While I give Top of the Slops some off-time I thought I’d try my hand at a poll series which makes simultaneous use of celebrity and original character messings. This is the “Project SMH” thing I referred to a while ago. The SMH stands for the presenter character’s name. It takes place in the same “universe” as Top of the Slops and my two Kayotics stories (Secrets and Becky’s Game). So, here’s the prologue and introduction to our hostess.
Oh, and let us not forget that this story is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and the characters are fictional. Any resemblance to real events or persons is coincidence. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.
Suzanna Mia Harrison was a media studies graduate who had been working at a community radio station for five of her 23 years of existence. Her ambitions were so much higher, which is why when she found out about an opportunity to host a small Saturday night entertainment show, she leapt at the opportunity.
It wasn’t like Suzi “had a face for radio” by any means. She was a perfectly healthy woman with skin a similar shade to cornsilk. Her green eyes almost seemed to pop vibrantly, partly thanks to the makeup she preferred to use. She usually had her long, pale brown hair in waves, held out of her eyes with an orange hair band.
Having applied for the job and waited several weeks, a letter appeared in Suzi’s mailbox. She opened it and went to read it, placing a mug of hot chocolate on her coffee table as she sprawled out on her leather sofa.
“Dear Suzanna,” it began. Formal – almost nobody actually called her that, instead opting for her preferred name of Suzi. It felt far more youthful, for one thing.
“This letter contains some good news and bad news. Starting with the latter, the bad news is that Panicked Productions have decided you wouldn’t be the ideal first choice for presenting the Slop Drop Show.”
Suzi’s heart sank, but she read on nonetheless.
“The good news is that our first choice decided not to take the job in the end and that you were the second choice. As such, the job is yours if you are still interested.”
She couldn’t believe it. She was on course to make her TV debut. But wait… There was still more.
“ All you need to do is call our office and arrange a time to visit and get gunged.”
“We feel it is only fair that someone presenting a show about gunging people should be willing to get gunged themselves.
We look forward to your reply. Yours sincerely, Mr. ‘Nilla, Head of Panicked Productions.”
Suzi thought over the letter’s deal carefully. She was very familiar with Panicked Productions’ hit show Top of the Slops. What’s more, her friend Michelle had told her about a couple of times she’d been gunged before. While she didn’t go into many details she did say that she enjoyed the experience both times.
She was going to do it. In a swift motion she sat up, grabbed her phone and rang the number.
Several weeks passed until finally, the day of Suzi’s gunging had arrived. She decided to take public transport to the Panicked Productions main office due to her car needing some urgent repairs. She was wearing a cute orange mini-dress and white trainers. Underneath she was barefoot and wearing a white bikini. As she entered through the rotating doors she was greeted by a man in a black mask and suit. The only clue as to his identity was the nametag on his chest that said ‘Mr. ‘Nilla’. “I’ve been waiting for you, Suzi. How are you feeling at the moment?”
“Weird. I kinda know what to expect but I have no idea if I’ll like it or not,” she answered.
‘Nilla nodded. “I see. Come with me.” He led Suzi over to the lift and pressed the call button. From his top pocket he produced a key and put it into a slot for a level marked B4. A quick descent later and the two of them found themselves in a completely grey room, save for a huge vat with a plastic chair on top. Above it was a large hopper of some kind. All around the rig were cameras.
Suzi couldn’t quite believe the scale of the apparatus that ‘Nilla had set up. “I take it this is the Slop Drop?”
‘Nilla shook his head and chuckled to himself. “Please, this is just a tricked out version of one of the dunk tanks from Slops,” he smirked under his mask. “The actual Slop Drop will be a bit more creative. A lot more, actually, varying by week. This is your test, though. Some steps are at the back.”
Suzi walked over to the back of the dunk tank and sure enough, there were corrugated iron stairs leading up to the dunking chair. She slipped her trainers off and ascended, not quite ready to take her seat. “I don’t wanna ruin my dress. Mind if I take it off?” she called to ‘Nilla.
“Actually yes. The gungings in the actual show won’t be in underwear, neither will yours. It’s far more humiliating for the victims to have their own clothes splattered,” he explained. “It’s only fair.”
Suzi pouted. She had expected to be able to get away with getting dunked in her bikini, but clearly that was out of the question. She clambered onto the dunk chair and let her feet dangle into the vivid lime green slime beneath. She swirled her feet around, trying to work out the texture and temperature of the stuff. It was almost frigid, which worked out fine for her since it was gloriously warm outside. Thick too – clearly this wasn’t the watery crap that ITV had used in the 2000s. She winced as she felt it coursing between her toes. She wasn’t sure if it was just particularly thick but she thought she felt some lumps in it. The idea of being dropped in it suddenly seemed less appealing.
She didn’t get very long to gather her thoughts on the matter as the next thing she knew, the back of the chair jerked forwards, tilting the contraption so she went face-first into the goopy concoction formerly beneath her feet. She screamed as she dropped downwards, getting a mouthful of muck as she went under. Struggling to get her head out of the slime, she thrashed around. This stuff felt awful as her dress clung to her skin, exposing her beautifully round bosom as the slime dragged it downward. This didn’t bother her too much as her bikini would have exposed more, but she was still displaying a mortified expression. Perhaps almost comically so.
Above Suzi’s head there was a loud clunking noise. She looked up and got pelted with a seemingly endless cascade of pink gunge, even colder than the green she was already coated in. It was a little bit thinner, too. She didn’t even bother struggling against it and just let it pour all over her head, washing away some of the green. After about a minute the downpour ceased and the tank drained itself, leaving a very gooey Suzi standing in it, her top half pink and her legs green. Her dress hadn’t managed to hold up during the gunging and had collapsed in a sorry pile at her feet. ‘Nilla finally spoke, having kept quiet throughout. “Well, you passed. Congratulations. If you want the job, it’s yours.”
Suzi let out a quiet “Thanks,” under her breath.
“I quite enjoyed seeing you squirm about in the gunge. Some good acting there,” ‘Nilla added.
‘Acting’ wasn’t the correct term at all, but Suzi took the compliment. “Thank you. Anyway, what do we do now? I can’t exactly go home in my bikini and dripping with goo.”
‘Nilla nodded. “Very true. We’ll work something out. You come up to my office for now. I’ll need you to sign something.”
“What is it?” Suzi asked sceptically.
“Just confirmation that you’ll want the footage filmed of your dunking used for the trailer,” ‘Nilla answered casually.
Suzi thought over what ‘Nilla had said carefully. While she had agreed on the phone that if the dunk had been filmed it could be used for promotion she hadn’t expected it to actually happen. There was no going back now though, and it wasn’t like she was going to be as humiliated as the gungees in her show. “Alright, we’ll do this.” Her tone suddenly turned a little meaner. “Now that I know what hell I’m gonna be putting some dolled-up divas through, I can’t wait to start.”
To be continued in Suzi’s Slop Drop Episode 1. Coming soon! I hope!