits, and she could also feel a very soft and squidgy substance plastering and sticking to her dress. She gasped again and realised; Zooey had plonked her right down into another cake.
Her frustrated shout caused Zooey to jump and run, whilst Bryce hopped off of the counter, clawing at her eyes once more and shrieking in loud angry bouts.
“IM GOING TO MURDER YOU. YOU JEALOUS BITCH. MY DRESS, OH MY – AGHHHH!”
Bryce yelled in anger again and looked around. Zooey was gone, but the door to the far end was flapping.
“Oh you just try and hide.”
Zooey looked around her. She had come in for a place to hide but couldn’t believe what she found; it was some sort of huge factory or bakery. There was all sorts, a conveyor belt of pies and cakes being pumped out, a machine that must have been making some sort of spaghetti, and other weird contraptions too. Toward the back, there was a cat walk hanging over a large vat of chocolate, which was part of some sort of the largest machine that seemed to make –
“The L.A cake stand. Oh wow.”
The cake stand was a part of an annual fair on the outskirts of L.A. It was a baking fair, and each year a special giant cake was made to put on show in front of the fair. This must have been where it was made. Zooey heard a bang behind her; Bryce had decided to follow. She looked around for somewhere to hide, but couldn’t see anything.
I’ll have to keep running I suppose. Maybe though I can use her chasing me to my advantage…
Picking up a large sticky toffee cake, She looked to her right, a panel of sorts with some buttons. She ran to it, not even knowing what it was for.
“ZOOEY! Where are you, you evil little cow…”
Bryce had just flung open the doors and looked around. She spotted Zooey near a conveyor belt grinning like mad.
“There you are.”
“Oh hiya Bryce!”
Standing tall and regaining her posture she walked over to Zooey, trying to look as important as she could, although with her face covered in chocolate and cream, and the back of her dress also dripping with chocolate, it was hard for Zooey not to laugh.
“What is so fun -“
“You’re covered in cake and all Bryce and your face looks ruined.”
The red head opened her mouth as though she had been slapped.
“HOW DARE YOU.”
“Well it’s true.”
“AS TRUE AS IT MAY BE…Well, it’s not ruined.”
Zooey shrugged her shoulders.
“Maybe you’re right. It’s never looked good anyway.”
Bryce lunged forward and Zooey continued to smile, she took one small step to her right and Bryce flew past her. The now screaming hollywood star tripped at the start of the conveyor belt. Her eyes wide, she saw a large and particularly sticky looking brown cake, and a second late her face fell right into it, cream and toffee spurting out all over the belt, her chocolatey behind pointing into the air. As she slowly lowered it, while slowly pulling up her plastered face, Zooey pressed a random button on the panel and grinned like mad.
As easy as –
Suddenly Zooey found herself being catapulted through the air, landing in front of Bryce.
“You said so -“
Bryce picked up a white fluffy pie and planted it on Zooey’s head, pressing it down. Little droplets of cream fell down the sides of her hair and one in particular plopped onto her nose, the white contrasting brilliantly with Zooey’s dark hair.
“What the hell.”
“Why did you think pressing some button on a machine you didn’t know how to work would do anything to me?”
“I – I don’t know.”
The conveyor belt began to move and suddenly both women laughed at each other, until Bryce stopped.
“This doesn’t mean we’ve made up.”
Zooey had also stopped looking at her new enemy with dislike.
All of a sudden both of them scrambled, Bryce getting up to kneel with a growl. Zooey meanwhile sat up, but felt a hand on her chest, pushing her back down. She fell flat on her back and with a moment, Bryce pounced sitting atop Zooey on the belt.
“I have a ‘ruined’ face huh? THAT DOESN’T EVEN MAKE SENSE. Time to cake I think.”
“That doesn’t even make any sense either you idi – MMPPHH.”
Zooey Deschanel was muffled out as Bryce pushed another white pie down into her face, pressing firmly, enjoying hearing Zooey’s whimper from under the tin. She pulled it away and smiled and looked up as she threw the pie away.
“I think I might be winning.”
Her smile vanished, and eyes widened with sudden horror, as she was looking right up into the barrel of a nozzle.
With a splurging sound, it threw a cascade of icing down onto her, the thick mixture completely coating her sleek red locks. It dripped all down her shoulders and into her cleavage, seeping into her dress and down her arms. She kneeled there, as the white icing turned her into what looked like a statue. After a moment it stopped and Zooey laughed out loud maniacally. From her view, still underneath Bryce, it was amazing to watch. Seeing a below view of the thick cake topping engulf her rival, and drip downward. Best of all, Bryce was well and truly mortified. Bryce’s icy bob of a head lowered so it was looking right in front of her, and she slowly spat out a bit of icing.
“Still winning I think.”
“What is you’re obsession with winning?”
Bryce wiped her eyes and looked down at Zooey.
Bryce smiled and held her arms up as the conveyor belt continued.
“I guess baking.”
Zooey looked at her in confusion for a second, expecting something else, then pushed upward, causing Bryce to scream and fall backward landing with a squelch in icing and some remains of cakes and pies from a few moments earlier. As Bryce opened her eyes she saw the nozzle once ,ore directly above her, and knowing what was about to happen, she scrunched her face up. Zooey crawled in the direction the conveyor belt was headed and looked around, watching a deluge of white falling, a pair of legs kicking from under it.
There’s a maze of god knows how many machines here, what the hell?
She blinked through the cream on her face and kept crawling and after a few moments, turned around again, to be met face to face with a devious looking Bryce, who quickly pulled back at the top of Zooey’s ruined polka dotted dress. Smiling, she let a big mound of her icing fall down off her hand and right onto the actresses chest, spying what was behind her.
She pressed firmly on Zooey’s dress and the icing inside squelched and spread all across her chest and in her bra, and then pushed hard at the wide eyed Zooey who suddenly went falling backward. Bryce turned and reached for a button at the side which stopped the belt. She looked back in time to see a screaming Zooey land with a thick spludge on her back into the vat of custard that was below. The New Girl star hung on the surface for a fraction of a moment, before submerging into the yellow mire quickly. It barely moved from the impact, and after a few moments all that was left was a pair of black tights slowly sucking under. Bryce sighed and stood up.
She turned around and began to walk back the length of the belt when she heard a sloshing sound and some welping. Behind her, Zooey had surfaced, a yellow looking ghost of sorts. She was wiping her face clean and slicked her hair back. Bryce couldn’t resist, she slowly strutted back toward the vat.
“Oh Zooey, love your new look.”
In the vat Zooey just watched her and sighed as Bryce continued holding her hand up and laughing.
“Honestly, I’m green with envy…of you looking yellow.”
Bryce closed her mouth and smiled almost with sympathy.
“Hmm. I guess we know who is better.”
“Where has this pathetic thing about winning come from? I mean seriously?”
Bryce wondered for a moment.
“I guess it’s just a bit of fun. Us famous people are allowed to have such fun, you may not know much about it though.”
Zooey watched her and flicked her eyes for a second to the side. Bryce was either really drunk or crazy insane. Probably both, and to be fair, Zooey felt a bit insane too. She flicked her eyes once more to the side. She knew what she was going to do.
Yeah, both totally insane and I love it.
“Yeah you’re right Bryce. You’re, much, much, better than me. I hold up my hands, my custard covered ones to you.”
Bryce smiled. Seeing Zooey covered and waist deep in custard was pleasing, and arms up in defeat even more so. Zooey waded to the conveyor belt edge.
“Allow me to kiss those feet, the ones that everyones been on about to do with them heels in Jurassic Park -“
“Whatever – allow me.”
Bryce glowered then sat down on the edge and sighed, crossing her legs over each other.
“OK, I’ll humour you. In fact they’re sore you could rub them too please.”
Zooey came forward to the dangling toes, nails painted a dark red, soft looking yet slightly worn. Without a moments hesitation, she grabbed them and yanked. Bryce screamed, falling from her sitting position, to her back.
“WHAT THE – OH NO, NO NO NO! ZOOOEEEEEEY!”
Bryce sat up again, just in time to see Zooey yank once more. As though being dunked at a fair, Bryce fell forward screaming and landed face first with a soft thud in the vat of custard with Zooey, her front engulfed in the slop and her legs below her knees sticking up comically. They fell down a second later and with a blub, she disappeared under the surface. Zooey grabbed the sides of the belt and heaved up, dripping yellow all over it.
“Yeahhhh. Definitely drunk.”
She hung her yellow soaked legs, the tights taking in a tiny bit of the custard, over the vat and a bubbling patch, she quickly dipped her foot in and pulled it out. Bryce popped up spluttering, looking like Zooey; covered in thick yellow custard. Zooey looked to her side and off the conveyor belt. A pie had seemed to have fallen off at some point in the past few days. It was a white cream pie but looked slightly yellow and a slight whiff coming from it. Below, Bryce wiped her face clean and looked up when her rival spoke.
“Hey ginge. Up here.”
“I’M NOT GING – UMPH!”
The pie dropped down right onto her face and Zooey smiled. Another good view of Bryce, wearing a an off and smelly pie on her already tortured face. The red head looked down slowly and the crust and bits of the yellow cream fell off and into the custard.
“Euuurghh, what the hell was in that.”
“What was that about winning Bryce honey?”
“God…that pie smells…old.”
Zooey cringed as she looked at Bryce.
“Yeahhhh, doesn’t smell nice does it?”
Zooey took off one of her shoes and dipped her foot into the custard.
“Know what else probably doesn’t smell nice?”
Bryce didn’t turn her head, but watched with her eyes as Zooey’s foot dipped right in front of her and then hung just above, toes wriggling and custard from it pattering down onto her face. Her cheeks suddenly caught fire and she imagined a photo in her head, one where she was LOSING. Zooey sighed and looked up, closing her eyes, exhausted as she pushed her foot into motion, pressing her foot down onto Bryce, who simply looked at it falling toward her with horror.
“Man I need a drink.”
Below her, Bryce’s expression was of disgust, her mouth open in a downward gawp of embarassment. It felt cold, sticky, wet and a tiny bit silk like from the tights. Bryce cringed; Zooey was right about it probably not smelling nice. She was utterly humiliated. Considering she was currently one of the biggest names in film at the moment, here she was; covered in various puddings, slathered in icing and coated in custard, and finally face up, with Zooey Deschanel’s foot planted in her face. Zooey rubbed it around a little, side to side, forward and back, Bryce’s expression still frozen as her head bobbed to Zooey’s control. With fresh custard all over Bryce’s face and with one final, muffled moan from the redhead, Zooey pushed the redhead down. Bryce slid her face down from Zooey’s foot, mouth open in shock and sank under the custard once more, the surface bubbling where she had been. Zooey stretched, lifting her foot out and rolled off the conveyor belt, hitting a button on the panel. The vat lifted up and poured, a steady stream of yellow pouring into the chocolatey vat next to it. A large yellow covered blob, gasping for air and squealing fell also and landed with a thick splash in the chocolate and custard mix as it began to slowly swirl.
“Now for my prize.”
Sarah walked up to her manager, sighing. What a bitch.
“Order for table 34. Two key lime pies for dessert and a bottle of the house wine.”
She turned but heard a clicking of fingers behind her. She walked back to Jean.
Even though he was stern faced, he spoke with a kind voice.
“You look like you ‘ave been crying. Now as manager I tell you that’s unprofessional and not good service, and as friend I ask, what is ze matter?”
“Just a rude guest earlier. I’ve had a lot of guests been rude tonight but this one really takes the cake, she -“
There was a loud bang and both her and Jean looked round. A large trolley came rolling out, atop it a large multiple tiered cake, and not a neat one. It was bulgy, and messily standing, bits of it falling off as it was pushed out. It even looked like it was about to fall at any second as it was leaning dangerously. It was pink, and all manner of decorated colours. There was criss crosses of yellow and white, tonnes of messily placed bows, mounds of whipped cream all over the place and the red form of decoration at the top, with a few candles lit looked strange. It looked almost like –
“Is zat hair?”
From behind the large disaster of a pud walked Zooey. It had been about an hour or so, and so she had quickly tried to tidy up a bit. Her tights where gone, her dress more or less mess free but looking damp and a little powdered with flour, and her hair was in a tight pony tail behind her, also damp. She had removed pretty much her whole makeup.
“I made the cake stand early! SURPRISE!!!”
There were mumbles of chatter as she stood there, arms held up to it and grinning like a mad woman. One person at the back of the room clapped twice and then realised this wasn’t a joke of any kind, his wife slapping the back of his head. Jean and Sarah walked up to the cake.
“Mizz Deschanel I…well…I mean…”
“Er, chocolate custard filling with what I think will be a *winning* look this year on the outside. Oh yeah and er, hair. Sorry about that.”
All of a sudden with a groan, which collapsed into a frustrated growl, the top of the cake wriggled and broke away, bits of cream and decorating bouncing down and off the cake. Bryce Dallas Howard was encased in the cake, her hair was ruined; bits of dried cream and cake and chocolate and custard, all sorts, had made her hair ragged, hard and standing in parts on end. It was on these sticking up parts that small flames glowed. Her face was red, half from humiliation and half from being boiling warm, and the lines of her once perfect makeup showing. Bits of dried cream and chocolate clung to her features, one bit of dried icing right on the tip of her nose. Adding to the embarrassment and her discomfort, she could still smell the rotten pie that Zooey had dropped on her earlier, bits of it probably in her hair still. Up to her neck in the cake, all she could do was watch Zooey, the manager and that annoying waitress from earlier on who had gotten in her way.
Jean simply stared and shook his head, and spoke as Sarah went from smiling to frowning as she reached over to pull what looked like a sleeve out of the cake.
“Maybe you should get going Mizz Deschanel.”
“No worries, I’ve had a great time. Five stars Mister Caluccio, will be back again. Ta, ta!”
She blew a kiss to Bryce, a final goodbye to her defeated enemy and walked away as Jean scratched his head and Sarah held th mess covered tights Zooey had thrown into the mixing process at some point. In the cake, Bryce went nearly as red as her mess coated hair, the cake trembling a little as Zooey walked away, leaving her to the mercy of the jittering crowd which was beginning to laugh at the whole debacle.
“ZOOEY! YOU INSOLENT COW. YOU EVIL LITTLE SHIT. YOU CAN’T JUST DO THIS AND WALK AWAY. WHO DO YOU THINK I AM? YOU’RE NOTHING, NOTHING BUT A PRETTY FACE WHO HAS NO TALENT. YOU COME BACK HERE -“
Sarah acted quickly rolling up the tights into a ball and grabbing a nearby large lemon tart, which she thought was fitting, and reached up.
“YOU – You stupid little girl what do you want? Get the hell away from me you – wha – NO! MMFFF.”
Sarah pushed the lemon tart into the stars manic face and rubbed it around, with audible squelching. The tin stuck there for a few moments, and then slowly slid downward, lemon slime covering Bryce’s face, droblets dripping down her face. Sarah pulled the tin off and slapped the remnants on top of the her heard, more bits of yellow gloop dripping down her face and onto her cake casing. Through her yellow glazed face, her mouth was open in disbelief of who had just added to her misery. She stayed like that, eyes closed as Sarah stuffed the tights into her gawping mouth, whilst pulling away one of the legs and letting it droop down over the cake. The room erupted into cheer, and from the doorway Zooey took a snap on her phone.
“Yeah, definitely insane. Both of us.”
Yeah, I have no idea either. Totally random and crazy, and quickly thrown out within a couple of hours. I may write more of these if I ever get a similar and sudden idea pop into my head; random silly situations which I made up as I went along. Very silly at times when I read back, but I like it and I hope you do too. That’s fiction for you after all, and I enjoyed writing it!
And very quickly, as I mentioned at the start, yes ‘NGYOB’ is returning very soon. It will be with two brand new nominations that YOU THE READERS have sent in. Dave’s not disposed of any of your letters, do not worry.
Be on the lookout for it over the next couple of weeks.