Big Brother gunge endurance

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Splash Page (Vol. 4)

Disclaimer: This story is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and the characters are fictional. Any resemblance to real events or persons is coincidence.

In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

Note: This is the fourth and final portion of the story.  The other parts can be found here, here, and over there.  I’ve really gotten a kick out of this one, hence the length and detail.  Sorry if it’s daunting.  Enjoy.  

 

 
#7   Tik Tik Tik…!

 

It was almost four in the morning before the Violet Viper finished with her preparations.  Of course, it was worth it; after all, tomorrow was going to be a big day.

The former archaeologist, born Vivian Pitts, had been in the city for nearly a week and a half, and to be honest, it had been an uneventful stay.  Really she hadn’t committed much in the way of crimes since that armored car job; and even though it served its purpose, it had been a pretty measly take.  Beyond the first heist, there were only a handful of minor thefts, fairly petty by her own standards.  A car or two off the street, some equipment from a home improvement store, a few drums of machine oil from a factory, a handful of consumer electronics.  Kiddie stuff.  But everything was going according to plan, so her fortunes would all change tomorrow.

The striking villainess parked her stolen pickup truck in the abandoned parking lot.  The contents of the truck bed were covered with a tarp, but some recently-emptied metal barrels peeked out at the edges.  The Violet Viper stepped out into the warm night air, and headed toward the defunct shopping mall in which she’d been squatting.  She wore a black trench coat and matching fedora over her aggressively purple costume; in general she was fond of making a scene, but sometimes incognito was the way to go.

As she stretched out on a (stolen) folding cot, ready for a few hours cat-nap, she ran through a mental checklist for the eventful day she had planned.  Everything was ready.  Tomorrow was going to be a good day.

 

#8   Swish! Zzzikt! Blurp!  Crack! Plop! Whump! Sploosh!

 
Suzanna Decker was sitting in a big wingback chair drumming her fingers impatiently.  The chair was in the middle of what she jokingly referred to as ‘the Clout Cave.’  The top floor of her hilltop mansion was primarily devoted to her crime-fighting alter-ego; resplendent with top-of-the-line computers, scientific research equipment, and tools for engineering and experimentation.  It was only seven-thirty in the morning, much earlier than your standard ne’er-do-well tended to rise, but Suzanna, decked out in her full Clout gear, was anxious for some action.  Not that she was hoping for crime or anything, but she was very much hoping for the opportunity to cross paths with the Gray Lady…

Their recent feud had been occupying quite a bit of her time lately, in one way or another.  Her current excitement was owed to a small, inspired, modification she had added to her bright red armor and was eager to try out.  She was waiting, with fading patience, for something to happen.  As it happened, her wish came true.

Lily Pfennig, her ever-able assistant, entered the room.  As always, she was scanning her slim tablet.

“Looks like there’s trouble downtown.”

She did a bit of tapping and swiping, and a fuzzy video appeared on one of the big screens.

“This was sent to the mayor’s office from an encrypted source…”

The video showed a shadowy shape sitting in a shadowy room.  It was tough to make anything out, but mystery messenger seemed to have a bulky figure and be wearing some sort of hat.  When the character in the video spoke its voice was digitally garbled; a sort of sonic mask.

“BEWARE!  YOUR FAIR CITY IS NOW AT THE MERCY OF THE TRAFFIC KING!  I WILL CRIPPLE YOUR ECONOMY BY DEVASTATING YOUR TRAFFIC PATTERNS!  I HAVE ALREADY STRUCK AT THE HEART OF YOUR CITY, AND THIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING!  EXPECT MY DEMANDS BY SUNDOWN!”

The video faded-out as the shadowy figure unleashed a maniacal laugh that Suzanna frankly thought sounded forced.

“For real?  The Traffic King?  I mean, that’s up there on the list of the dumbest things I’ve ever heard, and that’s counting the ant-guy from last week.”

“I know.  But the threat is real enough.  It seems someone greased Main Street overnight…”

“Greased?”

“Yeah.  Exactly like it sounds.  It’s like driving on ice.  The police have it mostly shut-down, but it goes right through the center of downtown and they’re having trouble keeping everyone off the street.  The Gray Lady is down there now, helping with…”

Lily was cut off when Suzanna pressed a button on the arm of her chair.  An oversize skylight in slid silently aside.  Suzanna Decker stood and leapt toward the hole in the ceiling, her jet-boots kicking in and blasting her into the clouds.  Back inside, Lily shook her head and sighed, returning to her work.

A small crowd of reporters and civilian gawkers was standing around the edges of Main Street, watching the police and the Gray Lady deal with the traffic snarl this unique act of villainy had caused.  For the most part, radio and TV alerts were keeping motorists away from the dangerously slippery stretch of street, but there were still more than a few vehicles stranded on the greased blacktop; most of these were trucks and other industrial vehicles which had been out and about before the cryptic warning was delivered.  So far, the Gray Lady and the police had been able to avert any real disasters on the usually-busy thoroughfare.

Although she’d only been out here for a little while, Jenny Wheeling had already stopped several trucks with her bare hands, which was extra-difficult while trying to keep her own feet from slipping.  She was getting worn out in a hurry, and took advantage of the current break in action to lean against a vacant ice-cream truck parked half on the sidewalk.  Her relaxation was cut short when Clout zipped in from between skyscrapers, landing nearby and waving to the onlookers.

Jenny and Suzanna strode purposefully toward one another, each with sharp words on the tip of her tongue.  Neither got to use them though, as their attention was suddenly grabbed by some shouting from up the street…

Uniformed police officers sprang out of the way as a small white tanker truck plowed through a roadblock and onto the oily Main Street.  The horn offered plaintive honking and the breaks squealed uselessly as the truck skidded wildly toward the heroines.  The shiny white wrecking ball began to turn, spinning around as it slid helplessly down the road.  The hapless driver managed to hop out and roll to safety.  But the truck wasn’t stopping anytime soon.

Jenny dashed in front of the out-of-control truck and braced herself firmly.  As the truck careened toward her, she read the logo on the side of the tank; ‘F&M Italian Foods—A Family Company.’  She took a deep breath and waited for the right moment…

Now!  Her hands flashed out and gripped the rear of the tanker, her gray-gloved fingers crimping the painted metal.  Exhaling sharply, Jenny thrust the truck into the air.  Locking her elbows and arching her back slightly, the Gray Lady held the steel bulk aloft, adjusting constantly to keep the wobbling cab balanced on a straight line.  It was far from the heaviest thing she’d ever lifted, but it was hardly a sack of feathers either.  Through gritted teeth she called to Suzanna.

“Hey, if you’re not too busy, want to give me a hand with this?”

The reply came back almost immediately.

“Sure!  Let me lighten your load!”

Suddenly a buzzing hiss filled Jenny’s ears, and she saw a thin red beam trace a glowing orange X on the back of the truck’s tank.  As she put the pieces together and the X started smoking, the bright beam drew a circle around the cross.  The scent of tomatoes and herbs flooded her nose and, as the sliced metal gave way, the smell was followed by a flood of pasta sauce from within the tank.

The lumpy tomato-based sauce coursed over her auburn hair and coated her costume.  Transported cold for freshness, the red-orange slop was clammy and clinging, and gave Jenny a jolt as it covered her.  Sputtering under a face-full of the aromatic sauce, she faltered for a second, nearly dropping the empty tank truck; fortunately, now that the cargo was all over Jenny and the street, the truck was in fact lighter.

The Gray Lady, currently more red than gray both in color and in mood, set the truck down somewhat less gently than she would have normally.  Brushing tomato off her mask, she spun around angrily to confront Decker.  Predicting Jenny’s reaction, Suzanna shrugged innocently, a tiny plume of smoke still drifting from the small laser mounted on her wrist.

“What?  You asked for help, so I helped!”

Jenny was nearly ready to throw caution and decorum out the window.  She raised a finger at her armored antagonist… But hesitated at the last second, glancing toward the crowd of potential witnesses.  To her surprise, they were all still pointing and staring, mouths agape, at the vented truck.  In fact, not a single one of them was moving whatsoever.  Besides Suzanna, everyone in the area looked as though someone had hit pause on a DVD.

“Hang on, what gives?”

Suzanna too had noticed the eerie freeze that had fallen over the street.

“I did that.  It’s bad enough you two behaving like children in private, we hardly need you making a scene in public…”

Alyson Quirk stepped out of the crowd of statues, carrying her magic book and wearing her Didactic costume.

The bookish brunette magician combined a few clashing schools-of-thought when assembling her costume.  Perhaps in deference to librarian tradition, she wore a fairly conservative midnight blue pantsuit, coupled with, from the magical camp, a pair of heavy gold bracelets and a short royal blue cape.  Her brown hair was tied back loosely and a few stands blew in her face, flitting around her glasses.  As usual, she eschewed a mask; she explained that she knew a spell which could modify the memory of anyone who might recognize her from normal life (the common joke was that she had never needed to use it).

Jenny sighed and rolled her eyes.  Suzanna was less subtle.

“Great, it’s Doctor Dull.  Just what we needed.”

“Look, I know you don’t want to hear it, but you’ve got to knock it off!  Just look at you, you were about to have it out in the middle of downtown!  That’s ridiculous!”

Jenny spread her arms, displaying the pasta sauce dripping from every part of her body.

“This is going to go down, whether it’s here and now or somewhere else…”

“Tomato-lady is right.  And at least here we don’t have to play nice for an audience.  Seems as good an opportunity as we’re going to get…”

“Oh you can’t be serious!  Honestly, one of you just has to be the bigger person here!  You know, I…”

Jenny tuned out Alyson’s lecture.  She spied Suzanna fiddling behind her back with a new-looking bulge at the waist of her suit.  While Alyson was still talking, Suzanna pointed her armored hand at the fellow heroine in blue, aiming from the hip.  Her thumb twitched, and a thick stream of green fluid shot from a nozzle under her palm.

The jet of green goo hit Alyson in the face, and then tracked up and down her body under Suzanna’s direction, painting the cringing librarian thoroughly.  The goo was partially opaque and somewhat watery and, Jenny thought, looked for all the world like the slime from kid’s TV shows.

As the stream of slime faded, Alyson slipped and landed in a puddle of green with a squeak, coated in goo.  Suzanna turned back to Jenny with a grin.

“My own recipe.  That ought to keep her out of our hair for a bit.  So, you ready to do this?”
Jenny nodded, looking at Alyson.

“That’s new right?  Lucky you brought it along.”

Clout quickly glanced back at Didactic, who was trying to rub slime from her glasses.

“Yeah.  It was meant for you…”

By the time she turned back, the Gray Lady was gone, no longer nearby.
She heard a low whistle from behind her back.  Spinning in a panic, she saw Jenny standing a few yards away, next to a street vendor’s hotdog cart.  Her opponent grabbed something from the cart and hurled it at Suzanna.  Reacting as fast as she could, she fired a bolt from her gauntlet at the projectile.

When struck by the energy blast, the object exploded with a wet crack.  It had been the ketchup reservoir from the cart, and once blown to pieces, it sent a shockwave of crimson condiment splattering over Suzanna.  With a groan, the blonde CEO wiped ketchup back through her hair with her unarmored hand.

Jenny smirked, pleased that she had predicted Suzanna’s response to her missile.  She fished into the cart for something else to hurl, but when she looked back, it was Suzanna’s turn to vanish.  Jenny’s first instinct was to watch her own back, but no luck.  For thirty tense seconds, the Gray Lady scanned her surroundings vigilantly.  She noticed the high-pitched jet-whine just as the taunt reached her ears…

“Up here!”

Her eyes darted up reflexively.  Suzanna was hovering a few feet up; tipping some big gaudy can over her head.  Jenny squirmed as a giant blob of nacho cheese plopped down on her head and shoulders.  The lurid yellow chip dip was warm and gooey as it spread over her sauce-slick hair.

Suzanna laughed openly at Jenny’s predicament, making another looping pass around their battleground.  Air superiority was nice, but it also upped the chances that someone not affected by Alyson’s spell might catch wind of the super-spat taking place; which would be bad news for all parties.  She landed on the roof of a big maintenance van parked in front of an office building, searching for her rival and wishing she didn’t reek of ketchup.

The superhero called Clout suddenly felt a puzzling tremor underfoot.  She still had a perplexed expression on her face when the roof of the van was yanked from beneath her feet like a cartoon rug.  Unable to trigger her boots fast enough, she tumbled into the belly of the maintenance van, landing on a heap of cardboard boxes and fresh mop-heads.  When she opened her eyes, she saw that one of the van’s rear doors had been pulled off surgically and silently, and the roof peeled back like a sardine tin.  She also saw Jenny standing over her, smiling smugly, slathered in foodstuffs and holding a big plastic bucket of paint in each hand, stairwell-brown and taupe respectively.  The Gray Lady dumped the paint on Suzanna all at once.  It sloshed thickly over her armor and splashed across her face.

Jenny, thinking she had checkmate, was all set to offer Decker terms of surrender… maybe after first finding something else to pour on her.  But her painted foe had other ideas.  Wriggling into position, still on the floor of the van, Suzanna placed her metal-encased arm over her head like a battering ram.  She fired her jet-boots, crashing through the front seats and windshield of the decimated van.  Slightly awed, Jenny watched through the improvised exit as Suzanna, unable to steer well or correct her trajectory, smashed through the backdoor of a nearby ice-cream truck.

Leaping out the top of the van Jenny trotted over to the ice-cream truck casually.  Steam from some ruined cooling unit coiled out from the crushed doors.  Jenny waited a beat, considering her options.  Suzanna stepped out slowly, her hands raised.

“Alright, alright, I know when I’m.”

She didn’t finish the sentence.  Instead, she dropped her gauntlet, leveling it at Jenny.  It was only then that Jenny noticed the length of hose, leading from that bulge on Suzanna’s armor that had contained the slime supply, back into the depths of the ice-cream truck…

Before Jenny could react, a gushing stream of rich chocolate syrup was spurting from Suzanna’s gauntlet.  The dark brown ooze shot out haphazardly, spattering her face and hair and body.  After just a few seconds the jury-rigged syrup gun faltered and the torrent of chocolate goop fainted.

Stock-still and surrounded by the wreckage of their conflict, the two super-powered women locked eyes.  An ominous silence hung over the street as all of the frustration and embarrassment the dueling pair had caused one another came to a head.

Jenny glared at Suzanna, a more worthy rival than any of a dozen villains, standing there covered in a medley of slop; the ketchup smeared through her blonde hair staining it a reddish color, the mixed paints mingling, leaving her armor a dappled gray color, even a sloppy streak dashed across her face like mask…

Suzanna stared-down Jenny, a willful and devious adversary, planted in a spreading puddle of various mucks; the shiny chocolate syrup competed with thick pasta sauce to claim territory across her dripping costume, different patches of black and red, the oozing nacho cheese giving her auburn hair a yellow coating…

Neither of them would win any costume contests, but there was an undeniable mirrored-quality to their mutual dishevelment…  Each looking almost like a child’s drawing of the other’s heroic persona.

The effect was strange, and enough to get them both thinking straight.  Jenny spoke up first.

“What are we doing?”

“Yeah.  I’m not sure anymore.  This is kind of crazy…”

“And dumb.”

“Yeah, and dumb.”

Well off to the side of their impromptu arena, they heard a haughty scoff.  Alyson had managed to get enough slime off her glasses to function.  She had her golden book spread open on the sidewalk and was searching through her new spells, looking for one that might help with cleaning-up, pretending to ignore them.

Suzanna scowled at Alyson’s un-subtle exclamation, but softened her expression when she looked at Jenny.

“I’m sorry.  None of this would have happened if I hadn’t taken a silly turf dispute too far…”

“Well, it takes two to tango…  Neither of us exactly comes out of this smelling like a rose…  I’m sorry too.”

Wiping paint from her left eye, Suzanna shrugged.

“Then I guess that’s a truce.   Come to think of it, in retrospect, I guess I could see how, from an outside perspective, it might look like we went a little overboard…”

Over on the sidewalk, Alyson let out another exclamation, this time a reproving cluck.  She had found the spell she was looking for and had started studying it closely.
Jenny, disregarding the judgmental librarian, returned the shrug.

“Oh, speaking of that unfortunate incident, did you ever track down that Viper lady?  I, uh, never really got around to it.”

Suzanna blushed beneath the layer of muck.

“Ah, yeah, me neither…  Though, on the bright side, it seems like she never got up to any more shenanigans.  All this trouble and she turns out to be a dud.  Seems like my tipster was overreacting.”

Jenny perked up suddenly.

“Tipster?  You got a tip about the Violet Viper?”

“Uh, yeah, an anonymous email.  Wait, why?  You got one too?”

“Two anonymous tips.  One to each of us.  About a legitimate villain pulling a caper that just so happens to fall right between our traditional territories?  You’re the scientist, what are the odds of that?”

“Increasingly unlikely…  You really think she played us?  Set us up against each other?”

“It fits, right?  Doesn’t take a genius to see we have pretty different ways of doing things…  All she did was put us on a collision course and let our egos take it from there.”

“That scaly…!  But what’s her end of it?  What does she…  Traffic King my ass!  I knew that video was too stupid to be real! This is another load of snake oil!  While we’re busy having a bust-up, she’s off having free reign of the city!”

Jenny clapped a palm to her forehead, squishing some of the slowly dribbling cheese.

“Of course she is…  You know, I really wish we’d had this conversation sooner.”

“I told you so!  Oh, both of you!  I’ve been saying all along!  See, that’s what stubbornness gets you!”

Alyson could no longer contain herself.  At the moment, she was in the middle of using a spell to carefully collect all the muck and gunk she could from the recent showdown.  The fingers of her right hand were contorted arcanely, guiding a large floating mass of sauce and cheese and paint and syrup, all bunched together and surrounded by an ethereal net of crackling gold energy.  Her preoccupation, however, did not stop her from making scolding gestures with her left hand as she lectured energetically.

“If only you’d listened to me sooner!  Now look at the mess you’ve made!  Oh, I can’t believe this juvenile behavior…”

Jenny nudged Suzanna.  They exchanged a wink.

While the slime-coated librarian was still ranting, Jenny took a big step toward her and stomped down hard.  The pavement shifted and crunched from the force of her foot, sending a miniature quake right under Alyson.  At the same time as the criticizing sorceress was losing her footing, Suzanna snapped off a quick blast from her gauntlet, straight into the floating ball of slop.

The magic dissipated and the mass of mixed mess collapsed, landing primarily on Alyson.  Somewhat chastised, the magical heroine sat in the middle of the wide multi-colored puddle, unrecognizable under the shower of gunk.  Her rambling lecture on responsibility and the perils of stubbornness ended with two words muttered softly…

“Oh dear.”

Jenny wrinkled her nose, feeling slightly guilty.

“Whoops.”

Suzanna scraped a bit of crusting ketchup from her ear.

“Yeah.  At least now she’s part of the club…  Hey, it’s a shame we don’t get along, because we make a pretty good team.”

Jenny nodded, then raised an eyebrow.

“That’s true.  You up for giving it another try?”

 

#9   Gulp!

It was mid afternoon.  The shadows lengthened as the sun began to dip, and Vivian Pitts was on her way out of town.  Driving a stolen silver convertible, with the top down and the heat of the day clashing pleasantly with the cool wind off the highway, she was enjoying herself immensely.  In celebration of her recent success, Vivian had even indulged in a late lunch from a fast-food burger chain.  The greasy remnants of the sandwich were crumpled under the seat and there was most of a strawberry milkshake slowly melting in the cup holder.

Unless you knew better, or happened to run her license plates, you’d never guess that the pale raven-haired beauty behind the wheel was a semi-infamous super villain, dressed as she was, in cut-off jeans and lavender button-down knotted at her svelte midriff.  A pair of enormous sunglasses hid her recognizably vivid green eyes.  Her Violet Viper costume was stashed safely in the trunk of the convertible, alongside the diamonds.  Of course there was gold too, and some silver and other assorted gems, but her focus this time was diamonds; she hadn’t counted them yet, but there were a lot.  It had been a very long, very good day.
Despite her high spirits, her eyes narrowed behind her sunglasses at a potential hiccup fast approaching.  There was someone standing in the middle of the road up ahead; odd in general, but especially since she chose this route because it was off the beaten path.  Stepping on the brakes, she came to a halt in front of a worryingly-familiar redheaded woman in gray.

“Excuse me ma’am, but it seems you were speeding back there…”

Jenny was smiling, her hands planted on her hips.

“Oh?  Was I?  I’m sorry about that!  See, um, I’m in a bit of a hurry, and…”

Vivian smiled back, glancing over her shoulder and considering throwing the car in reverse.  She wasn’t sure she’d been recognized yet…

All doubt evaporated when Clout dropped quietly from the sky, landing gracefully on the trunk of the convertible.  Suzanna waved happily at the plain-clothed villainess.

As if that wasn’t enough, a third woman materialized out of thin air, right beside the driver’s side door.  She was dressed in some weirdly formal blue getup and carrying a big shiny book.  All three of the united heroines were somewhat damp; the result of a speed-washing from one of Alyson’s typhoon-themed spells.

Feeling quite cornered, Vivian reacted rashly.  Her hand flashed to her whip, stuffed between her seat and the car door, and sent it whistling toward the woman in blue.  The woman just held up her book, which seemed to nearly double in size, and the whiplash deflected like bug off a windshield.  The Gray Lady snatched the errant tail and effortlessly yanked the whip out of Vivian’s grip.  He smile grew as she inspected the familiar purple crystal pommel.

“Hmmm… Now where have I seen this before?”

Vivian wasn’t in the mood to be toyed with.  She took off her sunglasses and tossed them aside in frustration.

“How’d you find me?”

“Teamwork, actually…”

Suzanna spoke up, now stretched across the backseat of the convertible.

“See, once we caught on to your little game, it was easy enough to spot the string of very professional, high-end jewelry store robberies that went down today.  Coincidentally, we were a bit busy at the time… But I was able to get access to some of the security tapes after the fact, and get a general idea of where you were headed.  Then based on that, my foreboding pal over there was able to figure out which way you’d go to skip town; she knows the city like the back of her hand, you see.  Now, my cold-blooded friend, all that’s left is to decide what to do with you…”

“Oh, I’ve got something I want to try!”

Giving the hero known as Didactic a welcoming sweep of the arm, Suzanna sat back.

Alyson crooked and twisted a few of her fingers, muttering something under her breath.

Vivian suddenly felt her right hand move of its own accord, manipulated like a marionette by some tiny curling tendrils of crackling gold energy.  Despite her efforts to fight the process, Vivian lifted the leftover milkshake from the cup holder.  She could do nothing to stop herself, as her renegade arm emptied the tall paper cup on the top of her head.  The cold pink goop spread over her, dribbling onto her shoulders and down her back.  Mercilessly, Alyson magically forced her to rub the strawberry slop into her own shiny black hair.  Content with the results, the heroic librarian relinquished control of Vivian’s arm.

With a shiver and a disgusted moan, the foiled villainess plucked sticky strands of hair from the side of her face, exhaling through her nose to clear her nostrils of milkshake.

“Great.  Thanks.  You win.  Can I go to jail now?”

Jenny beamed in response, making mischievous eye contact with her allies.

“Not quite yet…”

 

#10   Conclusions

“So, we’re just going to hang onto this.  It’ll make a great souvenir of our time together, and I think it’ll look nice hanging above my mantle.”

The Gray Lady was holding the Violet Viper’s black and purple whip, her tone friendly and casual.

“And I’m keeping these.  Because, you know, I wanted a trophy too and she already called the good one…”

Clout tapped the pair of bulky sunglasses she was wearing pushed up on her head.

“Here, this is for you.  It’s your costume.  You might want it, for when your sentence is up, because you should probably just toss those clothes.”

Didactic handed the Violet Viper a brown paper sack, gingerly avoiding touching the woman.

The sun had finally set, and all four super-powered women were standing on the roof of the police station in the dark.  Jenny pointed at the roof access door a few feet away.

“They’re expecting you.  Now no monkey business, and remember, a full confession.  Don’t forget that Traffic King junk either!  Anyway, next time you’re in town, let us know.  I’m sure we’d love to get together.  Catch you later!”

At that moment, all three of the heroines left the rooftop, either leaping, flying, or simply vanishing into the night.

The Violet Viper trudged over to the police station door clutching her paper bag carefully from the top.  Right on schedule, the door opened inward, spilling light out onto the roof and revealing a burly detective with an amused expression.

The detective suspected the supervillain patiently waiting to be arrested was probably quite gorgeous, but it was kind of hard to tell.  All he could easily make out was a pair of bright blinking green eyes, set in a figure so utterly soaked in thick green slime that, for an instant, the detective thought she might have been made of the stuff.

Wordlessly, the resigned villainess handed the detective her bagged costume, before she seeped through the rumpled paper.  Stepping into the police station, she began slowly making her way down the stairs, leaving a trailing puddle of slime in her wake.

The detective was still standing on the landing.  Shutting the door to the roof, he turned to his voluntary prisoner and scratched his beard.

“So.  Did you at least learn your lesson?”

Pausing on the stairs, the Violet Viper twisted around to face the police officer, her slimy matted hair swinging heavily.  A glob of green goop dripped off her nose as she gazed thoughtfully at the question.

“Yeah.  Next time, steal a faster getaway car…”

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The NEW Get Your Own Back – Series 3: Episode 4

This story is purely a work of fiction. It does NOT describe real events and the characters are fictional. Any resemblance to real events or persons is coincidence. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is purely a work of fiction for personal enjoyment. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. In keeping with its fictional nature, the events and activities described in the story may not be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

And here it is, the next episode! You didn’t have to wait long at all! You won’t for the next either. Now this is going to be featuring a few ‘modifications’ to the Gunk Dunk, and a couple of new messy games in the usual slotsw, something to look forward to for you. Enjoy!

As I like to remind anyone who doesn’t know, the adults, reasons and even the kids are all created by two of your fellow readers.

ALL GAMES AND THE GUNK DUNK QUESTIONS ARE DECIDED WITH A COIN TOSS. The only part that is not, is “—”, as that’s like a personal ‘Goo Who’ for myself based on the case put forward from the lovely readers. Now, over to Dave…

The camera whizzed around the audience, who were all kids cheering as the familiar tune played out. It finally spun round toward the gunk dunk set, quickly passing it and then toward the middle of the floor again where a figure had suddenly appeared. It was of course the God of Gunge himself and he was standing, folding his arms and simply nodding in a ‘cool’ fashion as the camera came up to greet him.

“My name is Dave Benson Phillps and I’m on a mission! A mission to see that every gruesome grownup ends up in a big tank of gruesome gunge. Oh yes! This is Get Your Own Back!”

The titles rolled on as always. The last episode had been rated highly, like most others and Dave felt that some minor changes where helping the show along. He was looking forward the episode as there were two new games he had implemented this week, one of them which would alternatively swap back and forth with ‘Pie Jinks’. It was in an aim to freshen up the show before it got too boring. He’d even managed a way to make the Gunk Dunk worse, and was eager to see it happen. it was promising to be pretty messy. The titles, which now featured a few of the recent ladies during the games ended and Dave came running on from the side.

“Welcome back to another episode of GYOB, where the games are fun, contestants are in power and the adults get very messy! Oh yeah, we have a great show coming up for you today, a couple of new games, and also – what is going on with the Gunk Dunk behind me, take a look, look!”

Dave grabbed the camera for a moment and lifted it slightly to look over his shoulder, whilst still able to look into it a little. The only part of the Gunk Dunk stage itself that was visible, was half of the gunge tank. The rest was covered in curtains and a sign which read, “EW! Find out later what’s happening!” across the curtains. Dave nudged the camera back.

“Now what is going on there? Well I can’t reveal much until we get there later on, oh no, however I will say that it is being made a lot worse. It’s being made more messier and potentially more humiliating for our adults. But who are the two adults who will find themselves over it later? Time to meet the teams!”

Dave backed up, hand held out his right hand.

“Please welcome 10 year old Adrian for the yellows! And for the blues, 11 year old Mable!”

Dave then held out his left hand. Both kids came running in, Adrian the shorter with slightly scruffy hair of a brown colour. Mable was a little taller, with long hair which was a darker shade of brown, nearly black. Both of them waved and Dave turned to Adrian  first.

“Adrian who do you want to get your own back on?”

“A family friend and actress at my theatre school. She’s a right drama queen but also a right stinker.”

“I see, let’s have a look at your letter here…”

Dear Dave…

Please help me to get my own back on Mei, she’s such a pain! We both go to the same theatre and she lives nearby so she always gives me a lift but she wears so much perfume that it stinks out the car and I can’t breath! Then when I get there she always sits near me and all I can smell is her pongy perfume! Its meant to smell nice but its just a choking cloud of icky flowers and everyone else is sick of it too! Help me give Mei a good gunging so that I can smell the sweet smell of success for a change!

Adrian

“Hang on a moment…”

Dave pulled out three clothes pegs, putting one on his nose and giving one each to Adrian and Mable.

“One for you, and you…OK lads, bring in that wiffy woman!”

The crew rolled in a cart this week, instead of a cage. On the cart was an old fashioned pillory. The 28 year old actress was of Chinese decent, and was rather petite for her age, although she was bent over anyway in the pillory. She had shoulder length black hair, which was neatly styled with a white polka dotted red headband on her forehead. She had a slim but cute looking figure, her breasts were small but her rear was nice and round. She was wearing shorts, her legs thin yet smooth, well kept after. She was wearing black nail polish, and flexing her long slim fingers. Her face was cute, and the cheeks only slightly chubby. She was pulling a very dramatic looking crying face and could be heard well before Dave spoke up, protesting.

“Ugh! No! NO! AGHH!”

“Alright, alright, stop! Stop, stop, stop! Mei! Mei-Ling! Oi, hush! Thank you, right! My goodness. Mei-Ling, may I call you Mei? Haha! OK enough of that. I have to say Mei, you really do smell very fresh and like a flower patch indeed, but it’s a bit overwhelming surely!”

Mei spoke with a soft and quiet voice, with a hint of an accent in.

“But it’s a good thing to smell nice! It’s never too much and it makes people think a lot better of me if I’m fresh as a daisy Dave! Honestly it does!”

“Well it doesn’t for Adrian! Ohhh, I think you’re trying to play the innocent with me here.”

Mei looked away and giggled, and looked back at Dave fluttering her eyebrows. She was clearly overreacting, as she did do often with being an actress.

“I am innocent Dave. All I’m doing is making myself better to smell for everyone, doing them a  big favour and what do I get? Being brought on this sh – UMPH!”

Dave had handed a yellow cloth to Adrian, who straight away stuck it in the poor girls mouth. Mei screamed a little through the cloth and shook her head, looking all around.

“Oh you get a cloth, that’s what! Adrian, I do sympathise with you, is it really that bad?”

“She once spent 4 minutes spraying a can of deodorant on herself in the car. I was there and it was overwhelming. I think she’s in the right place for a fragrance change.”

At this, Mei stopped stuggling, her eyes opening wide at this comment. Although overreacting, there was some genuine fear in her eyes, as smelling fresh was always at the top of her agenda.

“She certainly is! OK Mable, welcome to GYOB, who is that you’re hoping to cover in gunge later on?”

“My annoyingly obsessed music tutor, blegh. Her name is Kirsten.”

“I see, well here is your letter. Let’s have a read of it…”

Dear Dave,

My name is Mable and I want to get my own back on my guitar tutor Kirsten Daniels. She is totally obsessed with what she thinks is the best band ever: Black Veil Brides. She wears t-shirts with them on, she sings their songs, she dresses like them, does her hair like them, wears makeup like them, she even knows how to play all their songs and makes me learn them! I can’t take it anymore! She’s 21 but acts like the girls at my school do about One Direction! I want to learn real rock, metal and grunge, so send Kirsten into the gunge!

Mable

“OK fellas, bring her in – oh my word!”

The crew rolled out a cart, which had Kirsten stuck inside a pillory like Mei. Inside it was 21 year old Kirsten, however her face was covered through the hole of the pillory with all her hair, which was black and looked as though it was from the 80’s. Her arms that stuck out through the holes though were quite pale. She was bent over in the pillory, but it was easy to make out that she had a curvy figure. Her chest, although hard to make out was of a nice size, as was her rear behind her. Her leggings were hugging her legs and rear tightly. As the cart came to a stop, Dave walked forward.

“Oh my, no, no. We need to be able to see your face Kirsten!”

He walked in front of the pillory and cleaned her hair up a little out of her face, and stepped away. Her face, along with arms, were also quite pale but due to some foundation, it looked even paler than her arms. She was wearing black eyeliner, along with glossy black lipstick and nail polish, making her eyes instantly noticeable as they were large, green and quite beautiful. Her hair was a little cleaner at her sides now and not as scruffy thanks to Dave, but it was clearly dyed liquorice black and styled like a throwback to the rockstars of the 80’s to reflect her tastes. As Dave spoke, she was pulling a fierce looking face at her young adversary.

“There we – ARGH! Should have left her hair covering her face, she looks set to rip me and Mable here to shreds! Kirsten, you’re obsessed with this rock band then but do you really have to imitate them and make poor Mable have to learn all of their -“

“Absolutely. They’re the best band in the world, and they should be worshipped. In fact Mable is worshipping them by learning the songs.”

“Well if you say so. Mable, is she ok as a music teacher usually though?”

“She would be ok, if she didn’t obsess and make me learn rubbish songs from the band she is obsessed with. Oh Dave it’s not fair at all.”

“Yes it is, you should be grateful that – what do you think you’re – mmmppphhh!”

Dave had sneered as he handed Mable a blue cloth, with she then stuffed into the mouth of Kirsten, who shook her head from side to side violently in frustration at the two of them.

“There we go, bit of silence! Hahaha! Over the course of the show our two young contestants will be playing some great games, trying to get as many points as they can, whilst their two adults will be trying to stop that from happening. There’s also going to be a chance to get to know our contestants more too. But we are all here for this! Follow me over here!”

Dave led the camera toward the Gunk Dunk set, stopping at the side. Despite the curtains covering up whatever work was going on behind, half of the tank was visible. This week it was fully up to the brim. Dark purple was its main theme, but there was a really thick load of white swirls around it. The gunge itself seemed to be full of a bubbly texture, and small pea sized lumps, giving it a horrible new look. Dave picked up a hose and began shooting out a thick stream of yellow sludge from it, which heavily splashed into the gunge.

“This here is the Gunk Dunk. It’s been roasting under the studio lights for a long time now, baking it to make it even fouler! It’s now deeper in places, meaning one of those two women over there are going to find it hard not to sink under a few times! We also have a few new features for it, but I can only tell you one right now – a load of relatable substances, nasty ones at that will play a part for our adults! That’s only one improvement, stay tuned till the end though to see the rest of the features! Oh, put a lot of this yellow gunge in there by mistake…well, I say mistake! Maybe not!”

Dave backed up and walked toward the teams, as the camera quickly took a close up of the gunge. It was now looking even more unpleasant. The purple and white swirl pattern now had a dense puddle of yellow in to its corner, which were mixing horrible with the goo, and looked to almost be floating on the surface. It cut to show the teams and Dave.

“Cannot wait for that gunge later on. And I bet you Mei and Kirsten really can’t wait to fall right into that tank later on and be embarrassed in front of the whole nation! Well, maybe they can! But now it’s time for the first game!”

Dave stuck up his hands and laughed as the title card flashed on.

- Round 1: Make The Cake! -

The camera swung in to show Dave stood between both Adrian and Mable. Both were wearing aprons and were rearing to go. Behind them was some sort of course, but Dave wasn’t allowing a peak for a moment.

“Welcome to the GYOB bakery for a brand new game! Now we usually make big cakes from scratch here, plus one adult, however this time the cakes are made already! Now what both Adrian and Mable have to do is take these large pink bows here, and run through the course, placing the bows onto the cake. There are 6 places for the bows, and then we can ice the cakes. Bit weird to do that, but this is GYOB and we make our cakes differently!”

The camera began to pan up, in the distance showing two adult sized sponge coloured wedding cake props. As the camera zoomed in though, it was evident who the cakes were for. Each one was on a circle turntable, both were not really cakes, but were made out of foam. Strapped in though were the adults. On the left, Mei was waving her hand’s through to wholes in the sides, smiling widely over to the Dave and the contestants. On the right though, Kirsten was pulling a really sulky expression, not moving her hands. Both of their heads and necks stuck out the top of the cake, which had three tiers like round steps.

“There are our cakes! Mei, you look a bit happy in your new role!”

“I think it’s fun!”

“Oh well you do now, but you won’t soon because as soon as either Adrian or Mable stick all their bows to the cakes, their adult themed cake will be risen up a bit into the air, and a large funnel right above them is going to ‘ice’ one of them with bright pink! They do however have a couple of small icing water pistols to use against the kids. Looking forward to it now Mei?”

Mei had suddenly pulled and expression of terror and didn’t answer, whilst Kirsten looked a little shocked that this could happen.

“Kirsten, you like pink don’t you?”

“THIS IS BARBARIC! And no. Too bright and girlie.”

Dave laughed, and without further ado, counted down the game to start as both contestants pinked up a bow and navigated through the tables, which were all laden with props of cakes and pies, muffins and drinks. Both kids were evenly matched as they ran through, and both more or less stuffed the bows onto the cake props at the same time, some velcro helping them stick. Both took a bit of a spattering from the adults as they made their way back for another bow. Once again, they both got a spattering and were evenly matched as they ran through the course to place their second bows on the cakes.

“Brand new game here at Get Your Own Back, and I really cannot wait for one of these adults to get covered. It’s really great icing we have for them, they’re going to plastered! But both of the kids have placed their third bows on the cakes by the look of it. I have no idea who will win this, Adrian or Mable! Here we go, both coming back for their 4th bows now. And there they go again, back through the maze of tables.”

Dave laughed as Adrian got splattered on his chest from Mei, but placed the bow on the cake anyway. Mable did the same, also taking some goo to the back of her head from one of Kirsten’s icing filled pistols. Both got their 5th bow and began to run back, still evenly matched, although the person to place theres first was Adrian.

“There we go, both of them are going back for the 6th and final – OH NO! Adrian’s slipped! Oh no!”

Adrian had indeed slipped on some stray icing on the floor. Mei was laughing like crazy, cheering slightly too. Her cake wobbled a little, as though she may have been doing some sort of small dance inside of the cake prop. Adrian though picked himself up, unharmed but now behind Mable who already had her bow and was turning.

“Now we secretly told the kids where the 6th bow is meant to be placed, and you will like this now as she runs towards Kirsten and…plonk! HAHAHA!”

Mable reached up the cake and placed the bright pink bow firmly into the black and stylish hair of Kirsten, who simply opened her mouth in wide shock. She continued to keep her mouth open in an ‘O’ as it was fitted, and Mable climbed off. The cake suddenly wobbled though as the klaxon went, and it rose up, Kirsten rising up with it as she helplessly looked from left to right.

“uuuhh…uhh…woah..”

The turntable came to a stop, and it slowly began to rotate, the cake on top doing the same. Kirsten looked nervously above her, and braced herself. Knowing the risk though, she decided to look up at the large funnel, and cringed, though a little bit of her excited in truth.

“Nnnnggghhhh – NOO – UGH -“

There was a splurging sound and a cascade of pink gunge dropped down in a large stream onto the wannabe rockstar, splashing right into her gawping, terrified face. As she yelled, she was silenced as she took a mouthful f the stuff. It continued to rain down, covering her black hair, and the cake prop around her. It was really thick, and her head was left as a pink blob on top of a nearly fully coated cake. From behind her plastering she pulled another big ‘O’ and let out a huge groan as the pink began to slowly stop to a steady drip that spattered on her head.

“Ohhhhh ughhh.”

The base continued to rotate. the gunge spattered prop and tutor helplessly turning with it. She felt the stuff sticking to her every feature, and was aware of all the eyes in the audience on her. She felt her cheeks burning up, but was smiling a tiny bit. It had been an experience most certainly. On the ground Dave and the kids where now stood, alongside the Mei cake looking up at the spectacle.

“That was brilliant! Haha, Mable, you got all 6 bows placed onto the cake before it was decorated, well done, 60 points! And Adrian you only for the 5, but it’s a good score of 50 points!”

Above them, the cake was still slowly turning, small groans and sighs of disgust coming from Kirsten, large mound of the pink having collected on top of Kirsten’s head.

“Mable do you think pink is her colour?”

“Definitely, she looks all pretty!”

This cued another groan and a defeated sounding Kirsten.

“You better watch it…eww.”

Dave laughed and looked at the camera.

“Well that was great, but next up, is my bit on the side!”

Dave’s Bit On The Side: Yellows

The camera panned down to show Dave sitting in between the yellow team, in front of the Gunk Dunk as it had been like last time. Mei was sitting, holding her hands in front of her legs, which were being shown of nicely in the close up of all three of them. Adrian was at the other side of Dave happily smiling at the camera. The curtains were still up on the gunge though, as Dave turned back to the camera.

“I cannot wait for later! Now, there is a bit of a strong smell here but I can’t decide if it’s you Mei, fresh as daisy’s, or this stuff behind us, which is smelling a bit like gardening compost right now. Hm, not sure! This is the part where I get to have some fun now though, I’m going to find out a little more about you two. I’m going to ask you Adrian a couple of questions and answer as honestly as you can, alright? Mei, prepared to be embarassed!”

Mei pulled a really pouty look as Dave turned to Adrian.

“OK Adrian, now you and Mei both go to a theatre school, correct? Good, now why don’t you tell us what role she played in a production at Christmas?”

Mei folded her arms and sighed heavily with another pout.

“It was so funny! So it was the Christmas story, as we do each year. I was one of the wise men of course, my best friend Alex was Joseph, and we all had really normal roles. But we had all voted for Mei to have a really silly role and she ended up playing the donkey! It was even funnier because she had to lie in a load of hay which she said was smelly, and of course she hates it when things aren’t fresh! It didn’t smell, she was just being a drama queen, but she was really embarrassed and it was hilarious!”

Dave turned to a very red Mei, grinning like mad.

“EEE-AWW! So you played the donkey did you? Were you not born to play the role?”

“Oh…shut up Dave! It wasn’t funny it was really mean!”

Dave simply laughed at this along with Adrian and turned back to him.

“I’m looking at her in a new light now Adrian! Thank’s for that! That’s not all that went on though is it? You once did an original theatre musical didn’t you? And she was cast as Kylie wasn’t she?”

“Yeah we did, but God, her singing was terrible.”

Mei sighed again.

“Wasn’t that bad.”

“I think we should be a the judge of that see we actually have a video of -“

“WHAT -NO.”

“A video of that singing, let’s take a look!”

The video started and showed Mei dressed up in a white Kylie outfit, and singing ‘Can’t get you out of my head’. She was dancing around the stage, and the singing was awful. It continued on until it finally came to an end. Mei was covering her face, embarrassed fully on national TV.

“Adrian thank you so much for that – and you get a bit of a prize. See, because you made us all laugh, I’m going to give you the chance to have Mei embarrass herself a little more for us – Mei, you have to stand up and sing for us m’dear, if not 20 points are added for Adrian!”

Mei let her arms fall loose and pull a really pouty and over exaggerated ‘Do I have to?’ face at Dave. She then stood up and began to sing the song as she had in the video. The audience around cracked up laughing and then began to boo. After 30 seconds or so, Dave decided enough was enough and asked her to sit back down. As soon as she did she threw her face forward and buried it in her knees, not bearing to look at the audience. She was smiling a little at the humiliation and attention though.

“Fantastic! Some say I’m a bit mean, but I’m only serving justice! Thank you for that Mei, and thank you very much Adrian for those tales! Time for the next round!”

- Round 2: “Slime Wall” -

The camera focused in on Dave, standing on a large blue inflatable. In the middle was a wall with yellow counters on, and to either side of him, attached to bungie cords where the yellows. Behind both Mei and Adrian however was another wall for each. Mei’s was bare, and Adrian’s full of yellow counters. Below each of their walls was a small shallow ditch however, filled with green slime. Dave stood by the low wall in the middle, already filled with a few counters and spoke.

“Another old classic with a twist now on Get Your Own Back. It’s fairly simple, all Adrian has to do is pull counters from his wall, run over to this small wall, and put them on it. Mei on the other hand has to try and take the counters from this small wall and put them onto the one behind her. It’s 10 points for each counter left on this small wall in the middle in the end! Both of you had best avoid that bit of slime though, hahaha! Ready, 3, 2, 1, GOOO!”

Dave shouted as he ran off. Both ran toward the small wall quickly, Mei got there first, pulling a counter off and then bounced back, keeping her balance. Adrian however also kept his balance and plonked a counter on the wall. Both of them did this another three times or so as Dave spoke.

“Great start from both of these two here, they are doing a great job at avoiding the ditch of slime! Mei now takes another off the wall as Adrian puts one back on – OH! She’s tripped a little though, and again! She can’t keep her balance! Adrian has placed another on the wall though.”

Mei was beside herself in laughter as she stood up and bounced, balancing. She gathered herself though and ran back toward the wall, taking a counter as she did. Adrian was focused and took another off the wall.

“This is going to be close you know, Mei has been doing a good job I have to say!”

She ran up to the wall again, just as Adrian did, however this time she stretched a bit too far, and half screamed, half laughed as she was pulled back. She did a backward roll and continued to laugh, however as she stood, she slipped slightly into the ditch, her left leg getting a spattering of green. She pulled a face and stuck her tongue out, as Adrian placed another counter on the wall just before the klaxon went.

“Hold your horses guys! Woah!”

Dave bounced onto the inflatable, suddenly tripping slightly near to the wall. This coursed huge laughter from everyone, but he stood back up and pointed to some in the audience.

“HEY! Watch it! You’re on my show now, so watch it! Hahey, here we go let’s count these…1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7…and 8, good score, 80 points!”

Adiran cheered loudly and jumped a few times, whereas Mei, out of the ditch now, stuck her thumbs down and pouted, bouncing slighty.

It was now the turn of the blues, and Dave was bouncing again in the middle ready to start it off. Kirsten looked ready for action, her hair now clean and slightly damp looking after its wash. She scowled at her young opponent, Mable, who was nodding and smiling, ready to go herself. Both ran in evenly as Dave ran off and shouted for the game to begin.

“OK, blue team now, and again both of these two are evenly paced – OH! Maybe not, Mable has taken a bit of a tumble into the ditch already, yuck! She’s pulled herself out though, woop, bit slippy still, but she’s going back to the wall, Kirstens taken a few off now though.”

Kirsten was going at a good pace, and had already stepped in the ditch once however, but she didn’t seem too phased by this. She ran back to the wall, pulling a counter off and doing a backward roll, unable to keep her balance. She rolled onto her feet swiftly from it though and stuck her counter on the wall, and ran back. Mable however fell in the ditch again, this time causing her front and knees to get covered in goo.

“A lot more tripping up in this round more than the last with the yellows by the looks of it, but Mable is still trying to get those last few counters onto the wall, and the audience are cheering and counting her down I think!”

Mable once again tripped however at the wall as Kirsten pulled off one more,v before the klaxon sounded and once again, Dave Benson Phillips clumsily bounced to the wall from the side.

“Alright good game, good game! Mable, you didn’t come here to get messy yourself you know!”

“I know…it was just…was…agh…slippy!”

She smiled at him and tried to catch her breath, whilst on the other side, Kirsten watched on with her hands on her hips, smiling at her work.

“I better count these up…1, 2, 3, 4…good score there, 40 points!”

Mable cheered nonetheless, but curiously, so did Kirsten. She knew she had done well and was feeling proud for herself, feeling she might boast it to Mable during the break in rounds.

“So what are the scores looking like right now? Well the blues on a good looking 100, but the yellows are now ahead with a smashing 130 points!”

- Round 3: “Pointless Preparation” – (AKA Goo Who)

Dave was shown walking toward the edge of the Gunk Dunk with both Mei and Kirsten. The camera looked to be on the surface, as it sometimes had been in the past, and was looking up at them. Dave was grinning like a cheshire cat, holding his arms on both of the girls shoulders. Mei had her hand over her mouth and nose, as though trying not to catch something from the gunge, whereas Kirsten had her arms folded and looked like she was doing her best not to let Dave or the gunge bother her.

“Ahh yes, I love the smell of gunge and fear in the morning! What do you think girls, horrid enough for  -“

“YES!”

“AGH- WHAT, OHH, WHAT!”

The audience laughed as Dave jumped into the air and suddenly hid behind Kirsten, who smiled and rolled her eyes. he could have been startled half genuinely becuase Mei had screeched her answer right to Dave, and giggled as he cowered.

“OK, OK, Kirsten what about you?”

With her arms still folded, Kirsten peered down and shrivelled her nose up at it and looked behind her at Dave, half smiling.

“I’ve seen worse.”

Dave came out from behind her and looked at her shocked.

“You’re lying!”

“Not!”

“Yes you are! Well I’ll tell you what, do you want me to unviel the even worse set up we have -“

“NO-“

“WAGHH!”

Dave once again jumped at Mei’s reaction and ran off toward the cameras near where the round was to take place, the audience laughing as the big kid continued to yell in fright, but managed to speak too.

“Let’s get started, come on you two come on!”

The two girls came to Dave’s side as he smiled and played to the camera.

“Now of course we’re shaking things up today with new features that will run aside with previous ones sometimes which we already have, and one is this new idea from me – to prepare our adults for the gunge, oh yes!”

Dave looked at both of the girls and pulled a face at the camera.

“No cheering from you two I see! But, before I explain, I think this week, instead of both being against each other in this part I think you should both protest your innocence. So Mei, let’s start with you, that’s your cameras over there. Go!”

The camera closed in on Mei, who pulled an exasperated and desperate face.

“PLEAAAAASSSEEE let me go home clean! I do not deserve to go in that gunge! It’s a good thing to smell nice, everyone loves it! It makes them feel happy around me! But if you gunge me, I will not smell nice like I did and that will make everyone sad. PLEASE -“

The Klaxon went but she carried on.

“I don’t wanna go in, or near it, I don’t wanna -“

“TIME UP MEI! Stop, ok thank you! Very pleading there indeed. OK, your chance Kirsten, go!”

The camera focused in on her and Kirsten unfolded her arms, pointing at the camera.

“I’ve been made into a cake today already, and humiliated for it, just for the love of good music. I do not deserve to be here. I’ve committed no crime at all – NONE! So don’t hope for me to be gunged, it’s not going to be any worse than it already has been. I’m not going into the gunge, MEI WILL BE. She deserves to get a new makeover, AM I RIGHT?”

The audience cheered with this, and it sounded like a politician pleasing a rally as they also clapped too. Mei was looked around them and held her hands in a bunch to her chest and shook her head, trying to look sorry for herself. Dave was laughing and also had to clap himself, in terms of protests, it was one of the strongest he had heard.

“OK, well..ah…wow. Right, how to follow that up. Right uh…well, if you want to see Mei in that gunge, shout and – oh well, my goodness. My. Goodness.”

It sounded like every single person in the studio was cheering for the aspiring actress to be in the gunge later on. And all she did was cup her hands over her mouth at the volume of noise. Kirsten was looking happy and she was clapping, smiling evilly over to Mei.

“OK, thank you everyone thank you…I don’t know if there much point in this, but if you want to see Kirsten in the gunge, cheer and shout now!”

The room was more or less dead, except for a frustrated shout coming from Mei.

“I think that settles it. OK! Mei, I’m going to have you prepare a little for the gunge later in case you end up going in. So, to do that I need help. Bring her in lads!”

The crew wheeled in a large red dunk tank. There was no netting over the front though, but the res looked like an bog-standard fair ground attraction. A large red bucket shaped tank was filled with water, and just water, and to the side was a small red and white target. They placed it behind the three of them and Dave took Mei’s hand.

“Now in order to prepare you a little we’ve filled this up with water and it’s a bit cold too. It’s like gunge, but not gunge! So I’ll let you just get settled up there Mei…”

Mei reluctantly went to the side and climbed up and onto the seat, and whipped her feet over the edge and into the tank. Her feet touched the water but straight away she pulled them up, right to her chest and held her hands by her ankles.

“Right Kirsten, you have three balls there. Now, if you hit the target with the first ball, 30 points will go to the yellows. If you hit it with the second, then 20 points. The last, 10 points, you get the idea? Just think, how badly do you want to heighten Mei’s chances of -“

“Very. Can I go?”

“Oh, uh well, yeap! 3, 2, 1, GO!”

Mei wimpered audibly as Kirsten lined up her first shot and threw. Mei shut her eyes tight and held her nose, but the ball missed. Mei realised this and relaxed quickly, taking her hand from  her nose and opening her eyes. As soon as she did though there was a clang and the seat fell from under her. There was a quick, small scream as Mei fell, her hands thrown up into the air and her legs flailing out in front of her from their held up position. There was a loud splash as the actress fell right in and disappeared into the cold water. In the window, her two legs were up above her eye level, kicking a couple of times, and Mei herself in the tank was holding her breath, her nose now held again and cheeks puffed out. She regained her balance and came to the window for a moment, opening her eyes and shooting upward.

“Nooo! It’s freezinggg! UGH!”

“Well done Kirsten! Oh Mei certainly made some waves there, 20 points go to the yellow team now, increasing their score to 150!”

“Thanks Dave, that was fun can I have another go -“

“NO!”

Dave for third time in so many minutes jumped as the sopping wet Mei protested. Her hair was now waterlogged, but held back due to her headband. The little makeup she had on was ruined and a little of her light eyeliner was starting to trickle down her cheeks. Her top was dripping and clinging to her body, and in the window, her legs were on display with her slightly loose shorts billowing slightly in the tank.

“MEI! Stop doing that!”

She smiled a little and shrugged.

“Blimey, I need to have more of my bit on the side to recover I think, that’s coming up next!”

Dave’s Bit On The Side: Blues

As earlier, Dave now sat in between the blues, the Gunk Dunk behind them sill mostly behind a curtain. Mable was smiling broadly, whereas her tutor Kirsten was leaning forward, watching the cameras, Dave and Mable with a slight smile that sort of told them, ‘Let’s get this out the way quick.’

“OK here I am now with the blue team, Mable and of course our troublesome tutor Kirsten. Did you enjoy that last bit though Kirsten?”

“Of course I did, great fun to have someone else get tortured and me to be able to do it.”

“Are you turning a little bit evil there?”

“Nooo, course not.”

Dave eyes Kirsten suspiciously and continued.

“Well it’s not a chance for Mable to a little bit evil now, as I have a couple of questions for her, and just be warned this could be awkward for you Kirsten – GOOD! OK Mable, now you often go around to Kirsten’s house to try and practice, but what happened on the first day back after Christmas?”

“THis is so funny actually! I went into her front room and she told me we would soon be practising more Black Veil Brides – ugh – and she went out for a few minutes to get her guitar. But there was a yell suddenly, so thinking she was hurt I went to see what was up, but I nearly fell over laughing. Her baby brother had thrown up all over her best t-shirt, the one of BvB! It was hilarious and she had to wash it whilst I was there and the stain would not come out!”

Dave was laughing along with the audience, some of which going ew.

“Eurgh! That’s horrible, have you worn it again Kirsten?”

“What do you think Phillips.”

“Oh, well pardon me! That’s brilliant though! Now Mable you played a practical joke on her didn’t you recently?”

“Well she made me sit all day and listen to more of her boring bands, and even sang to them. So the next time I went round, I swapped all her Cds and music quickly to One Directions, JLS and The Wanted. I acted innocent and blamed her other little brother. She wasn’t happy. I did a deal with her little brother though to play One Direction non-stop whilst she was giving my lesson and she was so grossed out by the end of it.”

“I see, do you like a bit of 1D then Kirsten?”

“What. Do. You. Think.”

Dave pulled out though from his pocket an iPod and ear phones and Kirsten looked down. Immediatley she put her hands over her face.

“Oh NO.”

“Oh yes! Here put these on…that’s it…and I’m going to press play now and let you listen to that!”

The audience cheered as Kirsten pulled a big grimace as the boy band blared into her ears. She soon put her face in her hands as she sat and listened to the singing. Dave grinned like a Cheshire cat again as Mable happily watched and everyone started to sing along to the song that must have been playing in her ears. After a few moments Dave took them off her and spoke.

“Oh I think you’ve had enough of that. Best get on now though with our last game!”

- Round 4: “Bedroom Banter” -

“This is our final game and we’re here a big bedroom made for two! As you can see, we have two toy boxes over here full of toys! Our two kids easy enough have to pick up one of the toys…run over here… and now, make sure they avoid these two clowns!”

Dave slowly walked in between both the girls, who were inside what looked like wobbling rolling pins, their heads sticking out with a hat on each. Dave played to the audience and gave a good push to each of them. Both ladies simply smiled and looked helplessly around as he continued.

“So be careful of our clowns, and go through here to these boxes, where should deposit their toys! It’s 10 points for each toy in these boxes. Now this is the last game so everything counts! 3, 2, 1, go!”

Dave ran off as the two kids picked up toys and ran in through the clowns. Dave stood to the side and watched for a moment. He was content with how the new segments had gone, and was looking forward to the finale. He looked to the Gunk Dunk, still shrouded in mystery for everyone else, but to him he was happy to be bringing back some classic features and brand new ones to the set. Already both kids had now put two toys in their boxes. He couldn’t help but start with an evil laugh as he spoke.

“Aaaahahaa, the game before the gunge, this is always where we see the biggest surprises. But there is one big surprise coming and let me tell you. both of our kids will want to do their best tom make sure their adults suffer. Rightly so! Both are evenly matched now though, and our two clowns are swaying away like mad!”

Both the kids raced back through the clowns and still looked to be even, both getting their fourth toys now. But as they started back, Mable dropped her, putting her only a step behind. Dave picked up on this as he spoke. But they were still quite evenly matched as they ran back through the clowns to get their 5th.

“You know there’s very similar speed from these two, and a lot of determination. The same cannot be said from our clowns…but mind you, oh…OH! And looks at that, Kirsten has completely knocked Mable to the ground, oh no! Mable is just getting up now, but she’s got to back for another toy – that’s put her behind now as Adrian has just deposited his 6th!”

She went back for another toy just as Adrian came back for his, and both ran through the clowns one final time as the countdown began. They both deposited their toys just as the klaxon sounded out, and Dave came running in.

“You know what, Kirsten you have been so mean today throughout the show you really have! My word! And as for you Mei, you’re run in with water earlier seems to have slowed you down! Now both of you, shove off! AHAHAHA!”

Dave proudly pushed the ladies again in their clown suits and walked over to Adrian.

“OK Adrian I’m going to count your toys…1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7! 70 points, well done there! OK, going to run over here…running, running…so much running, here I am! Mable, time to count yours, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6! A fantastic, 60 points!”

Both the kids cheered along with the audience as Dave looked at the camera.

“So these are the final scores, the blues are 160 but going into the Gunk Dunk in the lead is the yellows with 220!”

Dave cheered for the teams and ran into the camera as it cut.

– The Gunk Dunk –

(Teased it during the show and here it is, a messier gunge. Although my series is based on GYOB, I’ve recently been making it more of my own spiritual revival series, so that is why it’s got a lot ofd new features never dreamt of on the original show.)

Dave stood in the middle of the two teams as of course he wanted to highlight the changes and features made to the set behind them. He was rubbing his hands together as he did and smiled down into the camera.

“Now we have had a fun show today, and theres been some great new things, but one thing has been teased all the way through! Oh yes! We have revised some aspect of our famous Gunk Dunk, making it worse fo any adult positions above it! Now in terms of looks, it still looks very familiar as you will see, but the changes are there, I promise you! Everyone ready? Let’s have a look!”

Dave turned and so did the others as he held his hands up.

“Unveil it guys!”

The curtain rolled up and the set was revealed. As Dave had said, it looked familiar as always; the two ramps pointing down with chairs on, with of course the platform at the top which stretched a coupe of meters from the edge. The gunge of course was down below, but had the base had been modified so that the middle a foot or so deeper than the rest, in hopes that an adult would submerge once more into the gunge. The changes that could be seen though were mainly above, three buckets overlooked each ramp, all blue, yellow and green. At the bottom of the ramp, two poles stretched upward, and right above the gunge, angled downward were four large troughs, with a gap in the middle. It aimed to make the experience messier, with not only gunge now being offered. Dave and the producers had taken a while to implement it, but decided that the revival series could do with a little bit more than just gunge in the finale.

“Oh yes, feast your eyes upon it ladies! It’s more horrible and daunting than ever! Now of you go to sit up there!”

The camera panned out and then cut as they moved to the sides reluctantly.

The camera cut back in to a close up of the surface of the gunge. As it pulled away, it’s lumpy texture was ever so slightly moving. The purple surface was mixed with large swirls of white as before, but in one corner a load of yellow was seeping toward the middle, some of it having gown a greenish colour after mixing with the rest of the gunge. In the middle was a small puddle of red, with white rings indicating a target for the adults. it was very mix matched but overall bright for a change, looking like a classic 90s Gunk Dunk.

Both Mei and Kirsten were now seated, above it. The chairs were much lower than they had been in the past, in fact they were only centimetres away by the look of it. This was for the chairs to sling their opponents as close as possible to the surface for total immersion, as if it never happened anyway, however an abundance of old GYOB clips had made Dave weary and not letting partial immersion ever happen again. Mei had both of her delicate legs and feet placed right next to each other, and was huddled up sitting on the seat. She had black nail polish on her feet, and was backing them from the edge as much as possible. Because she was a little smaller than some adults were, she was able to place her hands on the seat to either side. She was looking down at the gunge, her face downturned in a terrified and sulky looking expression, and once or twice turned away, covering her mouth. It made her cringe, and huddle a bit more. Although the gunge wasn’t as strong this time in smell as previous episodes, it still wasn’t pleasant and for a lady who prided herself on smelling of roses, she wasn’t ready for this at all.

Kirsten however looked a little more relaxed. She had her hands calmly in her lap, and had a sneering face on at her student, and Dave. When she looked at the gunge though, it sent a couple of shivers down her back and a pit in her stomach. Although it looked vile and horrible to touch, she was slightly looking forward to the finale. She liked the attention, playing up as a mean tutor, and somehow in the back of her mind a little bit of her wanted to end up in the gunge. She decided to dip her right foot into the gunge, and was met with a weird sensation. It felt like lots of little peas all covered in a thick soup, but it was cool to touch. Not freezing, but still cold. She pulled it back out again, and noticed some of it sticking, dripping and stringing back to the goo. She bit her lip and felt her stomach have butterflies again. She didn’t think it would be all that bad if she ended up in there.

“Here we are, both of our adults poised ready for a trip into our very vile tip. Tip of disgusting, slimy and sticky mess here. Now theres one or two improvements I will say which regards you both, if you look to your sides please ladies, you will notice that at the bottom of the ramp where you are, two poles are on either side. We have filled it with all the used and rotten cream from the usual pie jinks section! Oh yes, horrible! And if you look above, you see those four angled and large troughs. Now remember I said there would be relatable substances? Well in reference to Mei being a donkey at Christmas, two are filled with a load of horrible straw, and in reference to Kirsten’s favourite band, Black Veil Brides, we have filled the other two with lots of wedding cake! For the brides, get it? They will be activated later as the final layerings before we end the show, and all will be used for the losing adults so thank you for those two substance suggestions girls! And another feature that we may not see for a while, is that if an adult gets flawlessly to the top, with the other still not moved, the gunge has a built in wave machine thingy, to keep that horrid mix, and our adult churning throughout the rest of the show they’re in there!”

“Real straw!?”

“Yes Kirsten, real straw!”

Kirsten looked up and pulled a ‘that’s gross’ expression, but again felt her cheeks burn and her stomach get butterflies.

“I’ll tell you of those buckets above the ramps in a moment! But Kirsten. You always play the same boring music for Mable don’t you? But Mable also thinks it’s really bad that you dress like your favourite bands, wear makeup like them, act like them. Well you could be getting one horrible makeover and you would probably act, by screaming, like them! How do you feel?”

Excited, in truth but she looked at Mable.

“I’m really not looking forward to it. I, am not going down there at all.”

“Oh very confident isn’t she! Now Mei. I don’t think I’ve seen anyone as scared of this stuff as you are right now. You look terrified! You brought it on yourself though, wearing too much perfume, making Adrian choke on all the flowery smell – if you fall in here right, I do hope you know you won’t be smelling of roses anymore, it’s putrid it is!”

Mei kept her expression as she watched Dave and as he finished she pulled and even more painful pout at him, and looked back down at the gunge. She was very nervous, and the gunge in front of her was calm. She could make out its smell though, and even felt like she could feel the coldness of it tingling her feet. She shuddered ands shook her head, looking back at Dave.

“It’s not fair Dave, so not fair. This stuff stinks, and I don’t want to go down. I’m sorry, I really am, I’m sorry!”

“Ohhh sorry is too late, now because Adrian did so well, you’re going up one notch. Up you go Mei!”

Her seat stuttered and rolled upward and she put her hands in front of her, outstretched for a moment and a look of terror on her face for a flash of a moment as it moved. This produced giggles from the audience and Adrian. When it stopped, she resumed her sorry state as Dave continued. He then held out his hand.

“Now one last thing to explain, before I get on with these questions because I know you’re dying for me to hurry up! If there is a 60 point lead with a team, that will activate all three buckets above the ramp. A callback to the old school days as they are filled with slimey slop, horrible old school custard and R.A.W standing for really awful waste! Oh yeah! So Mei if you end up going in, it will be even worse! So as usual, I will ask five question and whoever get’s their adult right to the top, will be throwing them down into our new and improved, horrid slop! Hahahahahahahhahaha!”

Dave extended his laugh at the camera, with a big grin, his eyes shut tight, and the audience replicating his laugh too until suddenly his eyes shot wide open and he smiled.

“So finally, let’s get on with it! First question, in Wallace and Gromit, what kind of an animal is Gromit?”

Both teams were quite silent but after a moment the blue buzzer went off.

“Mable?”

“A…dog?”

“He is indeed! A very silent one at that, what do we do with Kirsten!”

The audience replied and Kirsten’s chair backed up, and she grimaced over at Mable as it stopped. She kept her posture, her hands in her lap, but shifted her feet a bit apart and to the edge of the seat, her toes dangling over, nails painted black.

“Next one, what does the ‘T’ stand for in T-Rex. roarrr.”

Dave followed this up by pulling a face and deliberately sounding pathetic when roaring at the teams, his nature never failing to muster laughs from everyone, even a small smile from Mei. Her smile vanished though as the yellow bell went off.

“Tyrannosaur!”

“Yeap, that’s right, or Tyrannosaurus, either one works. Mei, up you go!”

Mei once again felt like she needed to balance herself and as the chair stopped, put her hands on her cheeks. Dave couldn’t help but laugh, and she pulled a self pitying look at him as she put her hands back on her knees.

“2 – 1 then to the yellows. Is tomato a fruit or a vegetable – straight away Mable?”

Kirsten wriggled her toes as she looked at her young student and pulled a ‘whatever’ face; as Dave agreed that it was indeed a fruit. The audience played along by shouting out “Crank Her Up” and the chair stopped.

“Oh back to level pegging now! Next question, listen up maths one, what is 6 x 2 + 3?”

It was silent for a few moments as the kids worked out the answer.

“Now this isn’t too hard I don’t think – Mable!”

“15!”

“That’s right, what do we do with Kirsten!”

The audience answered and again, Kirsten’s chair rose up. She smiled a tiny bit and looked at Dave, then to Mable, and back to Dave. She began to tap her legs and adjusted her feet a little.

“Looking a bit nervous, aren’t you Kirsten?”

“Pff. I don’t know am I?”

“Yeap! You could be facing something horrible, for being so horrible, hahah -“

“Er, no I’m still not going down.”

She folded her arms and looked away from Dave closing her eyes for a moment, whilst Dave looked to the camera and pulled a ‘fine then’ expression. He continued and smiled at the banter he was having.

“How many Harry Potter movies are there?”

Mei jumped as the bell rang to her right.

“8.”

“That’s right, the 7th book was made into two films, got it right, what do we do?”

“Crank her up!”

Mei once again went up, but this time kept still. She kept her hands to her sides on the seat but groaned in an exasperated ‘no’, and helds her head down to look at her knees shaking her head slightly.

“This is very evenly matched! 3 to both teams! This is getting exciting, who’s going to go in! Can hardly wait! Here we are next question, Barney Harwood is the current presenter of which CBBC show – Adrian!”

“Blue peter!”

“Is it Blue Peter Mei?”

The actress kept her head hanging low and shrugged, but Dave revealed it was, and her chair rose up. She looked up as it stopped and looked behind her, then to Adrian.

“I’m sorry I really am! I promise I won’t use as much perfume in future! I’m sorry pleas -“

“Mei there is no use begging now, you’re here, you’re above it!”

“But I promise! Please!”

She half seemed to be genuine but a small smile crept onto her face at Dave’s non nonsense attitude.

“I’m carrying on, I’m carrying on. What is the biggest music festival in the UK beginning with a ‘G’? Oh, Adrian!”

“I’m sorry please, please, please, I’m sorry -“

“Glastonbury!!”

“IS RIGHT! What do we do with our Mei!”

“No!”

Mei pulled a horrified look as her chair rose up and then hit the top, and slowly moved back. She looked at Adrian and put her hands on her face. Her heart was racing and she could feel her cheeks burning up. She stamped her feet a tiny bit too, not knowing what to do as she looked from Adrian, to Dave.

“Mei! Ohh Mei -“

“NO!”

The 28 year old covered her face and started to almost cry into her hands.

“You stay right there, you will be getting what you deserve very, very soon.”

Mei shook her head and kept her face buried in her hands.

“But Kirsten first of all to you. Now, I’ve had a Kirsten on here and she was gunged, but history isn’t repeating itself. You’re safe though. You can go away and act and style yourself all how you like, you must be relieved?”

“Oh I am. Going to punish Mable though in the usual way for the humiliation I’ve suffered.”

“Oh well I fell sorry for her but it’s you’re right I guess! Mable I know you didn’t get her in the gunge in the end, but have you had a nice time?”

“Yeah, thanks. It’s been great fun.”

“Great stuff now you both stay there as you have great seats for this, and it will be, spectacular, I assure you.”

Kirsten smiled and looked at Mable, who looked downhearted but smiled weakly back. Kirsten gave her an encouraging smile. She wasn’t sure what it would have been like, but she was sure she would have enjoyed the gunge a lot more than Mei was about to, as the actress was in a mess already in emotions across from her.

“Ahh what a day, for our Mei! I’ve been looking forward to saying that all show you know!”

Mei was sitting with her hands on her cheeks, and fretted as Dave spoke to her and mocked.

“And you’re going to be facing those three buckets too because Adrian did so well! Can’t wait to see them in action! But Adrian. Today is your day now. You’ve done well all the show and look at this, you have her right where you want her, bracing herself for a bad time! Listen, Mei up here, family friend and fellow performer, always goes over the top with her perfume. You said you wanted to smell the sweet success of revenge, because she makes you choke and gag with all her flowery perfume. Well now you can, she spends so much time making her self smell nice, but now you’re going to have her smell really bad for a change, pull that lever, and GET YOUR OWN BACK! WOAH!”

Adrian pulled the lever as soon as he could, and cheered and jumped on the spot. Mei could be heard yelling, shouting no a hundred times as her chair slowly manouvered toward the edge of the drop. As it got there though, it suddenly stopped. She looked down at the ramp, horrified for a moment, but quickly put her knees up to her chest, and put her feet on the seat where she was sat, her toes scrunched up. She shut her eyes tight and put her hand over her nose, and even puffed out her cheeks a little as the chair suddenly dropped. It didn’t get far when a blob of yellow green fell from the sky, splattering Mei’s right hand side, and then yellow too, spattering her right hand side again. She kept her pose as the chair descended and blue now cascaded over the top of her head, mostly catching her back, and spattering out to the side. It continued without any mess for a few moments, the young and small Chinese woman curled up into a ball and her look priceless with her hand on nose and cheeks puffed out. Covered partially in green, blue and yellow already, there was a wall of spraying cream suddenly spurting out in front of her, and she passed through, either side of her getting a thick coating of white yellowy cream, but as soon as she had, the chair sprung her forward and she cannon balled front down into the gunge, comically right into the painted target. A massive wave spread outward across the surface in every direction, a lot of it splashing out of the tank and onto the studio floor. A few of the kids screamed and laughed as it did amongst the cheering, as a large blob of a wave crashed back in on itself, creating and almost mushroom effect where Mei had been submerged into the tank. It continued to churn and crash from the impact as Adrian cheered, Kirsten and Mable clapped and Dave stood shocked. His features seemed to have been pulled off.

“Wooooohooo! ahahaha!”

There was rippled of bubbles and thrashing of the gunge after a moment, purple and white, crashing on the surface all over the place. With a big upward splash of the gunge, Mei came shooting up, piles of multi-coloured mess on her head, covering her neck and top. Her headband had kept heir hair back, but the gunge was coating her face, and she jumped forward, wiping it swiftly and harshly as more gunge behind her fell in a torrent into the tank. She wiped the last off her face, though still wet looking and opened her eyes and mouth wide, screaming. As she did, a bit of yellow caught her and spattered off the back right hand side of her head, and she moved forward and out of it. With a plop though, she suddenly sunk downward and fact, into the gunge again. She had walked into one of the deeper parts of the base, submerging herself. As Adrian bent over laughing, she slowly came up this time, her headband finally given up and down at her neck, her beautiful black her now slapping more gunge into her face.

“Adrian! You look so relieved, how do you feel to have gunged a nuisance?”

“So fantastic Dave!”

Mei regained her balance and flipped her hair back. The gunge felt cold on her, and heavy. She waved the gunge off of her hands, but felt it stick. It was like having jam on your hands, and it wasn’t coming off. She could feel the stickiness in her hair, and below the surface too. She went a little red at the feeling in her shorts especially. She could also smell the gunge, in fact she brought her hand to her face and smelt it and looked away, repulsed. She always tried to smell nice, and today that changed.

“Oh that was really good to watch! Really fun! Adrian, Mable, you both get great prizes, including a photo album of your time here today. Adrian you get a T-Shirt with a photo of the spectacle below you And Kirsten you get a certificate to never play your favourite band again. Somehow though, I don’t think that will happen!”

Kirsten winked at him and watched Mei who was now slicking her hair back again. Kirsten smiled though, remembered what Dave had said earlier, and realising he saved it till last, knowing the unlucky adult may forget about it as there was no downpour of gunge for a short time now.

“Ah yes, but for a lady who constantly tries to smell all beautiful, Mei really has today wound stinking to high heaven of something you would find in a sewer! But Mei guess what dear, look at me, that’s it…here’s your reward for taking part!”

Mei looked up at him, a sorry lok on her face, and opened her mouth to answer him when she was suddenly engulfed in a torrent from above. She disappeared in a downpour of straw that was falling from the sky, and she screamed yet again, walking forward a little and out of the falling bits. She looked up at it but was suddenly hit by a mound of cake that fell right onto her already wet and straw covered face. It continued pieing the poor actress in heaps of the wedding cakes, icing and chocolate splashing into the gunge too, making it quite unpleasant. She walked backward but once again sunk below the now covered surface and as the camera panned out, rose up once more, gunge covered and slathered in bits of cake and straw.

“That’s all from us, bye bye everyone, bye bye!”

Dave and everyone else waved as it showed Mei, pulling various mess off her face, sitting in the middle of a bright yet mucky and full looking gunge. She put her hands down into the gunge to her sides and opened her mouth, looking as though she was crying, but in truth moaning at the state of herself.

Poor Mei, I think she has suffered the worst Gunk Dunk ever. But, that’s only the first of this newly done out Gunk Dunk, who will be next?

It is now the ultimate messy punishment. It may feel too much for GYOB alone, but as this series has progressed, it’s become now more or less my own spiritual revival series. In other words, I’m making it my own with the base of it being Get Your Own Back, but is like a new series entirely in many ways.

Thanks to the two people who pitched the adults and reasons for being on the show!

Now the next episode shouldn’t be very long at all. I already know the two ladies who will be on the show, and it’s going to be a good one. These two ladies are best friends, and fierce rivals. So it will be like a sort of Best Friends special too. After that, I may be doing a one off celeb vote too, but more on that closer to the time.

Thank you a lot for reading and loving this series, it’s making it a lot bigger and better than I imagined, and every bit of it is fun!

One final thing, if you send in a nomination, you can also send in a nomination for the substance in the trough above the gunge, related somehow to your character! See you next time!

- MsM

Posted in Stories | 15 Comments

KHOU 11: Reporter takes a pie to the face at the circus

RunninRebel at ECG posted this link to a very cute news reporter called Courtney Perna visiting the circus for a news report. Was it a slow news day? Maybe. Was it worth it? Well, seeing as she got pied at the end, I’d say so. Got to agree with the anchorwoman’s analysis of her taking it “like a champ”! Link.

Posted in News items, Pies | Leave a comment

S is (also) for…

Although this story mentions real persons, corporations, TV shows and places, it is entirely fictional. The story does NOT describe real events and should NOT be taken to accurately portray any real entity mentioned. The events and activities described in the story may NOT be legal, ethical or safe. This site does NOT endorse or recommend their enactment.

It was her turn, she knew, and she couldn’t wait. She’d heard this was coming up, and knew she had to say yes when someone suggested she do it. When she heard some of the others involved, she knew it wouldn’t hurt her cred one bit. After all, every type of celebrity seemed to be involved, from the A-list actresses, like Jennifer Lawrence or Penelope Cruz, to ex-Disney stars, and even rock singers like herself. Sierra Kusterbeck knew this would be a great opportunity.

sierra kusterbeck A-Z II

Tiffany peered through the mess, wiping bits of rice off her nose, not to mention all the rest of the messy stuff clinging to her. “Another Metalhead, Amanda? You found quite a few of those.”

Amanda looked at her notes. “Yes, but apparently this one came from another source. doesn’t matter though, Sierra here is just as keen as the rest.” Sierra smiled, before climbing into the celebrity pool. She took note of the washed-away dregs in the corners, but thought nothing of it as she sat down.

“Hey guys, whatcha got for me?” Sierra, despite her clear excitement, was sat very still, looking up at Amanda. Amanda herself looked at her notes. “Well, let us introduce you first. Here we have Sierra Kusterbeck, one half of the band Versa. Is it true you once pulled a ‘Mila Kunis’?”

Sierra frowned. “I don’t follow…”

“You got an audition by making a technically true statement that was taken to mean you were older than they you actually were.”

Sierra blushed. “Er, yeah, that’s true.”

“And of course, Sierra also sang with Professor Green, while he did some plug for Relentless.”

Tiffany perked up. “Oh yeah, I remember that. I sure love Relentless, really gets you up in the morning.”

Amanda laughed. “Of course, other Energy drinks can be bought as well.” Sierra laughed at the obvious plug, with the bits of rice pudding still around it. “Now, to business. We haven’t had that much in terms of fruit have we?”

Tiffany laughed. “Er, yeah, if you don’t count the Orange Juice, or the Apple sauce, or even that jam we had for Q. Apart from those, no.”

It was Amanda’s turn to blush. “Ah, well, that link’s ruined then. Here Tiffany, Sierra, we have Strawberry Syrup for you ladies.” Amanda didn’t pull her punches, in fact she didn’t even bother waiting, she just pulled both levers, and both barrels tipped. Tiffany, already totally covered in mess, let the Strawberry Syrup wash over her. Or at least she would if the stuff wasn’t so damn slow to fall out of the barrel. The red syrup slid its way over the milky rice pudding, slowly expanding in all directions over Tiffany.

Meanwhile, Sierra was getting her own dose of Strawberry Syrup. Like a true rockstar, Sierra didn’t shy away from the mess one bit, embracing the mess by wooing, and sticking up rock hands while looking dead ahead. The red sauce seeped its way over her brown hair, surrounding her face and dripping down on to her T-shirt. Even without the mess, the Syrup was slow in its descent on the goal of covering Sierra completely, but sure enough, the rockstar was soon covered in a thin red layer of the stuff.

Soon enough, both barrels ran out. Tiffany did a quite familiar gesture clearing her face so she could see, and looked over to see a Strawberry Sierra. “Aw, no fair, you didn’t let me watch.”

Amanda waved her hand dismissively. “Ah, watch the rerun, you’ll know the result then.” Amanda glanced down at the computer, before her eyes went wide, and she swore under her breath. “We’re late, we’re late, we’re really really late. Sierra, its been lovely to have you, but we’re behind schedule, it’s my fault really. If you want to see Troy about the photo, and then we can continue. Thanks again.”

Sierra looked a little perturbed to being rushed, indeed she was playing with the Syrup in her hands, but she didn’t want to keep the people waiting, so she smiled at Tiffany, giving her a rock hand, then made her way over to Troy. Sierra held the bottle of Strawberry Syrup, and Troy got his shots, Sierra going through a few rock poses. She then took the bottle with her, heading presumably to the shower.

Sierra made sure to nod to Miss T as she passed her though…

And that was S. So much has changed since I last wrote anything, so here goes.

Firstly, Sorry for the huge (2 month) delay in writing this part. I’m not too sure what’s most to blame, something between writer’s block, RL busyness and internet issues. Either way, I’m just thankful that its done now.

I also see there’s been a change in site business since I was last here. I’m looking forward to seeing everything happening. Hopefully the great stories will continue (I’ve read a few of them when I can, and the standard is as great as ever). I’m sure VanillaXSlime will do a great job in running things here.

Looking back at the last thing I wrote, that would be The Ramp – GGP edition, which as good an idea as it was, I don’t think I have it in me to finish. Another time, another author maybe. In terms of this project, The author formerly known as Tellygunge is writing T, followed by some guest authors (or at least that was the plan last I checked, it has been too long). I’m going to be back to get it right with Y this time, so I’ll see you all then.

Posted in A to Z, Stories | 3 Comments