Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.
With apologies to Richard O’Brian.
Darkness had fallen on the SSD Studio, which was quickly permeated by a single spotlight falling upon a ghostly-looking woman holding a black 5-string BC Rich Warlock bass. She was stood behind a microphone, wearing a large white dress. Her long black hair was draped over her face. A closer look showed that she was not the creepy girl from The Ring, but in fact Kayotics bassist Yumiko. She started singing with crystal clarity.
“It’s astounding. Slime is dripping,
Made with Natrosol
But now watch closely…”
The light shifted over to Yumiko’s left, revealing a witch with a red Fender Telecaster. It wasn’t really a witch, but Michelle in a costume. She too was behind a microphone. Her singing voice was a little bit rougher, but still quite pleasant to listen to.
“Just for one hour longer.”
“You’re going to lose control.”
The studio lit up, revealing the whole studio. It was decorated in a creepy style, with black as the dominant colour. There were all kinds of colours accentuating the studio, most of them purples and greens with the occasional bit of yellow and red. Skeletons, disembodied skulls, bats, ghosts and classic-style vampires adorned the various nooks and crannies of the studio. The usual chair and sofa had been bolstered with an additional chair. The Kayotics were put on some kind of stage, with Becky dressed as a vampire seductress and Chloe wrapped in toilet roll and bandages, no doubt as some kind of mummy. Clearly she was going for a light outfit that wouldn’t interfere with her drumming too much. Unusually, Becky was playing a set keyboards rather than her usual guitar. Yumiko continued singing.
“I remember doing the slime warp
Dripping from buckets when
Some cream pies would hit me…”
Michelle joined in for the next line: “And the mud would be calling!”
All four of them then sang the hook. “Let’s do the Slime Warp again!
Let’s do the slime warp again!”
Suzi then walked out, dressed in a schoolgirl outfit with twin pigtails and a hockey mask, which she promptly removed. Much to everyone’s horror, she too was going to sing. It was a well-documented fact that when she went out with people like Yumiko, Ashton and Emily to karaoke she would usually get drunk, pick Call Me Maybe and sing very loudly and very out-of-key. It had gotten to the point she was banned from most pubs in Mudford on karaoke night and only a handful of karaoke bars would let her visit. Tonight though, she was sober and singing a small bit of badly-written parody of The Time Warp. Maybe she wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe it would be because she wasn’t actually going to sing per se. She picked up a pointing stick and addressed a series of diagrams, depicting various blobs and custard pies.
“It’s just some gunge on your breasts.”
“And then a dirty great pi-i-i-i-ie!” sang the band in harmony.
“With the slime on your nips…”
“The cream goes into your eeeeye,
But it’s the crumbling cruuuuust,
That really drives you insa-yay-yay-ane!
Let’s do the Slime Warp again!
Let’s do the Slime Warp again!”
With the song over and the crowd (all dressed in various silly costumes) cheering and wooping after a somewhat impromptu dancing session, Suzi decided to get the show on the move. “Thanks to my friends The Kayotics there. And Yumi, don’t go climbing out of the viewers’ screens alright?” she teased. “Welcome to the Suzi’s Slop Drop Halloween Special. We’ll be seeing more from the Kayotics in Part 2, when we’ll be testing out the gunge punishments. For now, we’ll need to introduce tonight’s gungees. It’s Halloween, so we thought we’d get some horror and slasher flick survivors. But the question is tonight, who is going to be our final girl? Will it be our first guest, survivor the recent remake of The Thing, Mary Elizabeth Winstead?”
Mary walked out and sat to Suzi’s left. “Hi Mary! As is usually the case I took some time to do some research,” Suzi explained, making Mary gulp slightly. She’d remembered what had happened to Emma Watson, whom had been revealed to have been featured in gunge stories; a fact which was a little bit embarrassing. “You’ve been in quite a lot of horror flicks. Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, Final Destination 3, Black Christmas, Death Proof… My point is, you’re a real scream queen!”
How relieving! It seemed Suzi wasn’t going to mention that after all. In fact, she’d even gone so far as to give her a compliment. Mary laughed a little and said “Yeah, I’m kind of a veteran now. I’m sure there’s loads of horror fans that would love to see me covered in icky slime since I’ve been in so much!”
Suzi chuckled. “Well, I wouldn’t know, though it does seem there are many Scott Pilgrim fans that do. You see, you also starred in a story I read once called The Ramp. I must say that after the Alex Hendry incident I’m not entirely sure what is and isn’t real anymore though. Maybe you’re a fellow gunge veteran too?”
Mary frowned. “I don’t think so!” she shuddered.
“Still, there’s a 75% chance you’ll be getting some form of mess tonight. Those really aren’t the best odds, sweetie!” Suzi smiled creepily. “But I’ll explain that later. After all, there’s three other people she’s running against. Let’s meet the second one. A survivor from the Dawn of the Dead remake… sort of. Ladies and gentlemen, it’s Sarah Polley!”
Sarah seemed a little bit more eager to be there than Mary, walking out onto the stage and sitting to Suzi’s right. “Sarah, hi! You look like you’re looking forward to tonight’s proceedings.”
“Of course, I’m going to be here to see some of my fellow actresses getting really slimy,” Sarah smiled as she crossed her legs and relaxed in her seat.
“This is despite the fact there’s also a 75% chance of one of them being you?”
Sarah nodded. “There is, but there’s also a 100% chance of it being at least two others. I can probably put up with getting a bit gooey if it means seeing Mary or whoever else getting slimy too.” She then looked to Mary and said “Nothing personal.”
“Don’t worry about it. You won’t be seeing me get messy tonight,” Mary said confidently.
Suzi chuckled at the bravado of the two guests she’d had on already. “So much confidence which I hope is misplaced! Anyway, our third potential gungee is another remake survivor: From Friday the 13th, Amanda Righetti.”
Amanda tottered on and sat down between Suzi and Mary. “Hey Amanda. So, what do you make of your chances tonight?” Suzi asked.
“Hmm… Well, my movie isn’t as loved as some of the others so I’m hoping that means people won’t have seen it. They’ll hopefully vote for the other three leaving me squeaky clean!” she giggled.
Suzi was loving this! Already two of them were confident of going home clean and the other had hinted that she wouldn’t care about getting messy if it meant seeing two others get it. Still, if there was one thing she knew how to do it was completely shatter their supposed confidence with gallons of sticky ooze. In this case, she was hoping a few words would do the trick though. “To turn that on its head, because the Friday the 13th remake is so… unloved, it means that people might want to see you gunged for being involved in it.”
Amanda shook her head. “No, I’m pretty sure it means the other three are better known so they’ll get gunged.”
“You’re not shifting on this, are you? Anyway, last but not least, from Zombieland it’s Emma Stone.”
Emma walked on and took the last remaining seat, between Sarah and Suzi. “Hey Emma. You weren’t technically the final girl in Zombieland so how do you feel about the possibility of being the final girl tonight?”
Emma chuckled. “You think I’m silly enough to really believe that I’m going away clean? While I’d love that I’m not going to force anyone into voting any particular way.”
“Is that because you want to get messy?” Suzi suggested, her enthusiasm seeming to infect Emma a little bit.
Emma however shook her head. “No more than anyone else, I’m just being realistic. We all agreed to get gunged if we lost. Does that necessarily mean that anyone else wants to get gunged?”
“Fair point. Also, I found out that you learned to play bass for your role in The Rocker,” Suzi said, changing the subject rather dramatically. “Any chance that you could show us later?”
With a bit of enthusiasm, Emma gave a nod. “If your friend has a four-string I can borrow, sure,” she said, looking to The Kayotics. Yumiko gave a wry smile and put her left thumb up.
“Cool.” Suzi then turned to a nearby camera. “This week things are a little different. As always, you can vote once. Whoever gets the least votes will be going home clean, with the other three getting various degrees of mess depending on how many votes they get. Obviously the one with the most votes gets it most and whoever gets the least votes goes home clean. Join us in Part 2 when my friends The Kayotics will be demonstrating just what horrible messes there are in store. See you then!”
The show then cut to commercial, while in the studio the Kayotics started playing a cover of the Touch-A Touch-A Touch Me.
A few notes:
While Michelle, Becky and Chloe’s outfits aren’t meant to resemble anyone in particular, Yumiko is styled off the girl from The Ring. Whether it’s Samara or Sadako is up to you really – she could pull off either reasonably. Suzi is styled on Holly Dexler from The Slapstick Killers. I’ll go into their outfits in more detail in Part 2.
Also Yumiko and Michelle’s instruments are actually real brands of instruments – the BC Rich Warlock and Fender Telecaster. I’d always intended for Yumiko to play a Warlock – the fact its name (and to some degree, aesthetic) is fitting for this episode is an honest-to-goodness coincidence.
Part 2 next Friday. It’s 99% complete essentially so there won’t be a schedule slip this time.