Y is (also) for…

Thing went rather sour after Xuxa’s messing, but chaos was always in the nature of live entertainment, be it in the form of stage invasions, elephants shitting on the floor or (as it was in this case), a huge cock-up in the mess preparation. “Why the hell is this not seperated properly?” asked a rather irate Natalie Orwell to a stagehand.

“I didn’t realise they needed separating!” the girl quivered. She was local to the Nottinghamshire area, a young and poor student working at the studio for money and relevant(-ish) experience towards her media degree. The stagehand had pink hair in a pixie cut, blue eyes and a single stud nosering on the right of her face. She had a thin frame, dressed in a white polo shirt, black trousers and black high-tops.

Natalie’s eyes looked the stagehand over. “Go to catering, get some more up here and get them seperated properly. I’ll even get some more people to help. You’ve got 20 minutes, or you will face a disciplinary measure. Do you understand, Samantha? ”

“Yes boss!” the pink-haired girl nodded.


Twenty minutes later, Natalie was back to check on Samantha. She peered into the Y Barrel. “Not quite there. I don’t want to say this, but that’s a failure.”

Samantha gasped. “No! Just six more jugs and it’s there!” she said, holding up a jug of nondescript (for the sake of spoilers) liquid. Her team held up their jugs too. “See?”

The cybergoth was unimpressed and sighed appropriately. “Okay, but we’re seriously behind because of you. I’ll explain this to the boss, then it’s up to her. She’s unforgiving though, Sammy.”

As Samantha’s team emptied their jugs into the barrel, she sucked air through her teeth. “Please don’t let her punish me!”

“No promises.” Natalie then radioed the gallery to continue the show while the stage hands returned the missing barrel.


Tiffany was beginning to look very impatient. “When are we going to get on with the next part?”

“Uh, Tiff?” Amanda blinked, worriedly.

“I mean, it feels like nine goddamn months since the last mess! What’s happening back there anyway?”

“Tiff, we’re rolling…”


Amanda nodded. “It’s time for the penultimate mess, but first, the penultimate celebrity guest!”

On cue, Ms. Y entered. Like the last two guests, this one was known by a mononym, but these days she had started using her surname as well. Her hair was longer and brown. Incredibly, she still looked as youthful as she had in her heyday.


“Oh hey, I remember you! You were Yiolanda from that Mad For It show!” Tiffany said, rather excitedly.

“That’s right! It’s Yiolanda Koppel, TV presenter and model. You’ve been gunged before, haven’t you, Yolly?”

Yiolanda kicked off her shoes and sat down on the guest seat. “Yeah, but that was years ago!”

“It won’t have been years ago very soon. First though, since we’re behind schedule, Tiffany!” Amanda smirked, loading the tipper. She yanked the lever down, sending the contents of one of the barrels down on her friend. It was a runny, opaque liquid, a vivid yellow colour, and with a very strong smell. “Bit of a rule-bending for this one, but you try finding something that’s messy, begins with Y and isn’t yogurt!”

Tiffany cringed as the ooze slopped down on her already incredibly messy head. “Ugh, what is this? Egg Yolks?” She shut her eyes tightly and grabbed her seat. Even compared to the other messes, this was foul, in her opinion anyway. She ran her toes through the muck piled at her feet, squirming a little but getting her feet out of the way of the Yolk. Thankfully, the goo ran out of the barrel quickly, leaving a yellow coating on top of the rest of the assorted muck.

As Yiolanda watched Tiffany’s messing, she suddenly felt rather relieved that she was only going to get one mess. She couldn’t even tell what was in the gunk anymore, nor was she entirely sure what Tiffany once looked like. She gave a brave closed-mouth smile and shut her eyes, leaning back very slightly as Amanda dumped the second load of Yolk down on her. It rained down upon her, sticking to her hair and turning it a shiny shade of yellow. She pulled her top up as the Yolk ran down it, tickling as it trickled down. It stained her top and her jeans, with a few drops dripping off her toes. As with Tiffany’s Yolking, it was over before it really started, but the end result was one very yellow, Yolk-covered Yiolanda. She opened her eyes and saw the gooey yellow streaks all over her body and couldn’t help laughing a little. “Well, this has been an experience I’ll not forget! Thanks!”

“Don’t forget to go see Troy backstage about getting your photo!” Amanda added as Yiolanda stood up.

“Oh hey, you got his name right this time!”

“Shut up, Tiff.”

As instructed, Yiolanda left the stage and headed to the photo room, a rather panic-stricken Natalie handing her a Perspex jug full of egg Yolk as she passed. Yiolanda held it up to her face and smiled as Troy snapped the photo. “Finally, this nightmare might nearly be over…” the blue-haired techie smiled.

Poor Natalie can’t get the staff! Anyway, big thanks to everyone who’s voted in the part Z poll so far. There’s one runaway winner at the moment, and one person who’s got a measly three votes. I see there’s also a lot of new stories out, which I really need to catch up on…

Still a few more days for voting in the Part Z poll.

Posted in A to Z, Feet, Food (fights), Stories | Tagged , , , , | 9 Comments

Tank Talk Episode 2: Charli XCX

 As always, the events in this story are purely fictional, any representations of the people in this story should not be taken as reality. This story is had been written purely for entertainment purposes. 

TT LOGO“Hello! I’m Alice Levine and welcome back to Tank Talk, the only Youtube exclusive show where I get to interview celebrities before gunging them right here in this tank!” Alice was stood to the right side of the blue-framed gunge tank that was today filled up with two colours of thick gunge, pink on the bottom and orange on the top. al4Alice was today dressed in a light blue patterned blouse with a red knee length skirt. Her red hair was tied into a loose bun, her preferred style. The set was the same as the previous episode; a small round stage with a yellow, blue and white colour scheme with the blue gunge tank in the middle and a plastic stool to the right of it where Alice would sit.

“Today’s guest is a singer and songwriter from Britain who has collaborated with Iggy Azaelia on the hit song ‘Fancy’, dueted with Rita Ora for the song ‘Doing It’ and boasts a collection of hits including songs such as ‘Boom Clap. Please welcome to the show, Charli XCX!” Alice gestured to her left and the camera panned over to the archway at the back of the set on the left where the British singer was stood. Charli looked slightly nervous as she walked forward onto the stage and towards Alice. The outfit she was wearing suggested different; Charli had gone for an all in one black leather catsuit. It had a large ‘V’ down the front stretching down to her stomach, revealing a large amount of c1cleavage. The revealing outfit and lack of a bra certainly wasn’t the most practical outfit to withstand a barrage of gunge from above, but the figure-hugging nature of the catsuit would certainly provide some protection. It also served to accentuate her curves, fitting tight to her hips and legs. On her feet were a pair of silver high heels that matched the silver trim of the catsuit. Charli’s straight black hair matched the catsuit and hung just off her shoulders. She greeted Alice with a hug before being led into the gunge tank. She sat on the stool and adjusted her hair and outfit, looking upwards only to be greeted with the sight of the large nozzle that would be raining down slime onto her in just a few minutes.

“So Charli, welcome to the show! How are you feeling?” asked Alice as she took her place beside the tank.

“Bit nervous to be honest,” replied Charli, still looking around at her new surroundings. “My nerves are worse now I’m locked in here!”

“Well, there’s no need to be nervous Charli, it’s just an interview with a little extra at the end,” replied Alice, trying to reassure her. “And remember, it’s all for charity!”

“It’s the extra at the end I’m dreading!” replied Charli with a pout. “I love this outfit, you will go easy on it, won’t you?” Charli already knew the answer to that question really.

“Well, judging by all that pink and orange gunge suspended up there, I’m guessing that you’ll need a fair few showers after this and your gorgeous outfit may need a few washes too!” replied Alice. Charli sighed, there was nothing she could do about it now. She took a look down at her outfit to observe one last time how it looked. In a few minutes, it would be looking slightly a different colour and a bit messy, to put it lightly.

As usual, Alice proceeded to interview Charli for several minutes, asking her about her about everything, including her collaborations with other artists.

“Your song ‘Doing It’ with Rita Ora was a hit in the charts earlier this year, what was it like working with her?” asked Alice.

“Well, Rita was a lot of fun to work with, it was an honour working with her.” replied Charli.

“Well, Rita is scheduled to appear on Tank Talk in a few weeks, so after this you can call her and tell her what to expect!” informed Alice.

“Really? I’ll have to tell her how horrible it is to make her dread coming on the show,” replied Charli with a laugh. “Please put something really thick and gooey in the tank for c2her that day, I’ll make sure I catch the episode.”

“Don’t worry Charli, we’ll make sure Rita doesn’t get off lightly,” replied Alice.

The interview continued, shifting focus to Charli’s busy touring schedule. “So, do you have any shows lined up in the UK for the near future?” asked Alice.

“Funny enough, I have a show tonight down the road in London!” replied Charli with a smile. “I think I’ll have to clean up before I head on over for sound checks though.”

“I’m sure the fans will love your new look, Pink and Orange would suit you!” joked Alice. Charli nervously laughed again. The interview continued for a few minutes more before the moment Charli had been dreading finally arrived.

“Well Charli, it looks like I’ve run out of questions to ask! I think you know what that means,” teased Alice, raising her hand towards the large metal chain hanging from the side of the tank, grabbing hold of the yellow handle. Charli sighed and put her head in her hands for a few moments. “Any last words before the gunging Charli?”

“I hope all my fans out there enjoy this, subscribe to Tank Talk and good luck Rita, you’re gonna hate this in a few weeks!” said Charli into the camera. She then smiled nervously and leaned her head down in anticipation of the gunge.

“Ready?” asked Alice with a smile; she loved this part. Charli put her thumb up whilst remaining looking downwards. Alice pulled the chain downwards, causing a click from above Charli’s head…

Several streams of pink gunge fell down onto Charli’s head, immediately attacking her black hair. She screamed as the first streams of gunge hit, but remained looking down. The pink gunge streamed down her hair and onto her covered shoulders. Several streams went down her back, covering the leather catsuit. Charli moved her head slightly upwards, instantly causing some gunge to stream down her face. She opened her mouth in shock, uttering a high pitched scream.

“It’s so cold!” she called out as the gunge continued to pour down her hair and face. Alice sat at the side, well out of the way, laughing. The gunge poured off her chin and down the front of her outfit and bare skin. Pink gunge streamed down her cleavage and exposed skin, causing a cold shiver to make its way through her body, followed by another scream. By now, the pink gunge had covered most of her hair, saturating it with a layer of pink, nearly completely hiding her original hair colour. Gunge pooled in her lap as it poured from above, with some overflowing this puddle and streaming down her legs and over her feet. Charli remained frozen in shock, still screaming every few seconds at the coldness of the gunge.

Suddenly the streams of pink gunge slowed to a halt, instantly replaced by one large deluge of orange gunge from above. The bright orange gunge washed over Charli who remained still. Her hair received another covering and some gunge had even started to make its way inside the catsuit, causing her to squirm a bit. The orange mixed with the pink gunge to form a bright peach colour. The catsuit had taken an absolute covering and was now hugging the British singer’s figure even tighter. The stream continued for about thirty more seconds at the same intensity as Charli remained frozen in shock. Her mouth would open every few seconds, half to take a breath and half out of shock because of what was happening. The cascading gunge eventually slowed to a slight stream and then just a few drips on top of Charli’s head. Finally she moved her arms to wipe her eyes free from gunge and run a hand down the side of her hair, leaving finger trails among the peach coloured goo.

“Oh my god!” laughed Charli. “This is disgusting!” She looked down at her ruined outfit and parted her legs, releasing the puddle of gunge that had formed in her lap onto the already gunge covered floor. From her feet up to her head, there wasn’t much of the singer that wasn’t covered in gunge. She was still squirming at the sensation of the freezing slop against her skin inside the catsuit.

“That was fantastic Charli, thanks so much for taking part. You get £500 for the chosen charity of your choice for being such a good sport.” said Alice, getting up from her stool and edging back from the gunge tank to avoid getting splashed with any flying gunge from Charli. The singer couldn’t muster any more words, so she just opened her mouth again in shock and gave a thumbs up gesture to Alice.

“Well, that’s about it for today’s show, don’t forget to subscribe to catch more of Tank Talk, exclusively on Youtube! Look out for next week’s episode and don’t forget, Charli’s friend Rita Ora is appearing on the show in a few weeks time. You won’t want to miss it. Until then, goodbye and see you next time on Tank Talk!” Alice wrapped up the show with a wave as the camera zoomed back over to Charli sat in the tank, still contemplating what had just occurred. She was due on stage in London in matter of hours, so she would have to get cleaned up quickly, which at this moment seemed to be quite a difficult task judging by all the slop currently covering her. She pouted and feigned being upset to the camera as it panned across the studio to end the show.

Posted in Gunge, Stories | 4 Comments

The Wrath of the Gods – Imogen’s Penance

“This is so not on”, Tessa paced in circles around Fairfax. “You can’t seriously expect me to get covered in anything yucky! And with all my friends watching on TV too! Don’t you see how humiliating that would be?”

Fairfax sighed. “Miss Montague-Fawkes, I advise that you take this opportunity to be pardoned. It’s a much more attractive option than imprisonment.”

“But you don’t understand”, Tessa griped. “That bitch Chung has it in for me. She’s conspiring with those cretinous priests to cook up something really horrid for me!”

“Now that’s quite enough!” Fairfax’s moustache waggled as he grew animated. “Let me tell you, Ann has moved Heaven and Earth to spare you and your friends from jail time. Without her links to this religious community you’d have no chance! I will not stand for your bad-mouthing her, you hear?”

Not used to being scolded, Tessa folded her arms in a sulk. “Daddy would never let something so beastly happen to me. He’d tell those priests what’s what. Why isn’t he here? Where is he?” She began to bawl. “I WANT MY DADDY!!”

“I telephoned Monty yesterday evening”, Fairfax revealed. “And I have to say, he’s rather cross over this whole affair. It’s causing him a lot of embarrassment as a politician.”

“Well if he is cross, it’s with these nasty foreigners, certainly not with me!”, Tessa stamped her foot. “Look, you’ve got to find a way to get me off with this. You simply must!”

“There’s nothing more I can do”, reiterated Fairfax, walking away.

“Please!”, wailed Tessa. “I’ll have Daddy promote you to Ambassador! Pleeeeassse!”

“Dry yer eyes lass. It’s only a wee bit of mess”, said Imogen, trying to reassure herself as much as Tessa.

“Laura didn’t take it so badly”, added Sarah, similarly unconvinced by her own words.

Laura, at this moment in time, had decided to step out from under the temple’s stone canopy to clean off in the rain. The downpour soon rinsed off the excess of the cream, leaving her robe saturated, see-through and clinging to her dark curves, with her white underwear barely protecting her modesty. She turned her face to the elements and it was soon clear and clean. Her braided hair, however, remained in a cream-streaked, dishevelled state; it would be an arduous task to restore those braids to their former glory. But Laura was in good spirits, and smiled to herself as she stepped back into the shelter.

Maria, watching from the press enclosure, saw her chance. Grabbing a hand-held camera, she ducked under the rope that hemmed the journalists in and jogged over to the bedraggled girl.

“Well hello dere Laura! I’m Maria Jaczinski from Nowhere News. What was it like to be pelted wit all dose pies?”

“It was kinda cool, I guess”, said Laura wryly. “I have to admire how well calibrated that machine was.” She paused and frowned. “But there was one projectile that defied my calculations.”

“De one dat should have hit her?” Maria pointed at Chung, who was striding purposefully through the temple.

Laura nodded.

“Who is she?”

“Her name’s Ann Chung”, replied Laura. “She’s Mr Fairfax’s assistant, from the consulate.”

As the pair watched, Chung disappeared through an archway into one of the inner sancta of the temple.

“Let’s follow her!” Maria thrust the camera into Laura’s hands. As the duo jogged over to the archway, Maria spoke into the shaky shot. “I’m hot on de heels of Ann Chung, de mysterious lady who defied a pie before our eyes!”

Beyond the archway lay a spiral staircase. Chung’s footsteps echoed up from below, and Maria and Laura apprehensively followed. They soon left the daylight behind, the staircase being illuminated by a series of flaming torches, which cast errie shadows over the greenish rock. After they had descended some considerable distance into the mountain, the pair arrived at a cavernous chamber.

Chung was a few feet away, fortunately with her back to the intruders. Maria hurriedly yanked Laura behind a boulder. The pair peeked out over the top, training the camera on the bizarre scene before them. At the centre of the cavern stood a statue, flanked on either side by a waterfall of bright green slime. Torchlight focussed onto a hexagonal floor marking at the foot of the statue. Removing her jacket and shoes, Chung knelt inside the hexagon, her small but sculpted posterior pointed towards the bemused onlookers.

“OMMMMMMMMM…. WWWAAAAMMMM…. PIIIIIEEEE…. GOOOOOOOOO!!”, Chung intoned, almost singing.

“I hope you’re getting dis on camera”, Maria whispered to Laura.


If the statue before Chung was indeed that of Wam-Pie-Goo, deity of this temple, then it had to be said he did not fit the classical ‘god’ archetype. He was a shortish figure, dressed in an ill-fitting suit. His round face bore a stubble beard and a slightly annoying expression, and was framed by a mulletesque mane. For some reason, Laura experienced a flashback to a Saturday night show from her early childhood in the 1990s.

“OMMMMMMMMMMM…. WWWWAAAAAAMMMMMM…. PIIIIIIIEEEEE…. GOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!”, Chung’s incantation echoed once more around the chamber. She stood up, put her shoes and jacket back on, then she strolled over to one of the waterfalls of slime. Without a break in her step, she positioned herself directly under the cascade.

“Is she crazy?”, whispered Laura. The shower of slime bore down on Chung’s head and shoulders, running down her expensive suit. But Chung didn’t seem in the slightest perturbed by this. Slowly twirling in the deluge, she wore a serene smile on her face as the slime gushed over it.

But the goo did nothing to flatten Chung’s quiffy hairstyle. Her pinstripe suit remained light grey. Watching in astonishment, Laura and Maria realised that the slime didn’t actually touch Chung. When it reached within half an inch of her, it diverted and flowed tangent to her figure. It was as if she had an invisible casing around her body and clothing.

“That’s some repellency”, murmured Laura.

Chung stepped out of the waterfall, clean, dry and contented. With a parting bow to Wam-Pie-Goo, she exited the chamber. Once her footsteps had receded to a safe distance up the staircase, Maria stepped out from the boulder to address the camera.

“Well what can I say folks? What an extraordinary scene! A miracle before our very eyes!” she enthused. “And you’re watching it exclusively wit me, Maria Jaczinski!”

“There must be a rational explanation”, argued Laura. “It’s a conjuring trick, nothing more.”

“Only one way to find out”, Maria approached the hexagon.

“You’re not going to…?”

“Why not?”, said Maria. “Just make sure you get it all recorded, hey?”

Maria knelt in the hexagon. “Umm, Wan Pie Goo”, she uttered, slightly self-conciously.

“I think it’s Wam”, Laura corrected her. “With an ‘m'”.

“Oh, ok. Ummm, Wam Pie Goo.” Maria stood up and smiled awkwardly to the camera. Gingerly, she extended a hand into the verdant cascade.

The experiment didn’t last long. Maria’s hand recoiled, dripping with the snotty green slime. “Yuck!”, she remarked, feeling a bit daft. “I guess I don’t have de magic touch.”

“Chung did it three times”, Laura pointed out. “Do it a couple more and then see what happens.”

Maria duly returned to the hexagon. “Ummmmmmm, Waaammmm Piiieeee Goooooo!” She was getting into it now. “OMMMMMMMMM…. WWWAAAAMMMM…. PIIIIIEEEE…. GOOOOOOOOO!!”

Maria wrinkled her face as she returned her hand to the waterfall, bracing for the cold sliminess between her fingers. To her pleasant surprise, she felt nothing. She turned her hand over in the downpour. Still nothing. Maria retracted her trembling hand and beheld its cleanliness. “It works!”, she gasped. “Fuck me, IT WORKS!”

Giddy with excitement, Maria faced the cascade of bright green goo. She spread her arms to welcome it. Her instincts screamed at her not to do it, but her ambitions knew a great news shot when they saw one. She stepped forward.

Maria jolted as the slime flowed in front of her eyes, shrouding her in a curtain of green. For a moment she thought that her daredevilry had backfired, but no… no bracing coldness, no heavy wetness, no sensation of sloppiness on her skin. All she felt was a cool draught of air as the slime glided benignly by. She raised a hand to her hair and found it soft and dry. She looked down and found her shirt and jeans good as new.

“WAA-HOOO!!”, she yelled. She raised her hands in celebration, posing for the camera. She jumped out of the casacade. “Look! Completely clean! Now how did I do dat?”

She hopped back under the shower, performing a victory dance. The slime splashed everywhere, some of it onto Laura as she filmed the spectacle in amazement, but none sullied Maria. “Oh yes! Oh yes! I’ve hit de jackpot!”, Maria bounced about in the torrent. “Global news media, here I come!!”

“Did you enjoy Laura’s penance?”, Chung enquired, rejoining the girls outside. “I get the feeling the rest will be even more enjoyable. Especially yours, Tessa.”

“Get stuffed!”, growled Tessa. “You’re not going to get away with this. When my daddy gets here you’ll be sorry!”

“We’ll see”, smirked Chung. She led the trio back to the square, where the priests were waiting on their thrones. The head priest squinted at his sheet of paper. “Im-O-gen Fra-ser”, he read.

Although the cleric had incorrectly stressed on the ‘o’ in her name, Imogen knew her number was up. “Ah’m doomed!” The student pulled up the baggy robe from around her feet and stepped forward to learn her fate, her fiery red locks billowing in the breeze, her Celtic pallor a little starker than usual.

As before, the priest passed sentence in the local language, and Chung followed up with the translation. “Imogen, you have shown yourself to be a tempestuous young imp; you must be cleansed in the Car-Wash of Contrition!”

Car-wash? Ye what?” Imogen was about to find out. Chung grabbed her arm and led her through the avenues of the temple, while Sarah and Tessa stood by with a mixture of relief and apprehension.

“Where’s Maria gone?”, asked the cameraman. The sound guy shrugged.

“Take a seat”, Chung gestured to a vehicle. To call the thing a car was a breach of trades descriptions; it consisted of a rudimentary stone chair with a small foot-rest and a minimal back support, mounted into a groove in the temple floor. Even Imogen’s dainty derrière struggled to fit on the meagre seat. She fidgeted in a futile bid for comfort, but knew that the seating arrangement would soon be the least of her woes.

Chung secured Imogen’s torso and legs with a set of straps. “Let’s go for a full wax”, she smirked, unhooking a rope. A great counterweight began to descend from the ceiling of the temple, turning a series of pulleys and gears, which ultimately translated into forward motion of Imogen’s chair in the groove.

“Though this be madness, yet there is method in it”, Imogen mused as she perused the route planned out for her. The groove snaked through various archways and overhangs, intertwined with ornate pipes and nozzles. Rotary brushes, fashioned from strips of cloth, whirred into life.

Without warning, jets of water blasted from pillars located on all sides of the car. The onslaught was fiercer than that Imogen had experienced locked out in the rain the day before, and colder too. She screamed as the surging water battered her scarlet locks and not so much stuck her robes to her body as pinned them. Within seconds, the whole watching world knew that fine red lace was Imogen’s undergarment of choice.

The car moved clear of the water jets, carrying a thoroughly drenched Imogen with it. Chilled but too shocked to shiver, she peeled her bedraggled hair away from her face. There was to be little respite; ahead of her two ornate statues started to belch thick, white foam. By the time Imogen’s car arrived, a hefty mound had accumulated across the track, which she ploughed straight into. Further foam piled on from above, smothering the slender Scot in a sea of soap.

The resultant mountain of creamy white foam continued its journey along the track, the passenger buried somewhere inside it. A pass through the pair of spinning brushes cut the blob down to size, like a bartender scraping the head from a beer, leaving something that looked vaguely woman-shaped, though still with an all-over fluffy white coating.

The chair halted under a large drum, though in her foamy state Imogen was unaware of this looming receptacle. The end?, she contemplated. Or just the beginning?

Her answer came in the form of a screaming klaxon, powered by air rushing through a complex arrangement of tubes and valves. Seconds later, a stream of bright blue natrosol gunge descended square onto Imogen’s head. Amidst the foam, the girl’s mouth could be seen to open in shock, before being obscured by an umbrella of rebounding gunge. Side-streams of orange joined the blue, striking Imogen on her shoulders and back. Struggling against the restraining straps, she attempted to wipe her face of the foam and gunge, but the falling slop overwhelmed her efforts. It flowed down her petite frame, sliding over the subtle dunes that were her breasts, and pooled in the robes between her legs, weighing them down. Blue and orange were joined with streaks of yellow and purple, and the faintest hint of green. The colourful gunk mixed with the foam in mesmerising marble patterns – aesthetics Imogen would have appreciated had she had a better view.

With a click the car resumed its forward motion, a slight mistiming in the machinery meaning that the waning remainder of the gunge splattered wastefully on the stone floor. But Imogen hardly wanted for coverage. As she progressed on the final leg of her journey, she slumped forward as far as the straps would allow, her head slowly shaking under the mass of foam and gunge. As a fan blasted off the excess foam, the car shuddered to a final stop.

As with Laura, the priests pronounced Imogen pardoned, and Chung stepped forward to release her from the seat. “You are free from custody”, Chung affirmed. “But that doesn’t give you free rein to misbehav…”

Chung paused and frowned. She looked down at her feet, which stood inch-deep in the spreading puddle of slime and froth. She raised a foot and shook it, confirming to herself that the sogginess had infiltrated her shoe and dampened her tights. The look of discomfort on Chung’s face grew into wider consternation. Without a further word she abandoned Imogen and hurried over to the archway she had entered earlier.

“Hey, where’d ye go?”, Imogen called, still blinking away foam. “Ye cannae leave me here! Come back!!”

“Hey hey! Look at dis!!” Never afraid to pander to the lad demographic, Maria undid two buttons on her shirt, revealing her fabulous defined cleavage ensconced in a black Wonderbra. She pulled forward her shirt and stood under the slime such that the deluge surged into the impromptu opening. The green goo lapped within a centimetre against Maria’s breasts, the accompanying air currents causing them to wobble rhymically. The void between her chest and her shirt filled up and began to overflow, but neither Maria’s person nor her clothing imbibed the gunge.

“Dis is so much fun!”, Maria grinned, posing provocatively. “You’ve got to give it a go!”

“Me? Oh, I’m not sure about that”, Laura replied, casting a disdainful glance at the hexagonal floor marking. The entire situation made her very uncomfortable. Laura was a cold-blooded rationalist. She poo-pooed the paranormal, scoffed at spoon-benders. Yet the scene before her threatened to unravel her reductionist worldview.

Maria sensed Laura’s unease. “If you tink it’s a trick den dere’s only one way to find out how it’s done”, she challenged.

Grudgingly, Laura knelt in the hexagon, and recited two “Omm Wam-Pie-Goo”s. She hesitated ahead of the third, fearing what might confront her sceptical sensibilities.

“Go ahead. Don’t be afraid.” Maria urged, the slime continuing to gush into her opened shirt.

Laura went for it. “Ommm… Wammm-Piiie-Gooooo!!”

“ARRRRGHHH!!”, Maria screeched as the green, mucus-like slime sloshed cold and gooey against her firm breasts. Within an instant, her bra became saturated, and her pink cotton shirt turned a nasty dark green. The slop flowed over Maria’s torso and navel, its chilly embrace making her writhe.

Instinctively, Maria jerked forward in an attempt to shield her chest from the deluge. This caused a wave of slime to wash first over her face and then bear down on her soft, blonde hair. She groaned in disgust as the gunk defiled her locks and extra-thick lumps crawled down her back.

Her vision obscured, Maria tried to escape the downpour, but in her haste slipped over and landed on her backside in the pool. The deluge continued to splatter mercilessly over her as she floundered on the floor.

Laura, meanwhile, was adapting to changed circumstances of her own. “I’m dry”, she whistled, pinching at the fabric of her robes, now crisp and opaque. “I’m dry and clean.” She examined her braids, which bore no evidence of the ordeal they had been put through. No cream, no frosting, no rainwater. “Hey Maria, I’m clean!”, Laura shouted. “I’M CLEAN!!” She turned round. “Bloody hell, what happened to you?”

Maria only scowled as she slithered clear of the slime shower, her face screwed at the sensation of her saturated jeans clinging to her thighs.

Laura looked back down at her freshly laundered self. “I guess it only works for one person at a…” She froze.

Maria followed Laura’s stare. In the cavern doorway stood Chung, her expression black enough to rival her hair.

Maria smiled sheepishly and struggled to her feet. She slicked her green, slop-soaked hair behind her ears and extended a dripping hand. “Maria Jaczinski, Nowhere News. May I trouble you for an interview, Miss Chung?”



Posted in Foam/soap, Gunge, Stories, Water | 3 Comments

Paradise by the Fairground Light: Chapters 11 – 13:

Welcome to chapters 11 to 13 of my Paradise by the Fairground Light series. Just as a warning there are a few small spoilers relating to what happens in the first 10 chapters, in the story and the rest of this intro, so you may want to start at chapter 1 if you haven’t already.
This is rather a short section, only being 3 chapters long. Plot wise it sees the start of the adventure around Europe, heading into Italy. I’ll go into that in more detail in my next intro, because I want to talk about the wet scene here.
As I was planning this I realised I wanted a short wam light scene in the narrative here to break up the two major ones that I did last part, and the next part. I came up with an idea that goes some way to proving truth can be stranger than fiction. The place where things take place; Movie Park, Italy, is a real place I’ve been to, and all the rides I mention are there. It was while thinking about here I remembered about a really mad, and very wet ride at the park. I quickly realised I could make a short water based scene just by describing the ride as I remember it, only replacing myself and the other riders with Mathew and the Wild Cats. My only concern was this meant two water based scenes early on in the story, but as this is intended as a short fun scene, I don’t think this is too big a problem.

Chapter 11:

I raise 20.
I raise to 200.
I fold.
Oh Why do you do that?

Thats a brief extract from life on the road. Now lots of people may picture travelling around Europe with 3 beautiful girls, and imagine days of glamour and adventure. Im sorry to bring you down to earth but the reality might not be as idealistic as you imagine. The first few days were very much about work, most of the time being spent on the roads of France and Switzerland. We could at least spare a couple of hours for lunch everyday in whatever town we drove in to. Evenings were spent at a campsite over a gas stove meal.
One big difference to my everyday life was the limited access to electricity. It was a big change from what I was used to, where I had my laptop and DVD collection to keep me entertained in the evenings. It was amazing though how quickly I adapted, and didnt really miss any of those things. We spent much of the time talking, joking and playing various games that were kept in the van, that the Wild Cats obviously had played a lot. I had remarked on the fact they were the first people Id ever met to own an official scrabble dictionary.
Lilly insisted said Kelly.
Well there was no way Im repeating the debacle of sheeps-gate again replied Lilly.
You mean sheep-gate I said.
No sheeps-gate said Lilly. It was one of the most embarrassing moments Ive ever had.
It wasnt that bad said Hayley.
Wasnt that bad said Lilly. I had to explain to that librarian that you two were making that commotion because wed turned off the motorway, just to find a dictionary over an argument over whether or not sheeps is a word.
I still dont see why its not said Hayley. You have ewes, rams and lambs, why not sheeps.
I told you said Kelly. Sheep is both the plural and singular word, you dont need to add an S on the end.

By far the most played game though was Texas holdem poker. A game Id had almost no first hand experience of playing before. Id always assumed it to be a mostly luck based game, but was quickly discovering there was a lot more to it, in terms of understanding your own hands odds, and the betting between players. Luckily we werent playing for money, or Id have to have done the sensible thing and sit out all the games. Instead when someone got low on chips they could either buy them off another player in return for a favour, or in return for doing various odd jobs like cleaning the outside of the van or cooking dinner.
Id picked up the basic rules quickly enough, and a few days in was starting to recognise what betting strategies the other Wild Cats used. Lilly tended to underplay her hands, letting other people take the lead in the betting until near the end of the hand, where she would often catch others out once theyd already invested a fair amount of chips in the pot. Hayleys methods were perhaps the closest to the ones I adopted, betting chips based on the strength of her own hand, but saving the large bets for the last round of betting. The Wild Cat I had the most trouble playing against though was Kelly, she played very aggressively, putting out big bets as soon as she had something that looked strong. For instance Id been dealt two kings, a very strong opening hand, Hayley had put out an opening bet of 20, that I had matched. Kelly had now responded by raising things up to 200, which was a lot considering I only had 260 worth of chips left.
Oh Why do you do that? I asked.
What asked Kelly.
Bet so much before the flops even been dealt I said. For all we know our hands will be worth nothing on the flop, yet wed have bet a huge amount on it.
Hey if you dont have fire power to back up your bet just fold said Kelly.
I took a second to double check my cards. I realised my heart was beating a little quicker in anticipation of my decision.
All in I said, pushing my whole stack in.
I call said Kelly, adding an equal number of chips from her much larger stack.
We both turned over her cards. I was gratified to see a little trepidation come across Kellys face when she saw my pair of kings, which was ahead of her hand of queen, nine. A large smile came across my face as Hayley dealt the first flop card, and it was a third king, making my three kings almost unbeatable. The next card was a seven, then to my concern the next card was a 10. That meant I had 3 kings, but Kelly had 4 of the cards needed for a 9 through king strait, if a jack came up her hand would beat mine. The fourth card to be dealt was a 5, which didnt affect either of us, then to my horror the fifth card dealt was a jack.
NOOOO I exclaimed, cursing my bad luck.
Kelly gave a smug smile as she gather all the chips, bringing her number up to around 1500.
Do you want to buy back in? asked Hayley.
I might just sit up front with Lilly for a bit I said.
Oh go on said Hayley. Ill make you a good offer for a thousands worth of chips.
Like what? I asked.
Well seeing as Lilly won a romantic meal out from Kelly earlier, how about you treat me to a romantic night of pampering when we have the place to ourselves she said.
What would that entail? I smiled.
I reckon scented candles, wine and chocolate said Hayley, and maybe some massage oils for us to use on each other.
Loosing wasnt always a total disaster in these games of poker.
Are you all right up there? Kelly called out to Lilly who was currently driving.
Im alright said Lilly. This spectacular Swiss mountain scenery makes a nice change from the usual trudging along motorways.
I had been struck by the beautiful scenery myself, taking the chance to view it whenever I wasnt otherwise distracted.
It must be my turn to drive soon said Kelly.
We can take a break, and swap over at the next town suggested Lilly. Hopefully if we keep driving well put a decent amount of miles behind us today.
Yeah, it would be nice to have a few extra hours for lunch in Milan tomorrow said Kelly.

Chapter 12:

With apologies to the people of Milan, and the other places we stopped at Im going to skip to the end of our journey, at the Plaza Bra (yeah thats the real name, you can Google it) in the centre of Verona. I found myself looking around in amazed disbelief. We were located on a cobblestoned plaza, surrounded by historic looking buildings, including one side that had a long line of bars and restaurants. There was a small tree filled park in one corner and iron lampposts lining the edges. The main feature though was a large structure called the Arena that was an ancient Roman coliseum, like Id seen in many films and history books. As we checked in with the carnival organisers and drove into our dedicated plot of land I could see quite a few other rides and attractions were present. At the largest clearing I could see the base of a large tower like structure being set up, there was a fun house, ghost train and several more compact thrill rides, family rides and a small kiddie coaster, as well as several food vans, games and a couple of other travelling side shows and exhibits.
Is this really it? I asked.
It sure is smiled Hayley. Its one of the more impressive locations we operate from.
Its amazing I said, but how does the whole carnival fit in, theres not room for everyone surely?
For this event they split into 2 parts explained Kelly. Theres the larger area at the edge of the city centre where the main carnival takes place, but theres also this smaller range of attractions set up in this great location.
Dont spend too long enjoying the view just yet said Lilly. We want to get everything built up today, so we at least have tomorrow off before things start on Friday.

If you had any misconceptions about women being no good at mechanical or practical things they would soon be put right if you saw the Wild Cats at work when setting up the tent. With the van parked in place Lilly and Kelly climbed up on the roof, and started to pass all the various items down to me and Hayley, instructing me where everything went. With everything down we were soon setting up the frame for the giant tent, and putting the canvas up on it. With all that done we were soon setting up the stage structures, the ticket booth, the generator, all the shows lighting, the seating, the costumes and various other bits. It took a bit of time, but eventually we had everything set up. After that we grabbed a meal at one of the restaurants along the edge of Plaza Bra, before heading back to the tent. Not that I wasnt keen to explore a little more of Verona, but after 3 days on the road, and a tiring set up we were all more keen for an early night. I knew Id have several chances to explore more over the next week and a half.

The next day I joined the Wild Cats on what for them was very much a busmans holiday, as we got a train from Verona to Lake Garda to visit one of the local theme parks. This wasnt a major surprise as I knew all threes interest in the subject went further than just their chosen profession. Kelly had told me to enjoy the theme parks why I could, because in a few weeks Lilly would be driving everyone mad wanting to visit all the zoos in the cities we were visiting.
What really surprised me though was the choice of park. When we arrived at the train station there were advertisements everywhere for a park called Gardaland, and as we headed to the bus stops about 100 people were crowding around where the Gardaland shuttle bus picked up from. We though were at another bus stop with 6 other people where there was a sign for another park called Movie Land.
So whys everyone going to Gardaland? I asked, and why arent we going there?
Well Gardaland is the more heavily advertised and commercial park said Kelly.
The rides are good, but not enough to justify putting up with the cost, and the crowds there will be today. said Lilly.
Nor the fact they seemed determined to rinse you for every cent youve got said Kelly.
Its true said Hayley. Last time the had booths set up at the entrance of the queues were you can join the 1 hour queue, or pay 3 Euros to join a 15 minute queue.
Movie Land is a lot more fun said Lilly. Theres a lot of bizarre unique rides that you wont get anywhere else. Thats why we almost always do it at some point on the trip.
Always the day before the Verona Carnival? I asked.
Sometime we do another park on the trip over, and do this after the carnival, but unless 2 other parks both have major new rides we cant wait to do, well end up doing Movie Land at some point. said Hayley.

Well after that build up I had high expectations of Movie Land, and Im glad to say it delivered as the most off the wall theme park Ive been to. Most of it was themed as a giant movie studio, with rides based around various film genres, and recreations of famous movie cars like Nightrider, the General Lee, or the Back to the Future Delorean. It hosted some amazingly good magic and stunt shows that were far better than anything than anything I ever expected. Other hi-lights included a Terminator themed cinema where you shot robots with laser guns, a ride where you drove around a track and into lakes at speed on the back of a truck, another where you drove around the stunt arena on a speed boat, a huge haunted house with people dressed as horror film icons in the basement of one of the buildings, a really unusual design for a drop ride, and another thrill ride covered in shag pile carpet. I could see why the Wild Cats loved the place, it wasnt the most sophisticated park Ive ever been to, but it was definitely one of the most fun.

Chapter 13:

One of the most memorable moments of the day at Movie Land came after lunch. I was being led by Hayley and the other 2 into a large warehouse like building. Outside their was a large model of a World War 2 fighter plane and a large sign saying the name U571. Now I was a little suspicious something was up when I noticed Kelly and Lilly whispering something to one another and giggling, I also noticed we were the only 4 people in the waiting area not wearing a disposable poncho.
As the door at the end of the waiting area opened I felt Hayley hold on to my arm as everyone walked into the large hall. My eyes took a second to adjust to the darkness, but I soon saw we were standing on a walkway around the edge of a large indoor pool, in the middle of which I could see a recreation of a World War 2 submarine. On top of which was standing a ride attendant in appropriate costume. He shouted out several things in Italian, before a large siren blared out, and the main lights dimmed and were replaced by a load of red flashing lights. Suddenly 12 foot blasts of water exploded randomly from different parts of the pool, ensuring all us onlookers were heavily splashed with water.
At this point some more instructions were given out and everyone walked further around the edge of the pool, while the sirens and water splashes continued. At the end of the path there was a bridge leading on to the submarine itself. Once on that everyone had to slowly descend a set of steps in single file. Once there we walked along a long narrow pathway through the offices and living areas of the submarine until we reached the front where the main control consol and torpedo storage area was. While the rides operator sat on a seat at the consol everyone else had to sit on one of the long metal tunes representing torpedoes on either side of the hall. I ended up sitting with Hayley who put her arms around me, facing Lilly and Kelly sat on the opposite tube.
With everyone sat down the lights dimmed, and a sound track played of a submarine sonar and instructions over the radio. I found myself holding onto one of the handles provided as the whole room started to slowly tilt first left and right. As the sound effects got more exciting the room tilted back and forth at an even sharper angle, until there was a huge explosion sound. I felt a huge blast of air blow under my feet, as the lights turned red, and water started to slowly trickle down from the ceiling onto all of us. I felt Hayley holding tightly on to me laughing as we both braced ourselves as we tilted forward. Then the trickle of water became a torrent, as if we were being sprayed by a garden hose pipe, as the room tilted back the other way, even further back than before, until neither me or Hayley could stay on the tube. In anticipation of this a large cargo net was just behind the torpedoes, that caught me and Hayley as we both fell back into a heap together, now helplessly stuck in the net as water continued to soak us both through. After what seemed like ages the room tilted back the other way, this time me and Hayley held on, still be sprayed with water as Lilly and Kelly were tipped back into their net and received the same soaking we had.

It was a few minutes later and we were all just outside the exit, and I was feeling a little flustered. It probably had something to do with the fact I was surrounded by my girlfriend, and 2 other beautiful girls, looking incredibly sexy with their hair and cloths soaked through, and their skin glistening from the water. Lillys and Kellys linen tops had gone transparent, meaning everyone could see their bras outlined underneath. Hayleys top was made of a thicker material that now clung to her form tightly, and left no doubt about the fact she wasnt wearing a bra underneath.
So did you enjoy that? Hayley asked.
At this point Hayley threw her arms around me, and pressed her body firmly against mine. I felt her hard nipples rubbing against my chest through the thin wet layers of cloth, I was fully aware of how little their was between us, and found myself to flustered to answer Hayleys question.
Aww, look how youve made his face turn red smiled Kelly.
Quick, group hug suggested Lilly.
Before I could say anything I found myself encircled by all 3 of the Wild Cats. Entrapped in a tight embrace Hayley leaned in and placed a lingering passionate kiss on my lips. Caught up in the passion of the moment my hands found their way down to Hayleys hips, and taking a firm grip on it as her tongue enthusiastically penetrated into my mouth.
After the passionate embrace Kelly and Lilly broke contact with us, although held onto each others arms as Hayley kept her arms around my waste. My hand slowly stroked her hip as we lingered over eye contact, in what had been one of the greatest displays of public affection Id ever been involved in, outside of the on stage blood baths.
I took a second to glance around. Id already noticed a few envious looks from some of the other male visitors as Id made my way around the park with the Wild Cats. Now practically everyone who went past was looking our way as we embraced, still soaked to the skin, until we were finally able to pull ourselves apart.


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Stop the Skincare Madness!

So here’s a recent Avon advert, detailing all sorts of weird and wonderful skincare treatments, past and present. I’ll let it speak for itself.

Posted in Adverts, Food (fights) | Leave a comment