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The barrels were placed. Tiffany was sat in the chair in the canvas-bottomed pool, waiting to get gunged. Her shoes had been discarded just outside of the pool, and she was now barefoot. Amanda had taken her place at the control panel. All that was left was the first celebrity.
Alissa White-Gluz, lead vocalist for Canadian band The Agonist, walked onto the stage and sat on the other chair. Luckily for the staunchly vegan metal singer, the remnants of Suzi and Nicki’s custard had slipped away into the dark void beneath the cold metal of the grid. She sat down on the chair and looked to Tiffany with a grin. “You look nervous,” she said.
“I’ll be fine!” Tiffany smiled hesitantly. She was already turning slightly red and not a drop of gunge had fallen on her yet.
Amanda cleared her throat. “If I may have your attention for a moment, I’ve got some facts about Alissa to get out there. First off, that blue hair? Totally natural.” Alissa laughed with Tiffany at the blonde’s good-natured barb. “Second, Alissa isn’t just a singer, she can also growl and scream like a beast. A musically talented beast, but a beast nonetheless. Third, Alissa doesn’t eat anything that comes from an animal. It’s a bit ironic then, that we’re going to cover her in something usually served with pork, but totally ‘cruelty free’ itself,” said Amanda as she pulled the left lever towards her.
Tiffany found herself tensing up as the barrel tilted and started to drop a thick, sticky glop onto her. It had small chunks in it and was a disgusting green-yellow colour. The smell of it gave the strange concoction’s identity away. It was Apple Sauce, and it crawled over Tiffany very slowly. Alissa watched on with an entertained smile on her face, laughing to herself quietly. She didn’t find herself laughing for long as Amanda pulled the right-hand lever.
The second deluge of Apple Sauce began to pour upon Alissa, slow at first but gradually quickening. Harkening back to another Canadian export, You Can’t Do That On Television, Alissa tilted her head back and held her hands aloft, letting the thick sauce wash over her. Her face was covered quickly and she soon stopped looking down as the chunky sauce kept falling. It slithered through her hair like some kind of strange creature, down her back and into her top. Alissa let out a shriek, not too dissimilar to those found in her music, and squirmed as the cold mixture covered her entire body.
Eventually the two barrels were empty, bar some particularly stubborn Apple Sauce that wouldn’t budge. Already Tiffany looked like hell, but she seemed to be smiling. Alissa also had a very brave face, considering how she looked. The metal girl found herself wiping the sauce off her face in large clumps. Maybe she’d be able to get a shower (or at least a towel) before much longer. “Well,” she said as she stood up, “I’ve heard of ‘apple shampoo’ but…”
“There’s just one thing you have to do. If you go stage left, you’ll see a table full of stuff, along with a guy with a camera. Go grab the jar of apple sauce and get your picture,” instructed Amanda. “So, how was it?”
Alissa laughed awkwardly. “I think I’m going to be watching the lumps out for weeks. Still, it’s Tiffany I feel bad for. Good luck, buddy,” she said, walking past Tiffany’s pool and off the stage. Sure enough, just as Amanda had said, there was a large table with various containers of various stuff (some of it no doubt repulsive to Alissa), along with Troy and his camera. Alissa grabbed the jar of Apple Sauce and held it in her right hand, a few inches to the side of her face. She gave a mean look and the horns gesture as Troy pressed the shutter.
Backstage, the next celebrity prepared to meet their messy fate.
Mini-commentary! One thing I was a tad disappointed by in the old A-Z was that the celebs didn’t seem to really factor into the story that much. They basically just turned up, got messed and moved along. As such, I’ve given Alissa a bit more of a role in this than she would have done if she was in the first A-Z. I’ve also made this longer than my offering for last time, but still not overly wordy. The point of these is to be short, after all! How short? Only 666 words, not counting the disclaimer or this bit of waffling on the end. Fitting, no?
And yeah, there are three Suziverse characters in this now. Not sure if this will be Suziverse canon or not. Even if it isn’t, we’re having fun… aren’t we?
I’ll see you again on Part C. In the meantime, I’ll leave you with PML, the brains behind this outfit.