Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.
Suzi arose from her slimy bed. Sure enough, there was indeed a ghost. A ghost wearing a furry green and white robe with a crown of holly on its head, no less. It had blonde hair which reached down to its ears. Suzi was sure she was supposed to recognise the ghost as someone, but she couldn’t quite tell who. “The Ghost of Gungings Present?”
The ghost scoffed. “You don’t recognise me as anyone else, Suzi?”
“Alexandre Hendry! I’ve been waiting to get my revenge on you!” Suzi snapped, recognising the voice. “I’ll scratch your eyes out, you fourth-wall shattering, show-ruining, security-impersonating, borderline-molesting bitch!” Suzi declared as she leapt at Alexandre.
Alex shook her head and put a hand out and grabbed Suzi’s wrist. “No you won’t. You’ll come on another journey.” She immediately let go and recoiled in disgust. “Though I see Past has had her fun with you already.” Alexandre grabbed Suzi’s hand again. “But then again, I am getting rather accustomed to the gunge by now. Plus there’s this…”
Alexandre and Suzi walked into the gunge tank, which immediately sprang into life by dousing them both with pink gunge. Once the deluge had stopped, they found themselves in a vat of pink goo. Alex calmly climbed out, the gunge running straight off her. Once again, Suzi wasn’t so fortunate.
“So Suzi, do you really believe you’re the only one to do something gungey this Christmas?” Alexandre asked. The two of them looked around the room and saw a group of amplifiers, two very familiar guitars, some microphones and a bass, but an unfamiliar drum kit and set of keyboards. A door creaked open and in walked The Kayotics, accompanied by someone else familiar to Suzi: Kassidy Harvey. All five girls were wearing the same “Santa dress” Suzi had worn all those years ago when she gunged Kassidy.
“What’s Kassidy doing with The Kayotics?” Suzi asked. Her answer came very quickly as the five other girls all took off their shoes and went to their instruments. All except one – Chloe went to the keyboards, while Kassidy went to the drumkit.
“One, two, one two three four!” Kassidy called out as she clicked her drumsticks together. The five girls started playing, with Yuriko and Michelle singing a new twist on some familiar lyrics, trading lines off each other.
“On the Slop Drop at Christmas, Miss Suzi gives to thee,
Twelve drummers dumping,
Eleven icing pipers,
Ten lords a-gunging,
Nine ladies flanning,
Eight maids a-milking,
Seven swans of feathers,
Six geese a-laying…”
Yumiko, Michelle and Becky sang in unison for the next line.
“Five cold ice-creams”
The song went back to just Michelle and Yumiko singing again.
“Four custard pies,
Two pudding boots…”
“And a dunk tank by a pear tree!”
“Aww, how nice of them to make a song for me!” Suzi said, airily.
Alexandre nodded. “They wrote it for the show. That’s what the Slop Drop was supposed to be – The Twelve Slops of Christmess.”
“See, it’s atrocious puns like that which are why I hate Christmas specials. That and so many are just so… Not Christmassy, I guess,” Suzi sighed as she watched The Kayotics. Becky was playing a guitar solo to round the song off.
“Great work gals!” Chloe grinned. “Thanks for joining us, Kassidy.”
“No problem, Chloe. I’m beginning to really feel like a proper member of the band,” said Kassidy, who placed her drumsticks on the floor tom and stood up, picking up a bottle of water and taking a large gulp from it. “Let’s get some more songs rehearsed. I’ve been dying to play ‘Waste of Space’!”
Alex looked to Suzi. “Their rehearsal’s going to go on for a while. Let’s go,” she said, leading Suzi through a wall to the outside world. Outside was a building site with a large billboard reading ‘Coming soon: LA TORTE DANS LE VISAGE’ in fancy letters, with a picture of Natsuki Saito and Fifi Dufour with cream on their faces.
“So even those girls are getting into it, huh?” Suzi sighed as she looked at the billboard poster. Fifi had a bit of a shocked expression, quite at odds with Natsuki’s ‘come hither’ look.
Alex nodded. “You know it. Look, we should continue onwards, there’s some more you need to see.”
“I wish you’d let me at least put some shoes on,” Suzi shivered as she walked down the icy street.
“Oh quit bellyaching. It’s not far!”
“Easy for you to say – you’re a ghost!”
Alex rolled her eyes and kept walking on. “In here,” she said, floating through a huge chain link fence.
“The studio?” Suzi asked as she followed Alex into the backstage area. People were hard at work moving props and festive stage decorations. Alex ignored them and walked into the studio proper, Suzi following behind curiously. The two of them stepped out onto the SSD stage and were greeted by what seemed like a winter wonderland. The floor was covered with fluffy white stuff, no doubt intended to represent snow. Even the traditional SSD sofa had white covers on it. In the middle of the studio was a large wooden sleigh, with steps up onto the back. Stage right was the something which rounded off the show quite nicely – a dunk tank by a plastic pear tree, much like The Kayotics had talked about. Various festive props like snowmen, trees, candy canes and tinsel adorned the rest of the studio.
Next thing Suzi knew, a rather short woman in an important-looking suit marched in. “Are we done with setting up the Slop Drop studio for tomorrow?” she shouted.
“Almost, Miss Bunnon!” one of the stage hands called to the woman. She had long, wavy dark hair, slightly tanned skin and a rather prominent nose.
“Typical Emma,” Suzi said, rolling her eyes. “Since Mr. ‘Nilla hired the new stage manager, things have been a bit… bossy.”
Alex chuckled. “Keep watching.”
“—most isn’t good enough, Cecil! Everyone get working harder! You’ve got half an hour before we’re due to clock off, but that doesn’t mean I’ll be letting you go. You’ll be here without pay if you don’t get it done!” Emma demanded, her annoyance punctuated with her very posh-sounding voice.
Cecil looked to one of the other stage hands and nodded. “I think you’d be a lot happier if you came onto the stage and took a look for yourself,” he smirked, leading Emma onto the stage, Suzi and Alex watching intently.
Suzi noticed who the stage hand Cecil had nodded to was. “My cousin, Stuart! I didn’t realise he’d been hired as a stage hand!” she grinned.
Stuart smirked. “Welcome to a one-night-only Stewie’s Slop Drop!”
“What did you say?” Emma asked with a tad more annoyance than actual confusion.
“Though sadly the dunk tank’s not ready yet, so we can’t actually drop you in any slop, I’ll tell you what we can do though,” Stuart said, walking backstage. He came back holding a large hose.
Suzi looked at the hose with some curiosity. “He’s not seriously going to… Is he?”
Emma braced herself as Stuart flicked a switch on the hose, causing a machine backstage to start whirring loudly. Colourless clear gunge began to stream out of the nozzle, splashing Emma and covering her head, outfit and shoes. “STUART! YOU’RE FIRED!” she screamed.
“No, he isn’t,” a machine-like voice echoed from the stage entrance. “I’d been hearing about your domineering attitude towards the staff. While I generally can’t condone Stuart’s action, I’m not firing him.” Mr Vanilla himself had arrived to try and restore some order. “Emma, let the stage hands prepare the stage. They’re just about done. If you don’t go easy on them, I swear to Dio that I’ll become the Ghost of Gungings Future; team up with the ghost of a non-living thing, a non-dead half-Japanese bassist and a girl who isn’t presently dead but will wish she would be by the time I’m done with her; and scare you into becoming a good employee!”
“And that I think is our cue to exit,” Alex said embarrassedly, grabbing Suzi’s wrist and running out of the building.
Soon enough, they found themselves in the streets again as two women started to walk towards them. It was Tegan and Melanie, the first ever people Suzi had gunged on SSD. They were deep in conversation. “Tomorrow night’s your night off, isn’t it Mel?” Tegan asked.
Melanie nodded. “Yeah, probably going to spend the night at home and watching TV.”
“Anything good on?”
“Nah, just the usual crap really. Soaps, panel shows, so-called reality shows, nothing special,” Melanie said, rolling her eyes and sighing.
“Huh, thought Suzi’s Slop Drop would be on?” Tegan asked.
Melanie chuckled. “Oh yeah, it’s her Christmas episode. I might watch that if there’s nothing better on.”
Tegan laughed a little bit. “If there’s nothing better on? Mel, I love that show! You gotta record it for me!”
“It’s mindless entertainment for people staggering home from a night out after a load of beer and Jaegerbombs and apparently, people who get a jolly out of seeing people get gunged. You can’t seriously like it, can you?”
Tegan nodded. “I do. Besides, you took me on there. Who are you to judge?”
“Yeah, you’re one of the vendors of said drinks!” Suzi yelled as Melanie and Tegan walked by, completely oblivious as everyone else.
Alex chuckled a little. “Don’t you see? Even if it’s a silly idea, you’ve got a fan base. You don’t want to let them down, do you?”
“Well no, but it still feels like an obligation. Why can’t we just make normal episodes of Slop Drop? Why’s it got to be Christmassy?” Suzi protested. “I’m not saying it should cater specifically to non-Christians by being a Hanukah or Yule or Divali special or whatever, or that it should be just generically wintery. My main issue is that it’s seasonal for a season that doesn’t lend itself to mess.”
“Are you going to monologue or are you going to go back to the Kayotics’ rehearsal space with me? I said there was a good reason to, didn’t I?” Alex frowned, dragging Suzi down the street.
Soon enough, they’d arrived at the rehearsal room, but Alex was looking exhausted. She lowered the hood on her great green robe, revealing that her hair had gone white. She looked ancient. “Go inside and enjoy yourself. I’m done here. I need to go back to where I was and recuperate. I’m the Ghost of Gungings Present, you see. The one that’s going on now will be the last one in the nearby area for the day, so I can’t sustain this form.”
“Gungings aren’t a common thing,” Suzi pointed out. “How did you manage to sustain your form this long?”
Alex gave one last chuckle. “If you knew where I lived now, you’d understand! But go inside and see what’s happening. Then when you’re done, jump in the gunge vat and return to your time.” Alex then lied down and fell asleep.
Suzi entered the rehearsal room and was greeted by a spectacular scene. Yumiko, Becky, Chloe and Michelle had all each grabbed one of Kassidy’s limbs and carried her over to the gunge vat. The original four Kayotics were stood roughly knee-deep in the gunge, Kassidy anticipating the inevitable drop with glee. “This kinda reminds me of sixth form!” Kassidy giggled.
“I know; I was there!” Michelle grinned. “I still can’t believe that bitch Kelton won one of the prizes!”
“Because chocolates are so much better than gift vouchers and the chance to gunge someone,” Suzi muttered to herself.
“I think we should let her go all at the same time,” Becky smiled. “On the count of three. One! Two! Three!”
At that exact moment, Yumiko and Becky let go of Kassidy’s ankles and legs while Becky and Michelle let go of the wrists and back. Kassidy plummeted, making an impressive splash which splattered on her new bandmates, staining them with pinkness. Having spent a brief moment under the gunge, she resurfaced and embraced the girls in a sloppy group hug. “Thanks for this, guys!” She then let them go and let the gunge drip off her.
“Hey, we should go shower, then clean and tidy the place,” Chloe pointed out. The others nodded and clambered out of the gunge vat, stepping cautiously on the protective plastic they’d laid down on the floor to avoid slipping over. They walked through a door into a back room, leaving Suzi alone in the room.
Knowing that her presence in the world currently wasn’t affected by walls, she decided to leave the pink trail of drops and footprints left by the Kayotics as a sort of “slip-n-slide”. She took a dive and hurtled towards the gunge vat, her night dress finally tearing and ending up left behind. She finished off in her bed, naked and covered in the same pink gunge that The Kayotics had used as a sort of twisted baptism for Kassidy. Sleeping in such cold muck would prove difficult…
Oh wait, she still had one more haunting to endure. Most likely with a male ghost this time. A male ghost who was actually her boss.
“Well ain’t that just peachy?” she whispered to herself as she reminded herself of that fact.