I’m not sure how exactly I’m going to contact Alexandre so I’m just going to write this and leave it for her to hopefully read.
Alex, while I would relish the opportunity to punish you for fucking up my story, I’m not going to. PML already served you a nice bit of discipline and really, what more could I do? I’m not like you, the kind of person who would have a girl who’s already been gunged before do it naked just for extra effect. I’m certainly not an advocate of the death sentence, so killing you off isn’t an option for me either. After all, what’s the point of teaching you a lesson if you’re not going to learn from it?
My retribution is far more subtle than that. I want you to read through this build-up story and comprehend exactly what you’ll be messing with if you try a stunt like the one you pulled again. You should know by now that I have plenty of methods for punishing you should you try and interfere with my works again. Maybe you’ll be spun around at high speeds like Amy Lee. Perhaps you’ll be like those pop stars and take a ride in a modified skip. It’s also possible that I’ll just sic The Kayotics on you and let them have their merry way with you – not even Chloe, the sensible one despite being the drummer, would turn down a chance of getting even in the name of a friend of a friend.
Don’t make me have to actually teach you the folly of ruining people’s works. PML should have done so quite effectively already.
Now, onto the obligations before the real fun can begin.
Disclaimer: Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment
Pure darkness. This was all Suzi was able to see through the blindfold that had been placed over her eyes. “Ashy, where are you taking me exactly?” she asked. Her voice was no longer carrying the whiny feebleness she’d been reduced to after the Alex incident. She sounded a strange mix of worried but also excited. And why wouldn’t she be? Enough time had passed that people weren’t that bothered about the incident anymore. Sure, people recognised her in the street and reacted in various ways. Some muttered and some jeered. It was those who were sympathetic to her that had raised her spirits, however. The amount of hugs she’d gotten from random strangers across the city of Mudford was staggering.
“We’re giving you the perfect finale to the best damned day of your life,” Ashton said back. And what a day it had been thus far!
Suzi’s house, 11:00. It was two days after Ashton had threatened to call ‘Nilla; she and Suzi were lounging around the house. “Why am I up so early again?” Suzi asked wearily. Under Ashton’s pestering she was at least eating normally and looking better for it. Her comment was a bit unjust, however – 11am was hardly “early”.
“I’m putting things right, Suz. This sickly bitch who spends all her time playing God on some game isn’t that fun-loving crazy chick I know and like,” Ashton frowned. “I’m not the only person who’s worried about you either. I went to see Mr. Vanilla yesterday.”
“What did he have to say?”
Ashton took a deep breath, trying to recall the details of what exactly he’d said. For now she decided to buy time. “The Kayotics and those restaurateurs were there too. We had come to the conclusion that the fourth wall has been penetrated.” Suzi stared at Ashton blankly as she said it. Ashton continued on nonetheless. “Vanilla is a member of a secret order known as The Authors who are dedicated to protecting the secrets of the multiverse. However, given the circumstances, he has decided to share some very important information. So long as we don’t share it we’ll be fine but if it gets out, we’re dead.”
Suzi gulped. “Dead?”
“If you blab about it, then yes! Anyway, The Authors know the shape of the multiverse. It’s a tetrahedron or in layman’s terms, a triangle-based pyramid. However since it’s suspended in nothingness, there’s no real top or bottom and so every side can be considered a wall,” Ashton explained.
“So there are four walls. What’s special about the fourth?” Suzi asked.
“The four walls of the multiverse are supposed to be indestructible, which is 75% true – the first, second and third walls are impenetrable. However, The Authors and their counterparts in other universes have figured out ways of breaking the fourth wall. With that they were able to get glimpses into the various universes and gain knowledge from them.”
Suzi just chuckled. “That is the most retarded thing I have ever heard.”
Ashton shrugged her shoulders, not really giving much of a damn about Suzi’s thoughts or if what ‘Nilla had told her was complete nonsense. “He did say it explains a few things. Like how everyone remembers Fifi’s reaction to the gunge differently.”
“What do you mean? She seemed to enjoy it,” Suzi asked.
“Then why was she in tears?”
Suzi went quiet. “She wasn’t, was she?” she said eventually.
“Right. Some people said she enjoyed it, some said she cried, some even said she threw a tantrum over getting so messy. It’s an anomaly in the universe,” Ashton explained. “More importantly, it explains what that Hendry bitch was talking about.”
Alexandre Hendry. The very name made Suzi shudder with the horrible memories of that night and the days that followed. She’d said that everything that had happened to her was just a story, completely fictitious. “So this is just a story?” Suzi realised eventually.
Ashton shook her head. “Not exactly. The multiverse has a universe for every possibility. It’s possible Hendry is from one where that is the case.” She then stopped there and cleared her throat. “Anyway, none of that matters. Vanilla wanted me to do a job for him – get your spirits back up. You are going to get your shoes on and go on a shopping spree with me.”
Back in the present, Suzi had been guided to a very familiar-feeling chair. “No, there’s plenty of chairs like that,” she thought as she adjusted herself in it. Some small plastic object had been placed on her lap. “A microphone? What’s going…”
“Okay Suz! Take your blindfold off!” Ashton’s voice called from far behind her.
Suzi did so and looked around. Everything was still dark, though not for much longer. Stage lighting illuminated the room around her, revealing she was in the Slop Drop studio. There was a huge audience cheering for her and chanting her name. Overwhelming to be sure, but Suzi was still unsure about what was happening. “Do I have to read this?” she asked, pointing to an autocue.
“Yeah, it’s time for your comeback,” Ashton called.
Suzi felt her toes curl as she began to read. She was wearing a pair of black Converse high-top trainers with purple thigh-high socks and a matching mini-dress. “He-h-he-hello and welcome to Suzi’s Slop Drop!” she shouted into the microphone, trying to mask her sheer terror with bravado. She was failing somewhat but the audience were cheering madly anyway. “Tonight is our comeback show!” More wild applause. “We’ve got special guests and lots of gunge!”
“She’s doing great,” Ashton thought as she watched Suzi presenting and clearly starting to enjoy herself.
“Let’s get our first guest out,” Suzi said, looking to the autocue to see who it could be. Much to her surprise, it was a celebrity! Not just that but one who had won FHM’s Sexiest Woman in the World poll. “It’s Tulisa!” she shouted, channelling the X Factor announcer a little.
Tulisa walked out to the sound of yet more manic applause and sat on the couch. “Hey Suzi, how are you doing?” she asked warmly, crossing her legs and sitting back.
“Good thanks, I’m enjoying myself even though I didn’t know I’d be presenting tonight,” Suzi half-laughed. “Anyway, I’m sure there’s someone you want to gunge, right?”
Tulisa nodded. “Amy MacDonald. She apparently hates The X Factor and thinks it prevents new talent from being discovered and making the charts. The X Factor has discovered so many great acts and given them careers though. People like Leona Lewis, Little Mix of course, One Direction…”
“Well, I know who I’m rooting for now,” Suzi muttered to herself. “But you’re saying those people wouldn’t have been successful if they hadn’t been discovered by The X Factor?”
“Of course. There’s a lot of talent out there that can’t become successful otherwise.”
“I could argue the point all night if I wanted to, but it’s not down to me,” Suzi frowned slightly, instead deciding to move the show on. “Let’s instead meet your nominee, Amy MacDonald!”
The reaction to Amy was rather mixed and said a lot about the crowd’s thoughts on the matter – for every cheer there was a loud boo or jeer. Undeterred, she walked out and sat between Tulisa and Suzi. “Hey Suzi, let’s not hope for a repeat of last time eh?”
Suzi cleared her throat awkwardly and tried to keep the show moving. “Yeah, no. Let’s get on with this. So, I take it
you disagree with what Tulisa has to say?”
“Of course I disagree, that’s why I’m here,” Amy laughed a little. “Anyway, The X Factor actually makes it harder for new musicians to break through. There are people out there who can sing better than many of the finalists but because they don’t go down that route they don’t get to go big instantly. It’s unfair on proper, struggling musicians.”
“Are you saying that X Factor contestants aren’t proper musicians?!” Tulisa snapped.
“A lot of them aren’t and end up as flash-in-the-pan one-hit-wonders,” explained Amy. “Take Leon Jackson for example. He did just one album before he was dropped from his label. And what about Steve Brookstein?”
Suzi tilted her head and looked at Amy with a vacant, puzzled stare. “Who’s Steve Brookstein?”
“Well exactly. Meanwhile there are plenty of acts who have managed to last a while without going on one of those shows,” Amy explained.
“I see. Well, before things get ugly here I’m going to call a break. Join us in part two when we’ll be discovering the answers to a bunch of questions. Do X Factor contestants count as real musicians? What’s the slop drop going to be like this time? And really, who is Steve Brookstein? See you then!”
((Oh, and by the way, the update’s going to be on Thursday night with the final part next Sunday or maybe Monday depending on what hours I get at the weekend/how long my band meeting on Sunday is/how lazy I get. A couple of changes from before though – I’m not going to reveal the poll results until part 3. It’s also going be a little more difficult to multiple vote, since I’m pretty sure people have been doing that in previous polls.))