Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned.
In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.
Suzanna “Suzi” Mia Harrison was a familiar face to all gunge fans who may have been watching the World Cup. After all, her own gungy TV show, Suzi’s Slop Drop, had been such a success that she was a natural choice to fly out to Brazil and join the hosting team for the CSWWC, a CSWL spin-off. The CSWWC (or Celebrity Supporters’ WAM World Cup) had an array of hosts including herself, Gabby Logan and Sarah Carbonero (after all, they needed someone to be impartial during England’s ill-fated matches). The studio had been altered too, as per the designs of Natalie “r1vetgrrl” Orwell from Panicked Productions. The tanks were made wider and longer, giving the occupant some room to move around. However, there were nozzles all over the top and bottom of the tanks making it impossible to completely avoid any gunge, especially since they were capable of articulation. They weren’t so much gunge tanks as what Logan had dubbed “gunge chambers”. The traditional dunk tank and dessert tables were retained, though the latter was scaled down a tad. There was also a pillory with a white line about 11 metres away from it. Clearly, some rules had changed…
Dressed in a glitzy blue dress and her usual footwear (that is to say, none), Suzi took her place between the two gunge chambers and began her duties of hosting the show. “Welcome to the latest CSWWC. I’m Suzi Harrison and tonight, we’re in Sao Paolo for a Group H game. It’s South Korea against Belgium. Belgium are currently top of the group on six points while the Koreans are at the bottom. However, if they and Russia win, and if South Korea win by two more goals than Russia, then both teams playing here tonight will go through. That’s not even factoring in what a tie in that match would mean.” She then gave a quick glance to the women in the gunge chambers. “What we’re really interested in are our two special guests, who have bravely volunteered to motivate their team by joining our little bit of messy fun. Let’s meet the first one. For South Korea, it’s K-pop star Hyuna.”
“Hyuna, you’re one of the most successful K-pop stars around, but like most of us Brits, pretty much all we know about K-pop is that Gangnam Style was a thing. So, tell us a bit more about yourself.”
Hyuna giggled a little bit. “Funny you should mention Gangnam Style, since I did my own version of it with PSY.”
“I feel so educated already!”
“I also used to be in various groups like Wonder Girls and 4minute, but now I’m a solo artist. I’ve also done modelling and advertising work, mostly for Korean stuff most of your viewers have never heard of!” Hyuna said with a laugh.
Suzi nodded. “Sounds very similar to what a lot of pop stars do in England, really. So, are you feeling confident tonight?”
Hyuna shook her head. “Not really! The Taeguk Warriors have not had a good tournament so far and they’re up against the team at the top of the group. Still, I hope they do well and stop me getting too messy!”
“So, not an overwhelming display of confidence from Hyuna. Let’s see if our Belgian representative is any more or less confident. Let’s meet her. From the metal band Bliksem, it’s Peggy Meh… Me-yoo… Mee-urr…”
“Meeussen. It’s really not that difficult,” the Belgian lady said as the camera panned over to her. Like Hyuna, she was sat on a stool in her chamber, but she seemed a bit more relaxed for some reason. Perhaps it was because the odds were in her favour or perhaps it was simply that she didn’t fear getting a bit messy (or a lot messy, as it could have been).
Suzi sighed. “Sorry Peggy. Anyway, tell us about yourself.”
“It’s fine. Anyway, I’m Peggy Meussenn, and I’m the singer from the thrash metal band Bliksem, which means ‘lightning’ in Dutch.”
“Cool! Some of my best friends are in a metal band. They’re called The Kayotics. Ever heard of them?”
Peggy nodded. “Heard of them, yeah. They seem pretty crazy.”
“They are pretty crazy. Still, it would be amazing to see you tour with them. For now though, we’ve got a football game to watch. Hyuna’s not overly confident. How about yourself?”
“Like you guys said, we’re top and Korea’s at the bottom. I don’t mind getting a bit messy if things go wrong for Belgium, but they won’t!” the Bliksem singer said with a grin.
Suzi grinned and turned to the front. “Well, quite a contrast of feelings in the chambers tonight, but it’s not just the score that dictates how messy our two guests will get tonight. Naturally, for each goal, our two plucky young singers will an absolutely thorough splattering of gunge from the nozzles. For the first, it’s their opposing team’s colours, their opposition’s second colours for the second goal, their own first colours for the third and their own second colours for the fourth. If we end up with five or more, it will go back to the start and continue like that. There are nozzles from above for the shirt colours, and below for the shorts colours.”
Suzi looked down at the desserts as the camera pulled back to reveal the trolley. “Then there’s yellow cards. Each yellow card a player gets will get their representative pied in the face. If they get a red, then they get this.” Suzi pulled out a bucket of some kind of red liquid. “Some lovely gunge, the same shade of red as the card, which will be pumped in and splattered on the appropriate guest. Whether it’s from above or below, I couldn’t say! On top of all that, the more of an effort each team puts in will allow our two guests the chance to cake each other. Each shot equates to one dessert, which has to be thrown from 11 metres away from the other. A shot on target, however, can be delivered at point blank range. So Hyuna, let’s say South Korea make seven shots and three are on target. You get to throw seven puddings at Peggy, and three of them will be almost impossible for you to miss!”
Hyuna giggled. “That sounds like fun!”
“Doesn’t it just?! What’s more, she’ll not be able to dodge as she’ll be in the pillory while this is going on. Of course, she’ll have the chance to get you back if Belgium make any shots of their own!” Suzi winked. “There’s one last thing, and that’s the dunk tank. We’ll reveal what’s inside at the end, but if this game’s not a draw, one of you will be going in it! If Belgium win, it will be Hyuna, and if South Korea win then it will be Peggy.”
“What if it is a draw?” Hyuna asked.
Peggy smirked and said “I think Suzi should go in if that happens!”
“Then I’ll hope for an actual result! Draws suck anyway! Now, just one thing to clear up before kick-off. Goal and card-related messes will happen as they happen. Everything else will be settled up after.” The camera cut to the actual match, with small shots of Peggy, Hyuna and Suzi’s reactions as the game began. “Good luck, ladies. This is going to be sloppy!”
The match began, and the three women watched with much the same mindset they’d demonstrated before. Hyuna looked nervous, Peggy looked confident and Suzi looked on in anticipation of what was going to happen. For most of the first half, it didn’t seem to be much of anything. Then, thirty-five minutes in, both Peggy and Hyuna gasped in horror as Hong dragged Mirallis down to the ground. The referee held the yellow card aloft and Hyuna cringed. “That’s a booking for South Korea!” Suzi announced.
“Oh no…” Hyuna mumbled. Her trepidation about the upcoming mess belied just how relieved that the match hadn’t actually gone worse thus far.
Suzi picked a thick, creamy custard pie from the table and opened the door to Hyuna’s chamber. “Come here, Hyuna!” she grinned. Hyuna sighed and resigned herself to her creamy fate. All things considered, it could have been a lot worse, and there was a real feeling among pop detractors the world over that pop stars were spoilt divas with a fear of ever getting their beauty tarnished. This was her chance to prove them wrong. After all, that was why she was there.
Before Hyuna could really prepare, Suzi slammed the pie straight in the pop star’s face and stepped out the chamber. All Hyuna could really do was laugh and bear the brunt of the penalty. She sighed and wiped the worst of the cream and crumbling crust from her eyes, before returning to her seat. The rest of the pie seemed to stay in place really well, much to her discomfort.
The game continued on, with no goals. Half time was rapidly approaching, when something happened that made Peggy’s heart sink. What was Defour doing?! Stamping on Kim Shinwook’s leg, apparently. No wonder the ref had sent him off. “Wait,” thought Peggy. “That means that–“
Before Peggy’s train of thought reached its destination, she felt something splashing on her pretty little toes. The gunge nozzles from below had kicked into life, splashing her feet in a bright red mess and running up her legs. In the space of a few seconds, she’d been thoroughly splashed with cool, red ooze. She pouted and looked at herself in the reflection from the glass of the chamber walls. Crimson streams of sludge splattered all over her face and body, some soaking through her dress. It felt cold and she looked silly, but she couldn’t help smiling. Certainly, she liked the look of her penalty more than Hyuna’s. Looking over at the other chamber, it seemed the pop star didn’t share that opinion. She looked a bit scared of the gunge-covered metal singer. Whether it was the actual gunge or just Peggy’s new, Carrie-esque look, she didn’t say.
The match continued on without incident for the rest of the half. As the whistle went, the studio became the focus of the show once more. “Well, it’s goalless at half-time, but we’ve seen a bit of dirty play. Just how I like it!” Suzi grinned. “Let’s start with Hyuna. Sweetie, you look delicious!”
Hyuna blushed a little underneath the creamy remains of the pie. “Thanks?”
“A bit of a tactical foul from one of your players, but a foul nonetheless. Still, Belgium are down to ten men. That’s got to be good for you.”
“Yeah, I’m a bit more confident now! Plus, red really suits Peggy!” The Bliksem singer just scoffed at Hyuna’s comment.
“I don’t think she agrees, somehow,” said Suzi as she went over to the other chamber. “Peggy, you’re down to ten men. Think you can still win this?”
Peggy nodded. “Yeah, we’ll definitely score in this half. Our team wears red, so we’ll see who really suits it by the time this is over.”
“Well, let’s see what happens in the second half. Who’s going to get showered in glory, and who’s going to get showered in gunge? Let’s find out after this break!” Suzi said as the show cut to adverts.
Part two began and the second half kicked off. Peggy was still dripping with goo, with Hyuna dripping with cream. It took about five minutes for Peggy’s heart to sink again, as Dembélé did something pretty silly and got himself a yellow card. Hyuna couldn’t help grinning smugly as Suzi approached Peggy’s door, cheesecake in hand. The Belgian singer just sighed and approached the door, her bare feet splashing in the red gunge puddles on the floor. Suzi opened it and in one swift moment, smashed the cheesecake into Peggy’s face. It didn’t splatter as dramatically as Hyuna’s pie, but stuck fast. Peggy tried in vain to shake it off, before deciding it might have been more fruitful to just rip off a large chunk of it with her fingers and throw it on the ground. Underneath the cheesecake, she was feeling very disappointed. Not just that two of her country’s players had been caught playing dirty, but that she was paying the price for it.
Suddenly, Peggy’s spirits were lifted. Vertonghen scored! She cheered as the gunge nozzles kicked into action over in Hyuna’s chamber. Waves of red gunge began to splash upon Hyuna, displacing the pie on her face and completely covering the K-pop starlet. There was the odd yellow highlight, fitting with the little details on the Belgian kit. Hyuna didn’t even try to fight back against it – after all, it was coming at her from every angle. There was no escape from her gungy fate. She just bravely grinned and took it, despite Peggy’s incessant laughing. The gunging only lasted a few seconds, but it was enough to cover every square centimetre of Hyuna’s body. She shivered and looked down at her clothes. Hopefully her costume people could get it sorted out for future appearances. “Looking good, Hyuna!” Peggy teased from her chamber. Hyuna just chuckled and watched the rest of the game from beneath her gunky red covering.
A few minutes later, the final whistle sounded. The game was over, and Hyuna sighed as she resigned herself to the fact she’d be getting dunked later. All she hoped was that she could get Peggy extra messy before the dunking. The doors popped open and Suzi stepped forwards. “Well well! A scrappy 1-0 win for Belgium leaves both of our guests gungy and with desserts on their faces. It’s not over yet though, as we’ve got the shots punishment to go through, and I’m worried we won’t have enough! Tonight’s game was hotly contested, after all,” Suzi said, before turning to Peggy. “Peggy, your team were victorious tonight. That means that you’re the first one in the pillory, but also that you’ll be the one doing the dunk later.”
“It’ll make it all the better!” Peggy grinned with a playful malevolence as she and Suzi walked over to the pillory. Suzi opened it up for Peggy to put her head and hands through.
Suzi walked back over to Hyuna with a wry grin on her face. “There were a lot of attempts at the goal in that match, as you saw, and not only did South Korea have more of them, but they had more on-target. To be precise, it’s 18 shots, of which 12 were on-target. Shame none of them ended up as goals, but those are the breaks! Still, you’ve got twelve desserts to mess Peggy up with now, then six from the line.”
Hyuna and Suzi walked over to Peggy with the trolley. “Can I use any of them?” Hyuna asked eagerly.
“Yup. If it’s in a tin or on a paper plate, it’s good,” Suzi said.
Hyuna looked over the dessert table and decided to start with a trifle. She held it above Peggy’s head. The Belgian bit her bottom lip and closed her eyes tightly. Hyuna turned the trifle upside-down and dumped it on Peggy’s head. The cream flowed down the side of her head while the custard went down her face, distributing lumps of jelly throughout the mess. Hyuna followed it up quickly with a custard pie in Peggy’s face. The redhead shook her head and sent little globules of mess off in all directions. “Do all the desserts have to go on her face?”
“Normally I’d say yes, but I don’t think you could mess her face up much more. Go nuts.”
Peggy gasped. “What?! That’s just messed–EEK!” She squealed as Hyuna slapped a custard pie into her backside, the bright cream standing out on the dark, gunge-stained dress. “I am so getting you back for that!” Hyuna just giggled at Peggy’s threat and grabbed an array of desserts. Without mercy, she peppered Peggy’s body with them, covering the Belgian with an array of sweet treats. She had come into this as a tough-looking metal frontwoman in a black dress adorned with skulls and roses, but now she looked like a colourful blob of cream, crust, icing and gunk. It was a weird sensation to be covered in such a tasty array of things, but she was thankful that soon it would be over. All that was left before she’d be freed was the long-range barrage of mess… or so she thought.
“You’ve got two left before the off-target shots bit,” Suzi announced.
Peggy sighed impatiently. She was so sure that Hyuna had used up all her free shots, but apparently not. She saw Hyuna walk towards her with two custard pies in hand, but she walked past her and out of view. “What is she doing?” she thought.
A moment passed, and Hyuna was back in view. “Take a step forwards,” she said.
“What for?” Peggy asked.
“Just do it, please.”
Peggy quickly put two and two together and winced. She raised her slimy left foot up and cautiously placed it slightly forwards, sinking her toes deep into the cream. Wincing in disgust, she decided to just stomp the right pie with her right foot. Hopefully, most of it would displace rather than smother her foot, as had happened with the left. She then cringed as Hyuna and Suzi took their positions at the penalty line. A black forest gateau was the first dessert from Hyuna’s hand, and it hit Peggy square in the face. “Fluke shot!” Peggy teased, but so it turned out to be. The remaining five desserts splattered harmlessly on the actual pillory – not that it was likely possible to get Peggy much messier!
“And that’s it for Peggy’s penalties,” Suzi announced as she and Hyuna took the dessert tray over to the pillory. She let the glop-stricken girl out, but didn’t quite expect the reaction she got. Peggy wrapped her arms around Suzi, wiping a load of the mess on the host. “Ugh, neither England nor Germany played today! No need to punish me!” she said with a slight grin. It just wasn’t one of her shows if she didn’t get some kind of mess, after all!
“You’re German?” Peggy asked.
“Only a quarter. My mum’s mother is,” Suzi explained. “Anyway, you can mess me up if Germany play Belgium!”
Peggy just smirked. “But I’m having fun now!” she said as she ruffled Suzi’s hair, mashing cream into it.
“Can’t you have fun with Hyuna?” Suzi said with a slight glare.
“Oh, fine then!” said Peggy as Suzi put Hyuna into the pillory.
“Peggy, I can announce that Belgium had fifteen shots, eleven of which were on-target. It’s slightly less than what Hyuna got, but I’m sure you’ll have no trouble messing her up,” Suzi said, looking down at her cream-covered dress. Her attempt at humour made Hyuna feel a bit more relaxed in her unenviable position – a feeling which was shaken by the squelching noise of a strawberry gateau being smushed against her face. Three custard pies followed this up, and Peggy took great delight in smearing their contents into Hyuna’s hair. The slimy pop star could only stand there helplessly as Peggy grinned meanly and turned the creamy mess that was her hair into a makeshift beehive style. She then wriggled in discomfort as Peggy shoved a chocolate cake down her top and crushed it into a sloppy mess. Thankfully for Hyuna, Peggy was a lot more merciful with the rest of the free shots, and settled with turning the red-splatted Korean pop princess into a pie-stained, red-splattered Korean pop princess.
Peggy then took the trolley to the penalty line, trailing creamy footprints behind her as she went. She threw two lemon meringue pies, which hit each of Hyuna’s hands. It was an unusual choice of target. “Why did you do that?” Hyuna whined.
“So you can’t wipe yourself off too easily,” Peggy smirked as she threw a custard pie. It missed the intended target of Hyuna’s face, splattering on her left knee instead. A second custard pie found itself dead in the centre of Hyuna’s face, though. Her final shot was a trifle, which spun in mid-air and dumped its mix of cream, custard and jelly on the splattered beehive that was Hyuna’s hair.
“And that’s it!” Suzi announced, releasing Hyuna from the pillory. “We’ve just got one last messy punishment left, and that’s the dunk tank. Let’s uncover the tank!”
Natalie “r1vetgrrl” Orwell and a couple of stagehands moved the tarp over the large vat away, revealing the contents. It was thick, green gunge with the words “COME ON YOU REDS” written in blue – no doubt a reference to the fact that both Belgium and South Korea’s primary colours were red. There were steps leading up to a platform behind the dunk tank seat, with a lever stage right. Hyuna looked at it, seeming to be slightly intimidated by it and the large cylinder poised above the tank. It too seemed to be filled with gunge. Peggy couldn’t help grinning at it. “Not gonna lie, but going in there kinda looks like it could be fun!”
“Oh, it’s not the worst possible thing,” said Suzi, recalling the time she and her former boss did some promotional material for Slop Drop’s first series. “It’s what’s we’ve got lined up for Hyuna, though! So, if you’d take your place on the Seat of Shame, and Peggy, you take your place by the lever.”
Hyuna pouted, but walked up to the seat. She clambered onto it cautiously, trying not to take an early dive into the gunge vat beneath her. As she looked down on the slimy pit from the seat, it suddenly seemed a lot bigger. She crossed her legs and whispered something in Korean, no doubt hoping that it would be done with at any moment. She didn’t even notice Suzi walk up to her and say something. “What was that?” she said quietly.
“I asked if you’d had fun here,” said Suzi.”Oh! Well, my team lost but I enjoyed watching the game and messing Peggy. I just wish it was her going in the pit and not me!”Suzi chuckled a little bit and walked back towards Peggy. “Well, that’s not the case. Now Peggy, your team won the game tonight.” she said as Peggy gripped tightly onto the lever, waiting for Suzi to give her word. “How are you feeling?”
“Slimy and sticky, but great! I might have to try this look in a video or something,” Peggy said, though with a clearly joky tone.”Alright, now pull that lever and dunk Hyuna!”Peggy yanked down on the lever with so much force, that Suzi was worried she’d rip it off. Hyuna jerked forward and flopped forwards into the green goo. She disappeared underneath for a brief moment before resurfacing, only for the cylinder above to dump its payload of light blue ooze on Hyuna’s already absolutely trashed hair. Suzi and Peggy couldn’t help laughing at her as she flopped around in the gunge, playfully making the most of her slimy predicament. Maybe the others were really laughing with her.Suzi walked over to the dunk tank and sat on the edge of it, her bare feet sinking into the goo. “Hyuna, come here a minute,” she said. As Hyuna waded over, Suzi shivered but also smiled. “Can I just say that sitting with your feet in this thing is nice, weird as that sounds?”Peggy walked over and dipped her feet in. “It’s way thicker than the stuff in the chamber too.””Yeah, I like it. Anyway, how do you like it, Hyuna?”Hyuna pouted. “I don’t know what you guys see in it!” she said, splashing Suzi and Peggy, who just laughed and kicked waves of gunge back at her.”Will you be back at the next World Cup?” Suzi asked.Hyuna shook her head. “Probably not. This has been fun, but it’s a once in a lifetime thing, I think!””And you, Peggy. Will we see you again?””You kidding? I’ll be here for the next round probably!”Suzi smiled. “Well, there you have it! That’s it from the three of us here in Sao Paolo. From our victor Peggy Meeussen, our graceful loser Hyuna and I, your always awesome host Suzi Harrison, good night!”As the credits began to roll, Peggy lifted her legs out of the tank and pushed Suzi forwards. The hostess tried to resist, but couldn’t get away thanks to Hyuna grabbing onto her ankles and pulling her into the tank with her. She just smiled at the inevitable happening. After all, what was one of her shows if she didn’t get more than her fair share of the mess?
I originally had a few ideas for CSWL stories based on the World Cup. I pondered doing one with Angela Gossow and Alexis Brown for the Germany/USA game, but canned that for this. I also thought of doing one purely with OCs for England vs. Italy – one of the Kayotics (most likely Kassidy or Michelle – Becky would have been too eager for her own good, Chloe would probably not agree to it, and Yumiko would likely to want to represent Japan) vs. a character from an unfinished story on my blog. Her name’s Cristina Ferro, and she’s an Italian football player who was hired by the Mudford Raiders F.C. – more specifically, their women’s team, The Amazons. She would have gotten a messy initiation ritual in a story heavily influenced by the Shireburgh series and thewhitelady’s works.I hope you guys like my second ever attempt at CSWL. I don’t plan to do any more. It’s not really my thing (I’ll not bore you with why yet again), but the lack of stories when there was a big discussion about it before and a recent demand for more celebrity stories got me thinking that someone ought to give it a go, so why not me?
On a non-WAM note, I’d highly recommend checking Bliksem out. They might have a female singer, but their sound is more thrashy than most female-fronted metal bands. They remind me a fair bit of Anthrax – fitting, as they’re doing a show over there supporting them. Peggy’s also known to take the stage barefoot fairly often (including the one time I saw them), so there’s that too!
Not sure what I’ll post next. It’s between Part Z of the A-Z (which seems to have halted again…), part of my much-delayed WAMiversary series, or a discussion topic at the moment.