TNA MessFest Part 5B: Mickie and Madison

Warning: Adult Content ahead

Madison was in shock. “You’re not going to make me do this, are you?” she asked Jeremy. “I’m not a lesbian! I’m not licking pussy.”

“Madison, you signed a contract, and were already given the money. If you don’t finish this round there could very well be a lawsuit” Jeremy Borash warned.

“You’ll love it Madison, the taste of my sweet pussy, tits, and ass” Mickie said seductively as she started to cover her body in the whipped cream. She first covered both of her C cup breasts with one can, and made a line to connect them. Then, she wrapped the cream around her waist with a second. With the third can, she covered her groin slightly, enough so that she was slightly hidden, but not enough that Madison would only be licking whipped cream. Lastly, she glazed her ass with the cream, spraying a large amount in between her cheeks for Madison to lick out. She stood up and looked at a humiliated Madison. “Well, are you ready?”

Madison sighed. She knew that she had to do this. “Fine.” She started with Mickie’s breast, gently licking the cream off of her right one.

“How does it taste?” Mickie asked.

“It would taste better if you weren’t covered with cheese and beans” Madison said, spitting the whipped cream out of her mouth. Ready to finish the top of Mickie off, she was surprised when Mickie stopped her.

“Let’s try something a little different” she said. Mickie Grabbed Madison and pulled her face into her cleavage, making the other brunette motorboat her. After a few seconds, Madison pulled away, her face covered with the white stuff. “That’s not even the worst part you know. You still have the lower portion to go.”

Madison wanted to get this over with as quickly as possible. She got down on her knees as Mickie pulled her head in front of her crotch. “Start off nice and slowly” she ordered.

Hesitantly, Madison started to lick. She could feel her rival’s lips under the whipped cream she was licking off. Never in her life had she thought that something like this would happen to her, especially not in front of a live audience.

“Mmm, that feels good” Mickie moaned, watching Madison finish off. She started to rub herself, now pretty horny. “One last spot to go. Time to get your face in my ass.”

Madison was grabbed by the hair, her face driven into Mickie’s whipped cream covered ass cheeks. The southern Knockout laughed as Madison’s face was engulfed in her large ass, her hands flailing around. The brunettes face vanished into the whipped cream filled butt, her arms flailing. After about 15 seconds, Mickie let her go.

“That was disgusting!” Madison yelled out, wiping her face.

“You still have a little more to go” Mickie said, spreading her cheeks to show Madison her asshole. “Now give it a lick.”

“No! I would never lick your ass!” Madison yelled, going back to her seat. “Can we move on?” She wanted to get this round over with.

“Jeremy, she still has some whipped cream to get” Mickie reminded.

“Madison, you have to get all of the whipped cream that Mickie wants you to” Jeremy Borash conceded to a horrified Madison.

“Just one lick” Madison said, trying to bargain.

Mickie laughed. “You’ll be there until I’m satisfied.” With that, she grabbed Madison by the hair again and moved her face towards her bubble butt. “Ready?”

Madison closed her eyes and stuck her tongue out as Mickie moved her ass into her face. Madison could feel the whipped cream before her tongue hit then hole, and tried to get this done with as quickly as possible. She furiously licked to the moans of Mickie’s pleasure and the cheers and catcalls of the audience.

Once again, Mickie pushed Madison’s face deeper into her ass, and started to grind. After another thirty seconds, she put Madison out of her misery.

The skinnier brunette spit out all of the whipped cream and taste of Mickie, and wiped her face with her dress. She would never forget this moment.

“Very nice performance ladies” Borash said. “Let’s see what we have in store for you next.”

The wheel was spun again, and landed on slime. A bucket of blue slime of the same consistency used on Rosita was placed in between them.

“Madison, on what PPV did TNA revert back to the four sided ring?”

Thinking for a second, Madison was trying to remember the name. She knew it was in January 2010, but wasn’t sure of the name. “Final Resolution 2010?”

“That is incorrect. It was Genesis 2010.”

Mickie grabbed the bucket and looked Madison over. Realizing that the bottom part of Madison was pretty clean, she started to cover her dress and legs with the chunky blue slime.

Madison was now covered in green, blue, and white, her hair a mess.

“Ladies, we only have two more questions left, so answer wisely” Jeremy said as the wheel was spun to reveal the next item as spaghetti with sauce and meatballs.

“Mickie, Pacman Jones was once one half of the TNA tag team champions. What football team did he play for right before he joined TNA?”

“I know this one. The Tennessee Titans” Mickie said confidently.

“Once again, you are correct” Jeremy said as he handed the bucket to Mickie, who looked over Madison. She was almost completely trashed with disgusting mess, but Mickie saw one spot where she was clean.

“Bend over” Mickie ordered. Madison sighed, knowing what was coming. She got up off the stool and bent over.

“Other way, back to the crowd” Mickie said as she turned her rival around and spanked her lifted Madison’s dress up to expose a pair of black panties. She gave the brunette a few spanks before pulling her undergarments open and started to empty the bucket of sauce and noodles into Madison’s underwear.

Madison gasped at the temperature of the mixture of noodles and sauce hit her ass. She could feel it dripping into her crack and orifices, a feeling which was disgusting and embarrassing. She felt Mickie smush a meatball right into her backside, and was promptly spun around.

“Now for the front.” Mickie pulled Madison’s dress up and stretched her panties, filling them up with the red sauce and noodles. The dark juice dribbled down her leg, and she felt Mickie put her hand into her panties.

“You’re gonna love this!” she said enthusiastically, smearing noodles onto Madison’s pussy, as well as fingering her furiously. Madison couldn’t stop the pleasure rushing through her body and let out a loud moan, much to the cheer of the crowd. Her embarrassment had reached a fevered pitch.

It finally ended with Mickie dumping the rest of the sauce over her head and smushing two meatballs into her face. This night was becoming her worst nightmare, and there was still one question left.

“Another nice job Mickie. I have a question for you though; what if Madison gets the next question right and exacts payback on you?” Jeremy Borash quizzed.

“I’m pretty sure nothing can top what’s happened to Madison in the past ten minutes” Mickie said arrogantly.

“I wouldn’t be so sure about that. For the final punishment, we took a page out of your career Mickie. Now, we know that this part was incredibly mean spirited and untrue, but remember the Piggie James angle?”

Mickie’s smile suddenly disappeared as a large pig pen was wheeled out. It was filled up with tons of black and brown mud. The consistency was nasty. It was almost exactly what a pig would live in, a trough of water and a bucket of pig food included.

Madison’s reaction was more mixed. Although she was a mess, this night could get even worse for her. On the other hand, she felt like she was going to able to get the last question right out of karma for Mickie’s humiliating actions. Madison wanted payback.

The final question was asked, and the two were hesitant to answer. Mickie was especially fearful of getting it wrong, when she heard Madison’s buzzer go off. She prayed that the answer was wrong.

It wasn’t. Madison let out a loud scream of joy and pointed at Mickie. “Time for some revenge, bitch!” she laughed as Mickie’s face grew horrified.

“Okay Madison, here are the rules. You have Two and a half minutes to do whatever you want to Mickie in this pen, just no violence of course” Borash said as Mickie was dragged into the mud by Madison. They’re feet squelched in the muck as Madison stood behind Mickie, holding her hands behind her back.

“Let’s get this little pig dirty” she said, pushing Mickie’s face into the muck. The smell was horribly intoxicating. Mickie had grown up on a farm and knew that this was real pigpen, and probably was just used. Her face was pushed around, and her hair was used a mop, coating her head with the smelly mess.

“Maybe I can ride you like a horse.” Madison picked Mickie up on her hands and knees and started to spank her bare juicy ass, making Mickie gasp and squirm.

This was extremely humiliating for Mickie. She knew a few years back that it was just for show, but this was real. She could feel the stings of Madison’s slaps and tried to struggle free.

“Uh uh, you’re not going anywhere unless you do what I say” Madison said as she pushed Mickie back down face first. She grabbed a glop of mud and started to smear it on the back of Mickie’s head, trying to cover every clean inch. When she felt satisfied, she got picked Mickie up.

“I’m going to be nice and let you get a little clean” she said, pushing Mickie over to the trough of water. This wasn’t clean water though. Pigs had eaten out of it and it was now brown and dirty.

“Please don’t do this to me, I’m sorry” Mickie said, but it was to no avail. She was dunked head first into the liquid, and then pulled back out. Even though it washed off some of the mud, it still smelled horrible.

“Four more minutes” Borash announced.

Madison threw Mickie onto her back and stood over her. “You liked having my face in your ass, didn’t you? Let’s see how you like this.” Madison straddled Mickie’s stomach and scooted up, her crotch hovering over the face of her foe. “Get ready to eat some pussy.” With that, she dropped her nether regions onto Mickie’s face, lining her vagina up with Mickie’s mouth and started to grind.

“Lick that pussy and maybe I’ll let you go” Madison offered. Mickie tried to move her face, but Madison held her in place. “Come on, I know you’ll like it. I bet it tastes so good.”

Wanting to get out of this, Mickie slipped her tongue out and started to lick. He could feel and taste the sauce and meatballs that was slipped into Madison’s panties, and it was disgusting. Still, hoped that Madison would show her mercy and started to lick more furiously.

Madison closed her eyes and began to moan softly. This felt so good. The woman she hated was now her slave and being humiliated to a national audience. She began to rub her clit and leaned forward so that her pussy was now covering Mickie’s nose as well. After about 20 seconds, she arched her back and let out a loud scream, along with a stream of squirt onto Mickie’s face.

“Ah!” Mickie screamed as she felt the warm liquid hit her face. This had gotten even worse for her.

Madison stood up slowly, her legs shaking from the orgasm she just had. She smiled devilishly at Mickie and walked over to behind her head and looked straight down at her.

“They say an eye for an eye. How about an ass for an ass?” Madison said, dropping down to her knees and pressing her ass into Mickie’s face.

Mickie tried to scream, but her yell was muffled by Madison’s ass. Maybe she had thought too soon that the worst was over. This was utterly humiliating, having to breathe in Madison’s ass.

“Let’s see how you like having to lick ass” Madison taunted, spreading her cheeks so that her hole was right in front of Mickie mouth. “I want your tongue all the way in there.”

“No way!” Mickie shouted, but was then cut off again by Madison dropping the full weight of her ass back onto Mickie’s face.

“That’s the only way I’m gonna get off you” Madison warned, lifting herself up slightly and spreading her ass again for Mickie to have a good look at. “Come one, I know you’ve licked ass before.”

Though she had done this act before, she had only done it with the closest of her former girlfriends, not her arch rival. Still, she wanted this to all be over. Closing her eyes, she once again stuck her tongue out and slid it into Madison.

“Wow, this slut is actually doing this” Madison exclaimed to the roar of the crowd. “How does it taste?” She started to grind on Mickie’s face, making sure her tongue was put to good use.

“Disgusting” Mickie said. Though she ate ass before and was fine with it, the combination of doing it to someone she hated as well as all of the slop on it made this one of the most disgusting things she had ever done, and she wanted it over as quickly as possible.

“Only 40 seconds left to go!” Borash announced.

Madison looked over at the bucket of pig slop. She grabbed Mickie by the hair and pulled her up. She grabbed a handful of the horrible smelling slop and drizzled it slowly onto the brunette’s hair. It was filled with vegetables, meat, and mud, all blended in a nasty and horrible smelling consistency.

Mickie winced as it fell on her head. How was she ever going to get this smell out of her hair she thought, but her thoughts were cut off by the bucket being slowly dumped onto her head. It was official; this was the most humiliating and disgusting experience of her life so far. The smell was overpowering, and she couldn’t even hold her nose with her hand tied behind her back. She tried to look down, but Madison lifted her face up and splattered the last remaining bit across her face, rubbing it in to her mouth. She spat it out right away.

“That was so much fun” Madison laughed as Mickie was uncuffed, pointing and laughing at her. She looked over at the other women, some of whom were laughing was well. What she didn’t know was that Mickie was standing behind her holding a bucket of mud, her face fuming with anger.

As she turned around and saw Mickie, she knew what was about to happen. Before she could yell for her to stop, the half-filled bucket was poured all over her. Mickie may have evened the score.

Security stopped Mickie before she could throw Madison into the mud and quickly escorted her to the back, leaving Madison on the stage standing still, shocked at what just happened.

“Well, you two ladies certainly put on a show, how was it Madison?” Borash asked.

“Do you really want to know?” Madison yelled. “I’m covered in all of this crap, and my face was shoved into that bitch’s ass. How do you think I was? Ugh, I stink! I won’t be clean for a week.” Madison stormed off the stage in a fit, wanting to get her paycheck and leave. As she walked to the dressing room, Mickie was brought out onto the stage.

“Your thoughts Mickie?”

“I agree with everything she said. That was utterly disgusting” Mickie said. “But at least money is going to charity. Hell, maybe I’ll even laugh at this. Someday” she said, not sure about the last part.

“Would you do it all again?” Borash asked.

Mickie shrugged. “If you doubled the money then sure. Fifteen minutes of that is worth it for a good cause.” Mickie smiled and waved to the crowd as she went back and sat on her stool. A few minutes after, Madison sat down on the other side of the stage, still pissed at Mickie getting a measure of revenge.

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Blue Peter Gunge World Record

So Blue Peter attempted to beat the world record for the most people gunged in 3 minutes today, and it was an even bigger success than the last time they were involved in a gungy record attempt. The record was 49, they managed 60 and still had time to spare, which is good and bad in a way! Good balance of men and women too. Overall, everything went better than expected!

Posted in Gunge, Kids' shows | 9 Comments

A Mutual Friend

“Look at them, Phillipa. They’re such ruffians. I can not believe that we have to be the support act for them!” Those were the conceited words of Eleanor Constance Cleary, the guitarist and lead singer of indie-pop band Hymenium. She was 1.7m tall with a flawlessly thin body and flawless 34C cleavage. Her heart-shaped face was similarly flawless, with wide hazel eyes and a small nose which seemed to be pointed up very slightly. Her hair was flawless too, in curly blonde locks which reached down her body to her hips. As for her clothes, they too were flawless. An expensive-looking white halter top with matching skinny jeans held on with a black leather belt and golden buckle. She was wearing white pumps on her feet. The look was rounded out with a red plaid top, just for a touch of indie cred. A plain black guitar strap was slung over her shoulder, holding up her Schecter Banshee-6 FR Passive guitar – pink, of course. “How anyone could ever consider them to be musicians and not noisemongers is beyond me!” she said as she watched an all-female metal band performing on the stage they were hiding behind.

Phillipa Buckingham-Lennox was a little bit shorter than Eleanor, at just 1.6m. She didn’t look as flawless as Eleanor, being a blue-eyed brunette with short hair down to just her shoulders. She had more of a “girl next door” look to her. Were she not the keyboardist in a band, one could almost imagine seeing her in the street and feeling smitten. She was wearing a cute little red dress and brown cowgirl boots, almost like she’d applied to be in a country band and had been turned down. After all, most country bands wouldn’t touch a synthesiser with a barge pole. “I know! And can’t the blonde one afford any shoes?”

Eleanor gave a very posh-sounding laugh. “They all dress in such a cheap and classless way. The Chinese one’s trousers are all ripped.”

“They claim it’s ‘style’. It’s just ugly. Kind of like their keyboardist,” Phillipa smirked meanly, exchanging a high-five with her bandmate.

The band finished the song they were on and walked behind the drumkit. They all picked up buckets and walked over to the front of the stage. The “Chinese” bassist/lead singer gave an announcement. “It’s come to my favourite part of the show. It’s slime time!” The crowd cheered eagerly as the five musicians launched the buckets forwards, thick green gunge surging forwards out of them and splattering on the heads of the crowd below.

“What on Earth are they doing now?!” Phillipa scoffed.

“Sliming the audience. Just, so uncouth. Why would anyone ever willingly want to have their hair and clothes ruined by that stuff?” said Eleanor as she nodded in agreement.

“It’s probably the closest that these people have ever come to a shower, to be fair.”

Once again, Eleanor laughed. “You are sooo right, Phillipa! You can smell them from here!”

At that moment, another woman turned up behind the stage carrying a small tray with three plastic bottles on it. They were all blue and contained some variety of alcopop or another. She was wearing black trousers and a white tank top with white ballet pumps. Compared to the flawlessly thin Eleanor or beauteous Phillipa, she was a little bit more muscular, and had the shortest hair of the three – chin-length black hair with a fringe just above her blue eyes. “Smell what from here?” she asked.

“The smelly metalheads in the crowd,” said Phillipa, taking a bottle from the tray.

“Thank you for the drinks, Arabella,” said Eleanor as she took a drink herself. “No doubt that lot are violent lager drinkers.”

Arabella Hollingsworth was the third and final member of Hymenium, and she was the drummer. She looked a bit perplexed at the way her bandmates seemed to be talking about the crowd. “You can’t stereotype an entire crowd, especially one you’ve just performed for,” she said as the band on the stage launched into another song.

Clearly her words went unnoticed by Phillipa and Eleanor as they just laughed.

“What’s so funny?”

“They’re not going to hear us, darling! We can say what we want!” the blonde said, downing the contents of the bottle and throwing it onto the stage. The soft plastic hit one of the guitarists (a pale brunette) on the head, making her lose her place in the song for a brief moment.

“We’re going back to the tour bus. We’ll see you later,” said Phillipa, throwing her now-empty bottle onto the stage too before walking off. It narrowly missed anyone, but the barefoot blonde guitarist stepped on it and slipped, falling on her backside. She pouted and stood up. Normally she wouldn’t make a big deal of it, but that was one of her solos!

The guitarist stood up and glared in the direction the bottle had come from, aggressively shredding a discordant solo over the song. “YOU’RE GONNA REGRET THAT, BITCH!” she squealed. Thankfully she wasn’t near a microphone at the time, so it went unheard. The song ended shortly after and the blonde threw her guitar down.

“Becky, wait!” the other guitarist called out, running after the blonde, who was now stomping towards Arabella with some force. The bassist, drummer and keyboardist tried to smile and keep the crowd vaguely happy as pandemonium erupted. Thankfully they were planning to end the set after that song anyway, but it still felt awkward. They threw drumsticks and guitar picks into the crowd, as was tradition in rock shows.

Meanwhile, the two guitarists from the metal band were stood right in front of Arabella. “What’s the big idea, huh?!” the blonde demanded. “Are you jealous that we got to headline tonight while your pop group got some polite applause and nothing more?”

“Becky, please calm down,” the brunette said, placing her hands on her bandmate’s shoulders.

“She tried to ruin our set, Shel! Didn’t you see her throw the bottles at us?”

“Did you?”

Becky started to stammer awkwardly. “B-but she’s… I mean…”

The one they called ‘Shel’ just sighed. “No you didn’t. I’ll deal with this, you get a shower and chill with the fans, okay?”

The blonde guitarist looked to her bandmate indignantly. She then turned to Arabella (who was now cowering in terror) and said “This isn’t over.”

At that point, a tall and muscular man with a shaved head walked up to them. He had a yellow polo shirt on and a plastic armband with some kind ID card in it. Clearly he was part of the security detail. “Is everything okay? I heard shouting,” he said.

“I’m glad you turned up,” said the brunette. “Some people threw bottles at us from backstage, and I think this girl might have been involved.”

“I didn’t do anything! It was–“

“Calm down, and we’ll get this resolved. Michelle Massey from The Kayotics and Arabella Hollingsworth from Hymenium, correct?” said the bouncer. The two musicians nodded. “Okay, tell me what happened, Michelle first.” The two women gave their side of the story. Michelle said first how she’d been hit with a bottle and how Becky tripped on another, and when she’d gone after Becky to stop her going crazy, Arabella was the first person they found. Arabella then said how it was her bandmates who had made disparaging comments about the Kayotics’ fans and threw the bottles, with the security guard taking notes the whole time.


The next day was an off-day on the tour. Arabella hadn’t slept well. “Eleanor and Phillipa are my friends, my bandmates. I totally betrayed them,” she thought as she watched them sleeping from her bunk. “At the same time though, I’d done nothing wrong. It was all them!” She sighed and got up, her bare feet digging into the fluffy shag carpet on the floor. She looked in the fridge and found butter, ketchup, smoked bacon and free range eggs, all Waitrose. All the components of a delicious breakfast (if expensive for a touring band). “I hope The Kayotics won’t hate me either,” she thought as she got a loaf of sliced white bread out of an overhead cupboard. The smell of sizzling bacon awoke Eleanor. She got up, stepped into a pair of white slippers, walked down the static tour bus and took out her phone.

“Oh my gosh! Arabella, have you seen the Kayotics’ Twitbook?” she gasped after a few moments.

“No, why?”

“They’re slagging us off! How dare they?! Who do they think they are?!” she shouted.

Phillipa sat up and mumbled “What’s going on?” “Those metal rubes have declared war on us! They say we’re elitist snobs and regret ever inviting us on tour with them!”

“Who are elitist snobs?” Phillipa asked with a yawn. Eleanor tightened her grip on the phone. “I quote. ‘We are so sorry for how tonight’s show ended, but little did we know that a band we liked enough to invite on our UK tour were little more than elitist snobs-exclamation-exclamation-exclamation. The behaviour of the Hymenium girls was appalling, as they threw bottles at Becky and Michelle and called metal fans a bunch of dirty violent thugs, and that our allegedly-stupid signature gunge wave is the only shower that metal fans ever get-exclamation-exclamation-exclamation. Well we say that Phillipa, Eleanor and Arabella are hypocrites of the highest order. We did nothing to you, but you decided to spoil our set through violence. Who are the real violent thugs here-question-exclamation-question-exclamation. Once this tour is over, we want nothing to do with you. Fans, sorry I didn’t come out last night. I was too pissed off with these stupid girls. I’m still angry, honestly. Sludge, love and rock ‘n’ roll, Becky.” Her tone was simply oozing with derision and mockery.

Phillipa burst out laughing. “Oh, they are so stupid it’s hilarious! Wait, which one’s Becky? Is she the Chinese one?”

“She’s the lead guitarist. Blonde, doesn’t like footwear,” Arabella answered, her skin crawling as she heard Becky’s words through Eleanor followed by Phillipa’s laughing. “And for the record, Yumiko is not Chinese. She’s half Japanese, half English.”

“You almost sound like you’re their friend,” Phillipa smirked.

Arabella just shrugged and finished making her sandwich. “If you want a feud with them, whatever, but just remember that they outnumber you five against two.”

“Three,” said Eleanor.

“Two. I did not join a band in order to get into feuds with people.”

“Well, feud’s clearly on. We’ll put them in their place. First though, breakfast!” Eleanor declared.

Poor Arabella just sighed and headed for the door. She needed some alone time. Opening the door and sitting on the step, she didn’t expect to see someone outside. The person outside was a woman. Specifically, it was Kassidy. She was wearing an old Slayer t-shirt, some blue jeans with huge rips in the knee and black high-tops. The ginger drummer looked to Arabella with some wariness. “You…” she muttered.

Arabella looked at Kassidy remorsefully. “I don’t want trouble,” she said, taking a bite out of her sandwich.

“Well, Becky’s still mad at you guys. She doesn’t want to speak to you unless you guys are going to apologise.”

“What about you? What are you doing here?”

Kassidy shrugged her shoulders. “Michelle told me that you grassed your bandmates up. Is that true?” she asked. Arabella gave a nod. “I see. So, you had nothing to do with it?”

“That’s right. I would never do such a thing,” said Arabella, looking deep into Kassidy’s eyes. “It doesn’t fix anything, and it’s probably not my place, but I am so sorry for what the…”


Seemingly out of nowhere, an egg splattered on Kassidy’s forehead, clear and sticky goop spreading over her face and into her beautiful red hair. Arabella watched mortified as the Kayotics’ drummer took a deep breath and growled. Kassidy rather foolishly placed her fingers into the yolk, bursting the yellow bubble and making it seep over her fingertips and run down her face. Clearly, her attempt to get it out had backfired. “Get a shower, metalhead!” Eleanor yelled out of an open window.

“Oh my God…” Arabella whispered in shock. Kassidy’s hands formed tightly clenched fists.

“Arabella, come with me,” she hissed, walking over to the other drummer. Arabella didn’t even try to resist as Kassidy grabbed her under the shoulders and marched her into the other tour bus. The Kayotics’ tour bus was much the same as Hymenium’s, but with a few more bunks. It had all the necessities for living on the road, but was a little bit more unkempt. Oddly, Arabella felt a bit more at home in it, or she would if it wasn’t for four sets of eyes looking at her and the now-eggy Kassidy.

“What’s going on?” asked Chloe.

“I went over to offer an olive branch and this one’s little friends egged me!” Kassidy frowned, throwing Arabella to the floor.

“You’re joking,” sighed Michelle. Becky shook her head.

“What did you expect? They’re a bunch of brutes!”

“I had nothing to do with anything the others did!” Arabella said, looking at Chloe with pleading eyes. The Kayotics all looked at her in disbelief, with one exception.

“I believe her,” said Michelle.

“Why?” asked Becky.

“I said before that she told the bouncer last night that the others in her band threw the bottles. Why would she grass up her own bandmates? It’s simple. Unlike them, she’s honest,” Michelle reasoned.

Arabella smiled for the first time all day, until Yumiko finally broke her silence. “I did see who threw the bottle at you, too, just out of the corner of my eye. It wasn’t her.”

“We still need to send Hymenium a message! They hit Shel with a bottle, tripped me up and now egged Kassie! Nobody messes up Kassie, other than the rest of us!” Becky declared. “Ararabella, isn’t it?”

“It… Not quite…” Arabella muttered, picking herself up off the floor.

Becky looked into Arabella’s eyes and grabbed her chin between her index finger and thumb. “You don’t really think the gunge wave is stupid, do you?” she said with a wry grin.

Arabella knew a trap when she heard one. If she said yes, the Kayotics would be offended and probably gunge her. If she said no, they’d probably take it as her being up for a gunging. If she didn’t give an answer, they’d press her into giving an answer either way.

“Not at all! In fact, I think that you should subject my bandmates to it,” she said, desperately trying to get out of the situation.

“Wow, Ararabella! You have no loyalty to your friends, do you?” Becky smirked and took on a more sultry tone. “Or is this some kind of fantasy of yours? If it is, I totally get it. Your friends my be stuck up little bitches, but they are pretty, and would look even prettier covered in gunge!”

Chloe shook her head and sighed. “Rebecca…” Becky stifled the giggle she always got when someone used her real name on her. “How many times do I have to say it? Not everyone is a complete nympho!”

“I’m not a complete nympho!” Yumiko sighed.

“Enough bickering, you guys. Are we going to send Arabella’s friends a message or not? Just wondering since I have an idea…”


Later that day, Eleanor was dressed in a white tank top and white jeans, and relaxing in her bunk with some kind of soppy novel. Suddenly she received a text message. “U guys come 2 kayotics bus Becky has something 2 say 2 u”.

“It’s a trap. She’s been forced to send a message,” Phillipa declared immediately, looking back from the TV.

“Don’t be silly. Those metalheads aren’t smart enough to make a trap. They’re going to apologise and say how we’re simply flawless musicians!” With those words, Eleanor headed straight for the bus. Phillipa rolled her eyes and followed her. They approached and saw Becky waiting with Arabella, sat in lawn chairs. There were two empty lawn chairs in front of them too. Unbeknownst to them, the rest of the Kayotics were hiding in the shadows.

“Good afternoon, my bandmates,” Arabella smiled.

“Yo,” Becky added. “Take a seat.”

Phillipa whispered into Eleanor’s ear. “Seriously, I don’t like the looks of this. Let’s go back to the bus.”

“Something wrong, Pippy?” Becky smiled innocently.

“Yeah, you’re being way too nice,” said Phillipa, trying to hide her annoyance at being called “Pippy”. “What are you planning?”

“I just want to bury the hatchet, Pip. I was a bit out of line last night.”

“Damn right you were!” Eleanor snapped at Becky, standing over her. As much as the singer/guitarist towered over Becky, the Kayotics’ lead guitarist wasn’t worried. “You were out of line with your baseless accusa–” She was soon cut off by the feeling of something running up the side of her right leg. She looked down and saw that Becky playing footsie with her. “What are you doing, you freak?!”

Becky pouted. “I thought it would feel nice for you!”

Eleanor sat down on one of the spare chairs, glaring at Becky the whole time. “Look, Becky, I don’t like you. I don’t like any of you Kayotics. I don’t even like metal. The only reason that we agreed to tour with you was because the label offered us a lot of money to do it. Got it?”

“That’s a shame. I was hoping to settle our silly argument,” Becky said, almost sounding genuinely sad. “What don’t you like about us?”

Phillipa shrugged her shoulders and sat down with the other girls. Clearly nobody else was going anywhere. “Metal is just noise. Why can’t you make proper music?”

“And what’s with your gunge obsession? It looks so foul and makes you look like a bunch of utter children,” Eleanor added.

“Also, we have fans because we can actually play our instruments and because Elle can really sing. You only have fans because you go around on stage in skimpy costumes and pose provocatively while that Chinese girl sings songs about boys! Except, you’re not even good at being sexy since you’re all ugly and smell as bad as your fans!”

Becky huffed. “Well, you’ve spelled it out for me very clearly. I feel I must apologise. I’m sorry you don’t think that four girls with diplomas in music and a girl with a degree in music can’t play their instruments or sing.”

“You guys actually have qualifications in music? Exams really are getting easier!” Eleanor chuckled. “Anyway, you were saying?”

“I’m sorry that you think that having a harmless quirk that all your fans love makes you less mature than injuring your fellow musicians with no provocation,” Becky continued.

Eleanor scoffed. “Becky, gunge is for kids and creepy internet fetishists. If you’re not kids, you’re obviously some kind of sexual deviants.”

“Sexual deviancy is probably my best trait, and one I’d happily share with you” Becky said, batting her eyelids. “Except that you’re so fucking fake, which leads me to my next point. I’m really sorry that we don’t fit your definitions of beauty because we don’t pad our bras, wear the exact same goddamn makeup as every other bimbo or spend our daddy’s money on plastic surgery that makes us look the exact fucking same as we did before we went in.”

Eleanor and Phillipa both gasped. “I do not pad my bra!” Phillipa protested, crossing her arms over her chest.

“And I have never had plastic surgery! Why would I? I’m flawless as I am!”

“Are you done with your fake apologies, Little Miss ‘So Fucking Fake’?”

Becky just shook her head. “One last thing. I’m sorry you can’t admit you’re in the wrong in this. I really hoped we could settle our differences, but it’s clear you’re a pair of stupid, spoiled cunts. I was hoping it wouldn’t come to this.”

“Come to–EEK!!!” Eleanor started, but she was cut off by something hitting the top of her head. Her flawless hair soon turned into a slimy, sticky green mess. Through the deluge of green gunge, she could just see Michelle and Kassidy (now egg-free) stood over her with a pair of buckets. The white top and trousers she was wearing quickly turned the same bright green as her hair and face.

Phillipa tried not to, but she couldn’t help laughing at Eleanor, even if the odd drop was splashing onto her (though it was nothing compared to the splash-back that Michelle and Kassidy where dealing with, of course). “I told you it was a trap!” she laughed.

“I don’t know why you’re so happy,” said a voice from behind her. It was Yumiko, and she was stood with Chloe. The two of them were both holding buckets too. “Oh, and stop saying I’m Chinese.”

The keyboardist’s heart sank, knowing she wouldn’t get away from this encounter even remotely clean. She slipped her mules off and kicked them under her chair. Hopefully her red dress would survive the imminent deluge. Deciding there was no point in fighting it, she closed her eyes and waited for Yumiko and Chloe to do their dirty work. In a single moment, the two members of The Kayotics turned their helpless captive into much the same sort of mess that Eleanor had become. “Eurgh, this is awful,” Phillipa moaned.

“It’s horrible,” added Eleanor. “You’re all horrible!”

“I dunno, I think you look great,” Phillipa teased, wiping some of the goo from her face. There was little point, of course, as the gunge above it simply replaced it.

Eleanor stared at Phillipa, eyes narrowed under the thick coating of green ooze. “Are you serious? We’ve just been humiliated and you’re making jokes?”

“No, I mean it. Green is so your colour.”

Eleanor scoffed. “You’re covered in gunk too, you know! We both look ridiculous!”

“Yeah, and the world will see how ridiculous you look,” said Arabella, gesturing to a camcorder in the window of the Kayotics’ tour bus. “Now, apologise.”

Eleanor and Phillipa felt themselves freeze. Whether it was the frigid cold slime or the piercing stares from the other women there, they didn’t know. Phillipa was the first one to speak. “I… I’m sorry.”

“No you aren’t, and neither am I! I swear, when my daddy finds out what you’ve done, you’ll end up with so much negative publicity you’ll have to go into hiding!” Eleanor declared, stomping off back to her tour bus. “Assuming you CAN hide when you’re so identifiably ugly and smelly!” she shouted as she slammed the door.

Phillipa flinched at the door’s slam. It shook the tour bus. “This is why I say on her good side,” she said quietly. “Like, really try to stay on her good side. I didn’t mean most of what I said. Sorry for hurting you all.” She looked deeply into Becky’s eyes as she spoke, toes curled and hand on heart.

“I’m sorry too, for thinking you were as bad as Eleanor,” smiled Becky.

“And for having me gunged?”

The Kayotics’ lead guitarist let out her usual perky giggle. “Hee hee! Nope! You look fine, Pip! The only gungy thing I’ll apologise for is not preparing some for Arabella!”

Arabella gasped, albeit jokingly, while Phillipa let out a chuckle and said, “A compliment and a promise of a future gunging for our mutual friend is good enough for me! Now, I must retire and cleanse myself of your foul ooze!”

As Phillipa left, Arabella looked over The Kayotics, one by one, from Michelle to Kassidy, to Chloe and Yumiko, and finally to Becky. “Are you really going to gunge me too?” she asked.

“Sure.” “Probably.” “I guess if you want to.” “Yeah!” “Someday.”

Arabella couldn’t tell who said what as they spoke at once. All she knew was how she’d answer the idea. “I’d be honoured.”

“Well, that’s all we have right now,” said Michelle. “Guess you’ll have to look forward to it some other time.”


I know this isn’t Kirsten’s Tale Part 4. I am working on it, but the fact I’ve left this story unfinished has been bugging me. I’ve got a reason for writing this beyond just thinking “hey, The Kayotics should humiliate a couple of snobs”, but I’ll explain that in a separate post.

Posted in Foam/soap, Food (fights), Gunge | 1 Comment

Alternatives to H₂O

Mutations – don’t you just love ‘em?

The ice bucket challenge meme has been a real boon to our community, with hundreds of “wish list” celebs getting doused alongside thousands of civilian vids. On top of that it’s raising a sackload of money for charity. It therefore seems churlish to find fault with this craze, but if, like me, you’re a messy fan who views wetlook as “WAM lite”, you might be quietly ruing that the challenge doesn’t involve something more substantial.

Well fortunately some participants have taken the initiative to add their own messy twist. There are also new crazes emerging such as “Pies for Parkinsons”. I’ve collected a few of my top pics below. Apologies if any are reposts; I’ve been away for a bit and haven’t had time to keep up with all the finds.

Posted in Civilian, Foam/soap, Food (fights), Gunge, Mud, Paint, Pies | 7 Comments

Jennifer Lopez: “Booty” teaser

My 14-year-old self would have loved to see JLo messy back in the day. My current 24-year-old self will happily take this though. What are we taking? Clear, oily goo applied to Jennifer’s body.

The full version is out, but the song’s pretty much just four minutes of what you get in the teaser. You really don’t need to hear more than that in my opinion. The video, however, isn’t four minutes of what we got in the teaser. It’s kind of misleading in that sense. I’d also have oiled up Iggy Azalea…

Posted in Gunge, Music videos | 11 Comments